Flee The States And Move To [Insert Country Here]
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Politics and Activism

Flee The States And Move To [Insert Country Here]

The somewhat-helpful guide to fleeing the Trumparchy.

Flee The States And Move To [Insert Country Here]
The Conservative Treehouse

The 2016 presidential election took place this past week, and although the presidency technically won’t be decided until December 19th, it’s unlikely the minimum 270 votes needed will be cast faithlessly by the Electoral College to another candidate – so for those of us staying put who aren’t White/Male/Christian/Straight/Incredibly Rich, we should probably start preparing our good sides for those rumored identity cards. However, for those of you trying to run from the Trump Train straight to the border, your mourning has probably blinded you from making rational decisions. But, fret not! Modeled after the guidebook, Quit Your Job And Move To Key West by Christopher Shultz and David Sloan, this article will help you to make one or the biggest (and hopefully not worst) decisions of your life.

Step One: Get a Passport
You can’t flee the country without a travel document! If you don’t already have one, you can apply for a United States passport here. Keep in mind, you can choose between a passport book (more expensive, valid for use when traveling by any means) or a passport card (less expensive, fits in your wallet, for use when traveling by land or by sea only). Note that there are free apps to take your passport photos at home if you want to save a little money. However, if you do so, be sure to follow proper United States passport photo guidelines so your application doesn’t get rejected.

For example, this picture of me and my cat, while adorable, is not acceptable.

Step Two: Pick a Country To Live In
This is a YUUGE life decision, one you can’t take lightly. With your passport, you’ve literally got the world at your fingertips! As you’re waiting for your passport and birth certificate to come back in the mail, research the countries you think you’d fit best in, whether it be because you currently have family there, or because you’ve had a lifelong fascination with the country. Be sure to look up the “rules” for immigrating to your chosen country: for example, if choosing to move to Denmark, you have to pass a Danish language exam (amongst other things) before you can be considered a permanent resident.

This may or may not be a good decision.

Step Three: Prepare For Your New Life
Let’s assume you’ve applied for and had your visa approved. Congratulations! Now all you need to do is: learn a new language; study up on your new culture; learn the metric system (assuming you didn’t decide to live in Britain); come to terms with the idea of convenient public transportation; and say goodbye forever to your friends and family. If you have pets, you’ll need to follow your new country’s guidelines to ensure you won’t have problems, assuming your country allows the immigration of foreign animals onto their soil. You’ll also have to speak with your banker to determine whether you’re able to keep your current account, or if you’ll have to close it and open a new one altogether.

Think of it like preparing for the 1 exam in your major class that's worth 100% of your grade. Except the exam is your life, and failure means being an outcast for the rest of it.

Aside from the more technical requirements, that’s pretty much it! You’ll have to say goodbye to some of the greatest American things: like giant portions you can’t possibly finish; electing someone with no political experience to the highest office; and USA chants at every sporting event; but at least you might pick up a sweet accent!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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