Why We Should Not Hurt Someone's Feelings

Why We Should Not Hurt Someone's Feelings

Feelings can cause physical damage.


What I am tired of hearing is that we should "rub some dirt in it." Yes, we are not supposed to coddle the ego of another person, but we are also supposed to be considerate of their feelings. The ego and the heart should never be confused. The ego of a person is their own sense of importance in relation to other people, and the heart is the ultimate motivator for how a person keeps their inner drive to pursue their interests and goals.

Using words of affirmation, people tend to confuse the ego and the heart to be the same part of the personality of a person. We tell people that we cherish them because that is words of affirmation. However, flattery can be confused to be genuine words of affirmation—words like "you are the most important person in this group, you're cuter/smarter/funnier than anyone else" are fluffs to the ego that do not actually help people. Inflating a person's ego is mostly not synonymous with words of affirmation. While the metaphorical heart holds the dearest parts of life for a person, the ego is like a trophy case with a window display for every "trophy" of that person. People may want a trophy, but they need a heart. We need the part of our personality that upholds our values and sense of what is important to us. People seek to protect the love they have for their families, friends, and other parts that reinforce their sense of self. The ego, however, can be misconstrued as a more important part of the personality even though it is not.

Hurting someone's feelings can actually cause physical damage. This is because social rejection is usually stressful for the people that must undergo it. According to Psychology Today, all emotions have a motor component.

This implies that every emotion will be felt by our body as well as our mind. It can cause tension in different muscle groups.

However, the most important reason why feelings are important is the same reason why we equate our feelings to our heart in the middle of our chest.

The truth is that both emotional pain and physical pain are identified to be synonymous by the brain. This is due to the neural circuits within the brain being wired to treat both emotional and physical pain as the same entity. Emotional and physical pain are both interpreted within the anterior cingulate cortex. Guess what else the anterior cingulate cortex coincidentally controls? Heart rate and blood pressure. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE. The anterior cingulate cortex also happens to play a part in decision-making, evaluation processes, emotional regulation, preparation tasks, AND error detection.

The implications for the same exact area in the brain to regulate both our heart and our feelings is vital: the physical health of our heart is correlated with the emotional health regulated by our anterior cingulate cortex. Another implication includes that our decision-making is heavily intertwined with the physical health of our heart as well as our emotions.

This is why there is a syndrome called Broken Heart syndrome. When a person undergoes enough stress from painful emotions, such as a surprising break-up or the death of a loved one, that person can develop Broken Heart syndrome. This is when one area of the heart has difficulty functioning, so the rest of the areas try to compensate and keep the heart pumping. Emotions have been proven to influence the heartbeat and heart pressure, so to hurt someone's feelings can be considered to also hurt someone's physical heart.

However, notice how the ego has nothing to do with the anterior cingulate cortex. A person's ego has nothing to do with the physical regulation of someone's heart. You can hurt someone's ego without hurting their heart.

This is why people call most of their emotional attachments and meaningful experiences to be a "part of their heart." Each of these attachments and experiences did have an influence on their physical heart. This is because both the heart and emotions include regulation with the anterior cingulate cortex.

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I Hate That I Struggle To Love My 'Midsize' Body

I gained a few pounds, but that shouldn't be the end of the world, yet it is in a sense.


Junior year of college has been quite the wild ride. I've had the best academic year of my entire life, yet struggled, in the end, to even want to get anything done. I didn't care about a lot of the things that used to matter to me.

I gained weight at the beginning of my second semester and went up a jean size, so half of my summer wardrobe just doesn't fit me anymore, and it's made me feel embarrassed. I went from a size 6 to an 8/10, and while it doesn't seem like a big jump to the average person, it was to me. I don't like looking in the mirror and seeing a bigger pooch than usual, or how my thighs have gotten super irritated because they also got bigger. Chaffing I used to only have in the summer occurred in late January and even scared my inner thighs. It's not cute and it hurts when it flares up. I am terrified to wear my bikinis again because I know they won't fit, and the second I put on shorts my thighs are going to want to kill me if I don't kill them first.

I came to really love my body last summer after struggling through a rough breakup where I stopped caring about myself. I owned myself last summer and as much as I want to again this summer, I'm really struggling with the idea of it.

All I feel like I see on social media are skinny girls with zero hint of a pooch or thick thighs in sight. I've never been a skinny girl and I never want to be, but I can't help but envy the people I've seen online and in person. Of course, what I see on social media isn't really accurate, but it's still been tough to look at these girls who seem like they don't have a care in the world. They can eat whatever they want and still look flawless. They can throw on a bikini and not have to feel like they need to suck everything in so no one sees their pooch hanging over their bikini bottom. As a stress eater who is still too terrified to try on her bikinis, I'm not looking forward to showing my body off when all I want to do sometimes is hide it because I don't feel happy with what I see.

I will always love being a curvier girl and YouTubers like Sierra Schultzzie, Carrie Dayton, and Lucy Wood have given me a new boost of inspiration to embrace the body I have right now. I'm not skinny but I'm not plus sized either. I feel pressure from myself and certain people in my life to be skinnier and not "let myself go." I

'm so happy to have friends who have helped me through my struggles and support me, even when I don't want to support myself. These YouTuber's have opened my eyes to the fact that this body deserves to be loved just as much as my former, smaller body.

I want to love myself with 100% of my being and I hate how much hatred I've allowed to go on inside of me. There is only one me and I need to be proud of her. Maybe she gained some weight and isn't what society expects from a girl, but she's still amazing and has so much to offer.

I wish I could see more girls like me on YouTube or social media offering a representation of my body type, which I hardly ever see. Aerie and American Eagle have done a fantastic job of including different body types and it's been a great help in seeing that they really to make clothes for all types of women, not just a size zero to two. Added representation really does wonders for someone suffering from low body confidence like me.

While I hope to begin my journey into losing a few pounds this summer by jogging whenever I get the chance, I'm not going to put intense pressure on myself to look a certain way. I am single for the summer and exploring life with my best friends by my side. I'm here to be the best version of me that I can. I cannot let negative thoughts about myself to dictate how I feel every day. I am strong, I am beautiful, and I need to love myself and my body as I am.

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Looking Back At My Past

When I moved out of my dad's house at 18, I learned several life lessons the hard way. It was an uphill battle to figure out "adulting." I hope this will give some people the ability to learn certain things without going down the hard path.


Life has a way of teaching lessons when you are overwhelmed. The more you are exposed to, the easier it is to learn these lessons. This article goes into what I wish I knew when I first got onto my own. There were many struggles, hardships and tough times you go through when you start your walk of life alone. But with it comes victories, and the knowledge of being able to get through anything. I hope when people read this article they will see what I put as a priority to learn when you become independent.

1. Money!

Learn how to budget! Learn how you're bank works, learn about taxes. Yes these seem like boring subjects, but money, or the lack thereof, can and will make your life miserable. This is something that many adults have trouble with, and it will put stress onto you. Just taking an afternoon to learn about what you need to do for your money needs will reduce stress.

2. Make at least one friend at the place you live.

The first apartment complex I lived at, I met a (I think) 45-50 year old man. I will not actually say his name but for this purpose his name is "Tim". Tim had lived in that complex for about 20 years, and he knew the staff and the residents. If I needed help or someone to talk to. He was more of a father figure than a creepy old guy. I was new to the town, living by myself, in the middle ground between a couple of in-town gangs. I needed all the help I could get, and when you have a connection it helps.

3. Know the differences between needs and wants.

Figure out your needs: food, rent, utilities. This type of thing ties into money and time. Do not invest too much time in people that are not good for you. Invest your time in your interests, hobbies, things that make you content. When you put your time in someone who at the end isn't worth it, it will occupy your mind months after they are gone.

4. Stay in contact with your family. 

My family is pretty distant to each other. We could probably go a year without talking and it wouldn't bug me. My mom and I have gotten close recently. Generally the 'after high school' years. My mom has helped me through hard times, she has leaded me an ear, or some tough advice. Yes we've had our hard times, but there are many things that I have learned from her. I understand that once you get out on your own, it is easy to stop talking to them; especially if you had a rough time growing up. A story for another time, but if you can stay in contact even if it's as little as a text from now and then. Family is something that is hard to replace once they are gone.

5. The way life teaches lessons. 

Life will teach lessons easy at first, then they will get harder to learn as we get older. An example of this is keeping your room clean as a child, then when you have an apartment. There is more cleaning to do. If you add kids and a house to that, it's even harder. My mom has an odd way of explaining this lesson. "It's like getting hit with a 2x4." The lesson first hits you, and it's small like a golf ball. Then the baseball hits you if you didn't learn before. Before you know it you get hit by a 2x4 and the lesson will hurt in someway. So please learn it before you get hit with a 2x4.

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