From the Virgin

I know for many people sex is a very uncomfortable topic (just wait until my family reads this) and for others I know they dont mind sharing details about this part of their personal life. My friends tend to share theirs to me constantly, a lot of times to get a good laugh out of my cringing moments but mostly because I know that they know for me at least I could care less about the topic and it could be because I've never had sex before but listening to a conversation about sex or details to a story just doesnt peak my interest and honestly I would rather pet a rat, a snake or both. But I think its time to stop and take a second to explain exactly where I am coming from.

For years now I've always said I wanted to save myself for marriage. Purity ring and all. There is no doubt in my mind secrets have been shared, or that whispers were said behind my back. Being called "Church Girl" jokingly by classmates throughout the hallway in high school. (I say jokingly mostly because I believe it was all fun and games plus it never offended me anyways.) But still this is my choice. First, because listening to Jason and Crystalina Evert about pure love at church retreats was something I was always the most excited to hear about. How true love doesn't just happen, you have to work for it. It made me want to go into a pure marriage. One with no lies and no secrets, where trust and respect were major priorities. I believe saving myself for marriage would be a very amazing gift for my husband someday. Second, because I believe sex is something special that should be shared between two people who truly love each other. I've always thought about sex in a way that if you couldn't see yourself raise a child with this person then you probably shouldn't be having sex with them. However, I dont think people or even I have fully understood what this all means or where I am truly coming from.

The Wikipedia definition of "What it means to wear a purity ring?" is: Purity rings (also known as promise rings, abstinence rings, or chastity rings) are worn as a sign of chastity. Wearing a purity ring is typically accompanied by a religious vow to practice abstinence until marriage.

I dont wear my ring anymore though. Jokingly of course when a friend and I were talking the other day about this exact topic she said, "Is there something you need to tell me?" The answer is No. I still have my ring, but I began to realize my ring is nothing more than a ring. I can not continue to use it as a wall to "protect" myself or to lessen the amount of times I have to say "No, I dont want to have sex." because with my ring I felt like if you noticed it, then the answer was already written across your face. I dont wear it anymore because it is my choice, my relationship, my say so, my voice and shall I say it...my vagina. No ring will change that.

As the years have passed I realize more and more amazing things happen even before getting married and just because one has had sex before marriage doesn't mean their marriage is doomed. A lot of my family and people I know are products of sex before marriage and couldn't imagine life without them. Many people I know had sex before marriage and years later they're marriage couldnt be any better.

However, I have never had a long standing relationship. I have never felt a deep connection with someone or ever really felt that I truly loved someone. I obviously am not on board with one night stands or lets just have sex because we're clubbing tonight and its the thing to do. I dont put myself in situations to allow myself to be felt up on or anything like that. Nevertheless, if and when the times comes that I feel a certain connection with someone then and only then will I or we decide to take our relationship a step farther. Everyone talks and shares their opinions but it comes to a point where I just have to say enough is enough. Just because I wont have sex with just anyone doesnt mean I am stuck up, a prude or any other phrase anyone would like to use. I just havent found someone I connect with in that way and there is nothing wrong with that. I will smile my happy self all the way through the club, streets and where ever else I will go knowing I wont settle for anything less than what I deserve.

I am not saying I will now give up my virginity to any guy that walks by but I don't think waiting to have sex for marriage is a thing I should be stressing about. Moral of the story, I will have sex when I am comfortable having sex.