When I was preparing for my college classes this fall- buying textbooks and responding to surveys my professors sent out, it really felt like I had nothing to prepare for. I had decided not to go on campus, so I didn't need to buy new stuff for my apartment or pack up all my clothes into boxes and haul them to Champaign, IL in a large van with my family.
It felt empty and sad but was also a relief at the same time. I thought to myself that I would have so much time, being at home. By not being on campus, I didn't need to get tested biweekly, I didn't need to cook for myself every day, and I didn't even need to go anywhere if I didn't want to.
But as soon as the semester started, it began to feel like I didn't really have any time at all. Days just started passing, then weeks. And now it's already been over a month since class first began. And I'm sitting here wondering how time passed so quickly and what I've done in these past five weeks.
Due to COVID-19, I knew college was going to be extremely different this fall. And honestly, although online classes aren't an ideal situation, I'm still enjoying all of my classes a lot. But the one thing I didn't expect to feel during a time when everyone is staying home a lot, whether home means on campus or anywhere else, is as if I don't have enough time.
On one hand, it's kind of nice to be pretty busy, because it's a good distraction from thinking too much about what's going on in the outside world. But on the other hand, there are moments where I'm finally done with all my work at the end of the day when I realize just how filled up my days are and how I'm not finding much time for myself.
As the semester continues, I want to be in touch with myself and my surroundings. I want to stay in each moment, not preoccupied with the list of things I have to do or worried about the state of the virus in our country. And that's something that I'm working towards carving out time for.