How To Navigate Being Someone Who Has Hurt Someone

No One Has To Accept Your Apologies, But You Need To Learn To Forgive Yourself

I've learned how to not be insincere.


I don't do well knowing that I hurt someone. I'm used to being the person who's hurt by others. So on the occasion when I learn I've hurt someone, not only do I apologize a lot, but I make a grand effort in apologizing to try to convey how sorry I truly am.

I haven't been told this in retrospect by those I've hurt, so I don't know how they've actually taken my way of apologizing, but others who know those that apologize like me, say we are manipulators and gaslighters. It looks like we're over apologizing and acting emotionally in order to coerce quick forgiveness from the person or people we hurt.

Then I heard a second negative view of how we apologize. If we dwell on a mistake and apologize over and over for it, it holds the trauma of the mistake with the other person and makes it more about our feelings instead of just apologizing and moving on.

Now, obviously, no one wants to think of themselves as a manipulator, gaslighter, and insincere. However, I wonder are other people's perceptions of how and why you apologize true, or is how you feel about how and why you apologized the truth? Isn't the receiver of an apology supposed to be the only and true judge of what they feel about how and why someone apologizes to them?

As much as it hurts me to say this, if the one I apologize to feels I'm a manipulator and gaslighter and insincere, that's their right. I have to accept that that's what I am. There's an interesting thread I came across on Twitter that talks about how no one HAS to forgive you.

There's this societal push to just forgive those that hurt you so that you're not carrying bitterness in your heart. But no one should be forced to forgive someone who hurt or harmed them just because it will presumably make them a bigger and better and more woke person. No one is owed forgiveness when they do something wrong, even if they feel they are. Because it's like I said, the only opinion on an apology that matters is the person you hurt.

I know people want to say that other people's opinions of you shouldn't matter, but I totally don't believe that. Because if everyone believes you're something based on your actions, then wouldn't you be silly to not believe you were that? The saying is, if it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it's a duck. Not, if it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it's a horse. It doesn't work that way.

So how does one come to terms with this? My first thought was to try to reinvent myself. Change my actions and ideologies to be a better person. But hell, that's insincere too. It's aggravating to see those that have hurt me suddenly start acting a different way to try and prove that they're not who I knew them as. My first thought is who do they think they're fooling?

In the end, there may be nothing one can do once a damage has been done to another person. The bed was made and now it's time to lay in it.

I felt like there was no in between over apologizing as I'm used to and just apologizing once and moving on. Over-apologizing is gaslighting, and just moving on from a conflict is insincere. Where does the true learning from a mistake come from then — especially if the person you hurt never forgives you? Does one just sit with what they've done forever then? Talk about being a living corpse!

What can be done is to try and forgive yourself. This is a new concept that randomly came to me after I had been living with guilt for two years over how I hurt someone. And I still feel selfish for forgiving myself. But I feel more confident going forward telling anyone new my mistakes and being honest about why I did what I did so they can make an informed decision about me. I wouldn't have been able to verbalize anything about my mistakes in the past.

Over-apologizing is manipulative and insincere. It's trying to make myself and the person I hurt feel better for what happened. Apologizing and just moving on is cold. It's like pretending it never happened. Forgiving myself for what I've done helped me understand everything and all emotions around the situation and why it came about. It actually helped me learn from it.

Forgiving oneself isn't something that comes about automatically. You have to sit in the feelings of not being forgiven and see yourself villanized through who you hurt for a LONG time. Know you caused that pain. As you see this over and over again, you'll start digging deeper into exactly why you caused that pain.

It can feel synonymous to justifying your actions. That's a no-no. Just accept that this is who you are when a situation like this arises in your life. Learn and understand why. Lots of therapy will help you understand. Then, train yourself to tell anyone new that you want to be close to what you did so they can decide if they want to keep knowing you. Deal with seemingly endless amounts of rejection because of your transparency.

Because you may come across someone who wants to be in your life despite the mistakes you made. That is what makes forgiving yourself worth it.

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20 Fun Facts To Use When Introducing Yourself

As we embark on the semester, we are put on the spot in order to share interesting details about ourselves. This article discloses possible fun facts to tell others!

After experiencing my first week of classes, I have learned that every student needs a handy-dandy list of fun facts about themselves to tell other people. Many professors use the first couple of classes to learn about their students, so you may need to think about who you are and how you want to introduce yourself to your professor and classmates. We all have that one go-to interesting fact about ourselves, but sometimes you just have to mix it up!

1. My favorite hobby is...

What do you do in your free time? Personally, I love to stay active! I am a competitive Latin dancer and enjoy teaching and taking Zumba classes, going to the gym, and hiking.

2. I love...

Is there something, someone, or somewhere that you love? What makes your heart ache? What do you miss when it's gone? I can say that I love my friends because I feel my most confident when I'm surrounded by those who love and support me.

3. I look up to...

Is there someone you adore? Who mesmerizes you? Who do you wish to learn from? After watching "A Ballerina's Tale," I discovered Misty Copeland. In 2015 she became the first African American ballet dancer to become the Female Principal Dancer at American Ballet Theatre. Her passion, grace, and strength continuously motivate me to better myself as an athlete and an individual.

4. This art speaks to me because...

Coco Chanel said, "In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different." This encourages me to always follow my heart no matter what. I will never follow society's standards and norms because they do not define me. Chanel's saying definitely influences my character and lifestyle.

5. A funny and/or embarrassing memory of me is...

When you make others laugh they want to spend time and make memories with you! Don't be afraid to embarrass yourself. You will come off as down to earth, easy-going, and loyal.

6. My siblings or lack thereof influenced me by...

I can go on and on about my brother, who is 10 years older than I. We have opposite personalities and despite the age gap, we're quite close.

7. My pet(s) are my life because...

Only sad people don't like hearing about furry creatures, even if your pets are slimy and slithering creatures all human beings enjoy hearing pet tales!

8. I'm afraid of...

Your personality can be revealed by your likes and dislikes, including the things that you fear. I am terrified of change and the unknown, hence, the future is an anxiety-inducing topic to discuss for me.

9. I am the way I am because...

What have you gone through in life that has shaped you into who you are today? Remember to be open minded and allow yourself to open up to your peers. You may be surprised by how others respond and/or what others have endured as well.

10. The most unusual item that can be found in your dorm...

This is a fun fact about yourself that can easily liven up an awkward conversation. Think about your quirks and differences! One item I have in my dorm is my teddy bear, Peter, whom I like to joke is my boyfriend.

11. My dream job is...

In college, "What's your major?" is a widespread question. Nonetheless, skip the boring statement of "I'm majoring in..." and go in depth on what your dream job is (hopefully your major factors in to this dream of yours).

12. My hidden talents are...

Angelina Jolie is a knife thrower. Kendall Jenner can produce bird noises. Amanda Seyfried can crochet and knit. Is there anything special you can do? Some people have rare and unique talents, maybe you can think of some hidden talents of your own!

13. My guilty pleasure is...

I will say it a million times: don't be shy when introducing yourself to new people! I'll start by divulging my guilty pleasure: Youtube's family vlogging channel, "OKBaby"!

Check them out:

14. Some activities on my bucket list are...

This is an easy way to grab people's attention and find others with similar desires as you. Be an adventurer! Go out of your comfort zone!

15. Talk about your best friend...

How would your best friend describe you? What do you love to do with your best friend?

16. Talk about an accomplishment of yours...

You are incredible and have achieved so much! Reveal something that you are proud of — show off a little!

17. This one time at my job...

Bosses breathing down your neck. Curious coworkers asking personal questions. Cursing customers who never leave you alone. Your job can be filled with tons of hilarious situations that can easily entertain a crowd.

18. During the summer...

Any scars with stories? Any summer flings? Any lessons learned from the tanning too long? Now that summer is over, disclose memories that can leave positive impressions on others.

19. I volunteer at...

Do you do any community service? Share a funny moment while you were volunteering. What did you learn while there? Would you continue?

20. [blank] is meaningful to me because...

What do you appreciate in life? What brightens your day? What makes you fall in love? What does someone have to do to make you smile?

Finally, remember to be outgoing! Reveal that three-mile smile and open your arms to learning about others. Spread smiles, love, and happiness.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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5 Things To Look Forward To Even In The Middle Of End Of The Year Stress

There's always something to look forward to.


School is so close to the end. Seniors will be graduating really soon and juniors are now either nervous or excited about senior year. 8th graders are scared about entering into the most important 4 years of their lives so far. And of course, a yearly stress every high schooler will go through are AP exams. But, even with all these things in mind, here are 5 things to look forward to even in the middle of everything else.

1. Weather

Summer comes with so many amazing things. But, one of my all time favorites is weather. The weather is perfect for a nice picnic or a pool party. The sun shining always puts people in a good mood.

2. Sleep

Summer is the time to catch up on all the sleep you've missed this past year due to studying or doing homework. Now, you can freely sleep in and stay up as long as you want while getting the full 8 hours or more.

3. Vacations/ Stay-cations

This is the time to go explore and travel the world and experience new things. Seeing new cultures around the world and trying new foods is a great part of going on vacation. If not going on vacation, staying at home and relaxing is always a great way to rest your body and brain from everything.

4. Hanging out

This is the time to go explore and travel the world and experience new things. Seeing new cultures around the world and trying new foods is a great part of going on vacation. If not going on vacation, staying at home and relaxing is always a great way to rest your body and brain from everything.

5. Movie nights

Even though you have the option to sleep, obviously a movie marathon would be highly considered because sleeping in is always the right choice during the summer.

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