Dear First Love,
You know, you taught me a lot by being a first of mine. You taught me about life, and real love, and relationships. You were the first guy to see my hair in the morning. The first person to say they loved me romantically. The first boy to give me a bouquet of flowers. The first date I’d had to prom. The first one who offered me a second family through his own. The first person besides my parents I’d go to with anything and everything. My first facebook official relationship. My first boyfriend. You were my heart, and you had it from the beginning.
You were the first guy to make me feel like shit about myself. You were the first person to say “I love you” romantically and not actually mean it. You were the first person to relate effort to fixing a car. The first one to discredit our relationship with the running of a TV show series. You were the one person I wanted to love me like I loved him. That was a first. It was all a big first.
But throughout it all, there is one first that beats them all. My first breakup. My first time standing up for myself. My first real heartbreak but also my first real victory. And while in many ways, you taught me to love and learn and how to give my heart away, you also taught me how to guard my heart enough until I find the right person to give it too. You taught me that it doesn't matter what others think of you, but of what you think of yourself. When I was with you I didn't like who I was becoming and that taught me that a guy should NEVER EVER change my view of myself.
So while our time together was short, it was trying, it was painful, and it was meaningful. I learned to love, how to fight with communication, how to put someone's needs before myself. And I started on a journey to find myself.
But the greatest thing I remember learning from you, the boy who broke my heart, is that ALL firsts, good ones and bad ones, have a lesson to teach. And now that it's just me, myself, and I, it’s time to start generating a new list of firsts. Starting with...
Me.
Sincerely yours,
The new and improved-ish Me
