Don't Leave Home Without It
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Politics and Activism

Don't Leave Home Without It

The perfect checklist for those headed to the beach this spring break.

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Don't Leave Home Without It

For those of you heading down south over spring break for some fun in the sun, there are a few things you’ll want to make sure that you bring with you. Being a seasoned veteran like myself, you can rest assured that this list has everything you will need. Take it seriously because it could mean the difference between you and your crew having a mediocre time and one that you’ll wish you could remember.


Coupons

Money is no object unless you just happen to be a college student, unemployed, or under the age of 23. But lucky for you, some genius came up with the idea of extreme couponing and decided to call it a hobby. If you can manage to collect enough of these “meal tickets” you can bet you’ll be living large (as large as you can at McDonald’s). But the real benefit is all the money you now have for liquid fuel. And no, I’m not talking about booze. Bunch of alcoholics! I’m talking about gas. You know … the stuff you need to get back to school when it's all over.

Water Wings

No beach trip can be complete without bringing one’s own personal set of flotation devices. Mom thought she had buried these in the deepest and darkest corner of the basement never to be seen again, but much to her surprise you rediscovered these gems while digging through boxes of your most treasured childhood possessions during the winter break. And while you might attract some unwanted attention, you won’t have to let your crippling fear of the ocean stop you from having a blast.

Cooler & Ice

If you’re doing Spring Break right, cold drinks will be the least of your concerns. The cooler will come in handy when some Hangover type s#!@ goes down and you need to keep your toe on ice. Believe me, this is a lot more probable than you would think. Something about sand, broken glass, and an altered mind state just doesn’t bode well for spring breakers.

Flag

Nothing, and I mean nothing, is manlier than planting your flag. This time old tradition is tried and true. It’s the perfect display of masculinity that is sure to draw attention and will help you to assert your dominance over the tiny plot of sand that will be your home in the coming week. And if you’re worried about coming across as a d-bag … don’t be. Chances are other guys will be doing the same. Make sure that when picking a flag you go for one that really speaks to who you are. Why go with your houses letters when you could just as easily use the ones in your name?

Mexican Sombrero

If you’ve never been south of Nashville, then you will quickly learn that the southern sun is as oppressive as the regime of a North Korean dictator. You’ll want to make sure that you’re protected if you want to have any hope of leaving the beach the same color as when you arrived. A sombrero is your best bet when it comes to sun protection. It’s the perfect combination of both practicality and style. I’ve always heard chicks dig foreign guys and since you can’t change where you were born (not like I’d want to) this is the next best thing. Plus I can’t tell you how many times I’ve looked at myself and thought "you know what, this outfit could really use is a sombrero."

Your Sister

I know, it sounds bad. Her age is questionable, her decision making skills even more so, and her morals are looser than the drawstrings on sweatpants. But at the end of the day, she’s still your kid sister, and you've got her back. Right? Bring her along on this trip of a lifetime and you’ll definitely score some brownie points with the bros. She’ll get to experience more than her fair share of everything the beautiful state of Florida has to offer. Rest assured you can trust this close-knit group of friends to respect her boundaries and the fact that she is your sister. Don’t let the fact that over the course of the coming week she’ll be surrounded by fraternity guys on spring break get to you.

Tobacco

Nothing says good morning quite like waking up from a long night of debauchery, heading out to the balcony, and enjoying a cup of coffee and a smoke while taking in the Florida sunrise. It’s the only peace and quiet you’ll manage to get before your friends wake up and the shenanigans begin anew. But if that’s not your scene, make sure to bring a pack for those "I only smoke when I'm drunk’ moments."  Go ahead, your body won’t mind. What’s one cigarette on top of the case of beer you already consumed? Remember, you’re not on spring break to make good decisions for your body.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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