Why We Should Not Hurt Someone's Feelings

Why We Should Not Hurt Someone's Feelings

Feelings can cause physical damage.


What I am tired of hearing is that we should "rub some dirt in it." Yes, we are not supposed to coddle the ego of another person, but we are also supposed to be considerate of their feelings. The ego and the heart should never be confused. The ego of a person is their own sense of importance in relation to other people, and the heart is the ultimate motivator for how a person keeps their inner drive to pursue their interests and goals.

Using words of affirmation, people tend to confuse the ego and the heart to be the same part of the personality of a person. We tell people that we cherish them because that is words of affirmation. However, flattery can be confused to be genuine words of affirmation—words like "you are the most important person in this group, you're cuter/smarter/funnier than anyone else" are fluffs to the ego that do not actually help people. Inflating a person's ego is mostly not synonymous with words of affirmation. While the metaphorical heart holds the dearest parts of life for a person, the ego is like a trophy case with a window display for every "trophy" of that person. People may want a trophy, but they need a heart. We need the part of our personality that upholds our values and sense of what is important to us. People seek to protect the love they have for their families, friends, and other parts that reinforce their sense of self. The ego, however, can be misconstrued as a more important part of the personality even though it is not.

Hurting someone's feelings can actually cause physical damage. This is because social rejection is usually stressful for the people that must undergo it. According to Psychology Today, all emotions have a motor component.

This implies that every emotion will be felt by our body as well as our mind. It can cause tension in different muscle groups.

However, the most important reason why feelings are important is the same reason why we equate our feelings to our heart in the middle of our chest.

The truth is that both emotional pain and physical pain are identified to be synonymous by the brain. This is due to the neural circuits within the brain being wired to treat both emotional and physical pain as the same entity. Emotional and physical pain are both interpreted within the anterior cingulate cortex. Guess what else the anterior cingulate cortex coincidentally controls? Heart rate and blood pressure. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE. The anterior cingulate cortex also happens to play a part in decision-making, evaluation processes, emotional regulation, preparation tasks, AND error detection.

The implications for the same exact area in the brain to regulate both our heart and our feelings is vital: the physical health of our heart is correlated with the emotional health regulated by our anterior cingulate cortex. Another implication includes that our decision-making is heavily intertwined with the physical health of our heart as well as our emotions.

This is why there is a syndrome called Broken Heart syndrome. When a person undergoes enough stress from painful emotions, such as a surprising break-up or the death of a loved one, that person can develop Broken Heart syndrome. This is when one area of the heart has difficulty functioning, so the rest of the areas try to compensate and keep the heart pumping. Emotions have been proven to influence the heartbeat and heart pressure, so to hurt someone's feelings can be considered to also hurt someone's physical heart.

However, notice how the ego has nothing to do with the anterior cingulate cortex. A person's ego has nothing to do with the physical regulation of someone's heart. You can hurt someone's ego without hurting their heart.

This is why people call most of their emotional attachments and meaningful experiences to be a "part of their heart." Each of these attachments and experiences did have an influence on their physical heart. This is because both the heart and emotions include regulation with the anterior cingulate cortex.

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Here's To Being Me And Not Changing For Anyone

I am not who everyone thinks I should be, and chances are, neither are you.


I live in a special kind of world. I see everything as confetti, cupcakes, unicorns, and rainbows. I am extremely naive. I never break the rules. I am a "goody-two-shoes" to the highest degree. I am the girl that has defied it all.

I drive my mother crazy because I am very trusting of others and I get extremely upset and let down when someone betrays me, but even then, I will give them chance after chance. I struggle with realizing that people will fail me. I feel as though since I am nice to everyone, they should be nice to me. Well, this is not reality.

I want to be everyone's friend and go-to gal, but I have had to learn that people will take advantage of me. People see me as a weak innocent young lady, and I am like a fat man to a cupcake when it comes to being taken over by someone else.

I know why this happens, but I do not know how to stop it. I love getting to know people and investing in others' lives, but how do I protect my heart in the process?

I know I cannot possibly be the only person that sees their glass as half-full or completely running over all of the time, so we must come together. The world is a horrible nasty place, but there is no reason that it has to be.

Why can the world not be confetti, cupcakes, unicorns, and rainbows? It is all about our mindset as a society. If we were all just a bit sweeter to our neighbor, classmate, coworker, child, sibling, or even the incarcerated, would it really be that hard of a change?

So, instead of changing myself to have a harder heart or a negative outlook on life, I think I will change the world. I do not have to be like everyone else, because there is unity in diversity. I simply want to see others succeed and make the world just a tiny bit better.

I encourage you today to not change for society.

Stay in your world and make it your reality.

Who knows? Maybe a good dose of some confetti wouldn't be so bad for everyone.

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You Don't Need A 'Bikini Body' To Fully Love Yourself This Summer

You don't need to be stick-thin to feel good about your body.


One of my favorite quotes of all time is, "Comparison is the thief of joy." Want to know why? Because it's true.

I could look in the mirror one day and feel totally confident about myself. Then I'll see a post on Instagram of some beautiful girl, feel awful, and wonder why I don't look like that. But there's a reason I don't look like that — because I'm me, not them.

The fact of the matter is that we need to love ourselves for who we are. We need to stop comparing our beauty to that of others. We are all our own people and we should feel confident in our beauty.

Bikini season is a major source of struggle for me and many others. Everyone is lounging on the beach in bikinis and you feel like you just want to hide under your towel. Every other photo on your social media is a super skinny girl from high school showing off her body. You will NEVER see a photo of me in a bikini on social media because I'm simply not comfortable in my body enough to show it off like that. I have always wished that I was, but at the same time, that's not who I am.

You don't need to be stick thin to feel good about your body. Every body is beautiful, and we need to embrace that. If we constantly look to others as a source of comparison, we will literally never be happy in our own skin.

Bikini season is tough as it is, don't make it tougher on yourself by allowing your mind to take over. Enjoy your spring break, enjoy your summer, enjoy your life. You deserve it. You deserve happiness.

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