My name is Emma and I am addicted to Tik Tok. This is my story.

I have been a skeptic of Tik Tok right from the start. Back when it was called Musically, I never thought it had the capability to blow up because its only users were 11 year olds lip syncing to Halsey songs and then everyone else who just downloaded the app to see what the hype was about... only to delete the app a week later when they realized who the only content creators were (see earlier in sentence).

I now sit in my bed, embraced by darkness and disappointment until the wee hours of the night... watching Tik Toks. My eyes? Void of any moisture after hours of not looking up from my phone screen. My brain? Stripped of any organic thought of my own because I cannot fathom anything that isn't one of those catchy songs or popularly used sounds (more on this later). My motivation to do just about anything else? GONE. I think to myself, in these moments of desolation... boy, was I wrong about this app.

We all downloaded Tik Tok at first with the innocent intent of "seeing what the hype is about." Ya right. LOOK AT US NOW.

Tik Tok, I shudder at the name, is entirely an app created to captivate an entire generation. I am steadfastly convinced that this app is formulaic in its design for the sole purpose of getting people hooked at their first use, then get them addicted a weeks time, and finally, locking them in with the sexy appeal of their ever-changing entertainment. Not to mention the number one attraction this app enticers users with: fame. This is the cherry on top, the icing on the cake, the left-ear piercing on an e-boy (if you will). Young people, myself included, drool over the idea of getting rich and famous for doing nothing (AKA: Exactly what viral Tik Tokers do for brand deals, advertisement partnerships, and social media fame). I would not be surprised if there was a minor or at least a college course created that centered around this simple concept of doing essentially nothing in exchange for profit.

So yes. Tik Tok IS taking over the rest of the world... just like it took over mine, so enjoy this rant of my particular qualms with Tik Tok.

THE SONGS ARE SO. RELENTLESSLY. CATCHY.

Exhibit A of the Tik Tik Formula for World Domination:

Constant repetition of the same songs/popular sounds + they are paired with popular dance moves + only short segments of the song or sound so it's easy to remember = STUCK IN YOUR HEAD FOR DAYS.

At any given time, a Tik Tok song or popular sound is playing in my head.

Taking a test? Me inside my head: "STUPID BOYS THINK THAT I NEED THEM"

My dad lecturing me over the phone about spending too much money? Me inside my head: "Private school check!!!"

IT HAS VINE ENERGY.

I say this with a heavy heart for our fallen soldier. The chaotic energy some Tik Tok's have resembles those from our first love: Vine. And for this, we salute and cannot help but appreciate. HOWEVER -- this app is ever WORSE in the sense of drawing people in because it fosters user interaction through duets and creates communities and daily trends through people using the same sound to create the same style of video. Also, viral Tik Tokers gain cult-fan followings because the majority of its users are young kids who are more impressionable when it comes to idolizing famous users, who are also kids themselves.

Tik Tok is doing everything Vine couldn't and here lies the difference between the two. Vine was an innocent, selfless soul that wanted only for all God's children to laugh and rejoice in the merriment of the app. Tik Tok on the other end, is monopolizing social media content creation and aims to squeeze every penny out of instantaneous entertainment by providing a platform where anyone can do it.

TIK TOK IS A TIME VORTEX.

Okay, here is where I lost sight of myself and my well being and my family and my future. TIK TOK IS A TIME-VORTEX THAT HAS NO MERCY ON YOU, YOUR PRIOR COMMITMENTS, OR ANY INTENTION OF PRODUCTIVITY. (Sorry for yelling)

Moral of the story: This app is a literal, living and breathing conspiracy because you can't see the time at the top of your screen when you're on the app. Ingeniously, Tik Tok videos take up the entire screen when you view them on your phone. This HAS to intentional because I literally enter a vortex every time I open the app. I spend SO MUCH TIME on Tik Tok without knowing how much time as passed or how many years I've aged, because the next thing I know-- I've missed my own graduation, the impeachment of Tr*mp, AND the birth of my first child!

The funny thing is, I ask myself WHY this happens, EVERY TIME! I've now started setting 12 minute alarms for myself whenever I open the app because otherwise, I will literally go into a Tik Tok comma… never to be reached again.

PSA -- If you contact me while I am on Tik Tok… just know that yes-- I did see your text… but I literally do not possess the level of self control required to exit this app and go respond. For this, I am sorry. I hate me too, don't worry.

THE VIDEO VARIETY KNOWS NO BOUNDS.

The content on this app is so infinite that I am certain mathematicians everywhere need to create another level of infinity to measure the vastness in which this app transcends. To put it into perspective: You, the Earth, the Solar System, the Milky Way Galaxy, the cluster of billions of more galaxies, the entire Universe, the limitless amount of Tik Tok videos.

E-boys biting their lips and ruffling their hair, POV parodies, duets, "Aye yo! ____ check!!", Morning/Night routine, pretty girls showing off their outfits or make up, singing, painting, weight-loss or glow up transformations, dancing, the whole random/crack-head category, cooking tutorials, life-hacks, 40+ moms and dads making videos...

You could spend DAYS on the For You page and not reach the bottom. That's why this app is scary. You can reach the end of your Twitter or Instagram feed and you can tap through all of your snapchat stories, but you will NEVER reach the end of Tik Tok content. It is, in a word, a blackhole. Quite ominous, isn't it?

THE APP ENCOURAGES YOU TO TAKE PART IN TRENDS.

It is easy, TOO easy, to hop on any number of the trends that circulate hourly on this app. Tik Tok manages to be user friendly while also allowing the possibility to be creative in the way it provides editing options. Those who desire to can spend hours slicing their one minute video, adding transitions, effects, filters, and on-screen captions. But, for the average joe... choosing a sound or song and recording a video takes all of two clicks. Dare I call this Exhibit B of the Tik Tok formula for world domination? I think I may.

I digress...

Alas, the time has come for me to end my rant about an app that is probably gathering all of this data as we speak and using it in their algorithms and focus groups to make it even more mesmerizing and all-consuming and is probably planning to kill me and my family for the slander I have just written. Oh well. If I die, will someone make a "Aye yo, Dead Odyssey Writer Check!!!" video about me? Thanks. I'd appreciate it.

Main takeaways -- Use this app at your own discretion and make sure to always proceed with caution, as I can confidently say... there is no turning back.

Signing off,

Emma, an addict in recovery.