Foodfight! was made by a psychic

Foodfight! was made by a psychic

And oh boy, did they take a good look at 2017.
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It is near universally agreed that Foodfight! was one of the worst movies of all time, animated or not. Still, I have enjoyed watching it several times over the years because it is just so hilariously bad. The problem is that it’s also unsettlingly accurate in terms of several modern day developments.

How could a practically unfinished children’s movie about a dog detective in a grocery store that comes to life at night be anything like real life, you might ask? And I might answer. To start with, look no further than the atrocious cynicism that the film represents. Millions of dollars went into that movie to hire celebrity voice actors like Charlie Sheen who clearly did not give a rat’s anything about their role. At one point, it sounds like Hillary Duff is literally phoning in her lines because the sound quality is so bad. But what’s more, the whole movie was based on brand recognition; though many companies pulled out when they saw how bad the movie was going to be, others kept their mascots in the movie, resulting in Punchy the Hawaiian Punch Guy, Charlie Tuna, and Mr. Clean among others walking around simply doing nearly nothing but being blatant product placement. The only difference between this and the recent Emoji movie is that Foodfight! was at least funny, albeit unintentionally.


That's real footage, by the way. Seriously.


Worse yet, the movie was also ahead of its time politically. It features several horrendous stereotypes including a racist caricature of a black person, a vampire bat who is every flaming homosexual trope ever, a sexualized villainess who wears a schoolgirl outfit, and an honest-to-god big-nosed vaguely Jewish character. In 2017, those people would be called “what a lot of people actually see those general groups of people as being like even if they won’t admit it”.


If you think this is bad, the black stereotype is literally made of chocolate.


But it gets better! Worse? Anyways, in this ostensibly child-friendly movie, the main villain is someone who loudly pretends to have the best interests of those in the film at heart while denouncing those who really do as evil liars, only to turn around and empower fascism in part through the facilitation of a police state where innocents are killed by officers without due process. At one point, the main villainess even ends up in Nazi fetish gear. It’s like someone took the recent Charlottesville Nazi riots, went back in time, then put them in a kid’s movie but with added cartoon erotica for good measure. One character even spouts social Darwinist catch phrases, just to drive the point home.



Close.


Foodfight! really was a movie far ahead of its time. Whether by a stroke of societally woke genius that went unrecognized for years or more likely than not by complete freaking accident, that flaming sack of turd did a better job predicting what 2017 would be like than half of the voting population did.

And for that, I am grateful. I guess? Not really?

Cover Image Credit: Wizard Dojo

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An Open Letter To Democrats From A Millennial Republican

Why being a Republican doesn't mean I'm inhuman.
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Dear Democrats,

I have a few things to say to you — all of you.

You probably don't know me. But you think you do. Because I am a Republican.

Gasp. Shock. Horror. The usual. I know it all. I hear it every time I come out of the conservative closet here at my liberal arts university.

SEE ALSO: What I Mean When I Say I'm A Young Republican

“You're a Republican?" people ask, saying the word in the same tone that Draco Malfoy says “Mudblood."

I know that not all Democrats feel about Republicans this way. Honestly, I can't even say for certain that most of them do. But in my experience, saying you're a Republican on a liberal college campus has the same effect as telling someone you're a child molester.

You see, in this day and age, with leaders of the Republican Party standing up and spouting unfortunately ridiculous phrases like “build a wall," and standing next to Kim Davis in Kentucky after her release, we Republicans are given an extreme stereotype. If you're a Republican, you're a bigot. You don't believe in marriage equality. You don't believe in racial equality. You don't believe in a woman's right to choose. You're extremely religious and want to impose it on everyone else.

Unfortunately, stereotypes are rooted in truth. There are some people out there who really do think these things and feel this way. And it makes me mad. The far right is so far right that they make the rest of us look bad. They make sure we aren't heard. Plenty of us are fed up with their theatrics and extremism.

For those of us brave enough to wear the title “Republican" in this day and age, as millennials, it's different. Many of us don't agree with these brash ideas. I'd even go as far as to say that most of us don't feel this way.

For me personally, being a Republican doesn't even mean that I automatically vote red.

When people ask me to describe my political views, I usually put it pretty simply. “Conservative, but with liberal social views."

“Oh," they say, “so you're a libertarian."

“Sure," I say. But that's the thing. I'm not really a libertarian.

Here's what I believe:

I believe in marriage equality. I believe in feminism. I believe in racial equality. I don't want to defund Planned Parenthood. I believe in birth control. I believe in a woman's right to choose. I believe in welfare. I believe more funds should be allocated to the public school system.

Then what's the problem? Obviously, I'm a Democrat then, right?

Wrong. Because I have other beliefs too.

Yes, I believe in the right to choose — but I'd always hope that unless a pregnancy would result in the bodily harm of the woman, that she would choose life. I believe in welfare, but I also believe that our current system is broken — there are people who don't need it receiving it, and others who need it that cannot access it.

I believe in capitalism. I believe in the right to keep and bear arms, because I believe we have a people crisis on our hands, not a gun crisis. Contrary to popular opinion, I do believe in science. I don't believe in charter schools. I believe in privatizing as many things as possible. I don't believe in Obamacare.

Obviously, there are other topics on the table. But, generally speaking, these are the types of things we millennial Republicans get flack for. And while it is OK to disagree on political beliefs, and even healthy, it is NOT OK to make snap judgments about me as a person. Identifying as a Republican does not mean I am the same as Donald Trump.

Just because I am a Republican, does not mean you know everything about me. That does not give you the right to make assumptions about who I am as a person. It is not OK for you to group me with my stereotype or condemn me for what I feel and believe. And for a party that prides itself on being so open-minded, it shocks me that many of you would be so judgmental.

So I ask you to please, please, please reexamine how you view Republicans. Chances are, you're missing some extremely important details. If you only hang out with people who belong to your own party, chances are you're missing out on great people. Because, despite what everyone believes, we are not our stereotype.

Sincerely,

A millennial Republican

Cover Image Credit: NEWSWORK.ORG

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Why The Idea Of 'No Politics At The Dinner Table' Takes Place And Why We Should Avoid It

When did having a dialogue become so rare?

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Why has the art of civilized debate and conversation become unheard of in daily life? Why is it considered impolite to talk politics with coworkers and friends? Expressing ideas and discussing different opinions should not be looked down upon.

I have a few ideas as to why this is our current societal norm.

1. Politics is personal.

Your politics can reveal a lot about who you are. Expressing these (sometimes controversial) opinions may put you in a vulnerable position. It is possible for people to draw unfair conclusions from one viewpoint you hold. This fosters a fear of judgment when it comes to our political beliefs.

Regardless of where you lie on the spectrum of political belief, there is a world of assumption that goes along with any opinion. People have a growing concern that others won't hear them out based on one belief.

As if a single opinion could tell you all that you should know about someone. Do your political opinions reflect who you are as a person? Does it reflect your hobbies? Your past?

The question becomes "are your politics indicative enough of who you are as a person to warrant a complete judgment?"

Personally, I do not think you would even scratch the surface of who I am just from knowing my political identification.

2. People are impolite.

The politics themselves are not impolite. But many people who wield passionate, political opinion act impolite and rude when it comes to those who disagree.

The avoidance of this topic among friends, family, acquaintances and just in general, is out of a desire to 'keep the peace'. Many people have friends who disagree with them and even family who disagree with them. We justify our silence out of a desire to avoid unpleasant situations.

I will offer this: It might even be better to argue with the ones you love and care about, because they already know who you are aside from your politics, and they love you unconditionally (or at least I would hope).

We should be having these unpleasant conversations. And you know what? They don't even need to be unpleasant! Shouldn't we be capable of debating in a civilized manner? Can't we find common ground?

I attribute the loss of political conversation in daily life to these factors. 'Keeping the peace' isn't an excuse. We should be discussing our opinions constantly and we should be discussing them with those who think differently.

Instead of discouraging political conversation, we should be encouraging kindness and understanding. That's how we will avoid the unpleasantness that these conversations sometimes bring.

By avoiding them altogether, we are doing our youth a disservice because they are not being exposed to government, law, and politics, and they are not learning to deal with people and ideas that they don't agree with.

Next Thanksgiving, talk politics at the table.

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