Don't Go
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Sometimes, we need to understand that each of us having dark and painful secrets is only half the story. We also need to realize that even just one shoulder to lean on is the single greatest remedy to our most inner fears.

It's a matter of listening, and a willingness to be that one shoulder. It can happen many ways, possibly like this...

"Yeah I'm fine!

No, really, I'm fine... well, I don't know. I'm just thinking about things, it's no big deal. I don't wanna talk about it, not that there's anything to talk, it's not serious. I feel fine, it's just one of those days, you know? Reflection, nostalgia.

I guess. I mean, not every day, but sometimes, like yesterday. I was a little depressed yesterday, kinda like today. I suppose occasionally. I don't know, I really don't know... I think it's being home from college.

No, I mean... I don't know. Coming home and seeing everything again, it's great and all but I can't help thinking about what I could have done differently. I regret a lot. Well, no, not a lot, just some things.

Maybe a lot, actually.

It's just unfair. Why do I feel this way?

I try! I want to tell you, I just, I don't know... I keep things to myself. I guess, it's hard to talk to others. Some people do it so well. Some people open up about everything, share their feelings and interact with others so seamlessly.

It's really hard. Why do I feel this way?

I'm just really sad. Do you know what it feels like when that guilt, that sharp, penetrating pain of guilt haunts your every thought? Do you know what it feels like when you're desperately looking for someone, anyone, to talk to, but mentally you can't bring yourself to say anything, to approach the people you love the most? Do you know what it's like to feel something so strongly, and yet, so vehemently, you try and suppress that very feeling?

I do. It's why I'm a completely different person with you than I am around everyone else, and I hate that. I always feel like I'm hiding, not being truthful, putting on a mask. I don't even know who I am anymore.

Am I this person? Am I that person? Who should I be, do I have to choose? I certainly feel horrible now, leading this double life. This triple life. I've lost count of the lies I've told.

I just always feel alone. There are parts of me that don't fit with other parts of me. There are things I want that clash with what I'm supposed to want, and I just can't talk about it with anyone. Why is it like this! What have I done, I just want it to end. I feel like I'm at war with myself.

... How am I supposed to go on? Being here, being at home, I get sick to my stomach whenever I meet anyone I used to know, think about anything I used to do. I just can't do anything right, I don't even know what right is!

I'm so angry, I'm furious, why is it so. hard.

I've never told anyone that before. I don't know what it is about you. Somehow, you make everything a little easier. You make it hurt a little less. You make me a little happier.

Can we just stay like this for a while? I just want to be with you. Don't go, please...

I'm not fine.

But the world doesn't seem so big with you here.

Don't go."


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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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