Your past does not define your future.

I graduated high school in June 2015. I thought I was super ready for college, but I wasn't ready at all. I had many bumps in the road for my first semester of college. I did not know how to study and my roommate and I did not get along. My grades were average and by the end of the semester, I completely failed out of school. I was not allowed back to school for the upcoming spring semester. I had to get my grades up at a community college to be allowed back at school.

Now, I am returning to a school after having once failed out of. I am extremely nervous and anxious. I need to show that I am better than who I was a year ago. I cannot have the same mentality as I did. I feel ready but I still have a pain in my chest that can't go away. My failures will not define who I am as a person. I know one day I will be able to achieve things I never thought I would be able to achieve before. Everyday is a learning process for me. There may be a few bumps in the road from time to time but I know it will all work out.

Now, on the flip side, I was a Veterinary Technology major. I love studying science. The down part is my irrational anxieties. I had panic attacks during lab. My own professor thought I was crazy. My anxiety really escalated when I had to practice injections on cats and dogs. I have always have had a major fear of needles. I literally still have to be held when I get a needle. It's extremely irrational. I had a fear that the needle would go into me, so I would always start to shake, panic, and cry.

So, I'm 19 years old crying over a needle. Not many people are probably like me. Also, I helped many people study for Animal Anatomy and they got better grades than I did. I only passed one test in that class. My professor knew about my anxiety and let me take the test at a later time to try and calm my nerves. Sadly, it did not help. I studied a week for that test and I never have done so poorly. I got more than half of the answers wrong. I was so anxiety-filled that I couldn't even focus on the test itself. I also get very anxious in work environments around animals. Most are caused by my past issues: my 7th grade science teacher saying I won't be a doctor, a job I had a few years ago and being in the Veterinary Technology program. Episodes of panic play in my head over and over again. I can't seem to stop thinking about it. I just hope one day I can get my life together and be able to do something I love. I would absolutely love being a Veterinary Technician, my anxiety is just too high. Plus, Veterinary Technician programs aren't going anywhere so I could become one at 60 years old if I wanted too.

I am now a liberal arts major with science and math classes. I know one day everything will work out for me. I just have to breathe and take it all in. Everything will come into place. I am extremely thankful for getting a second chance at SUNY Delhi. I really hope to prove people wrong. I know I can do it. I will not mind if it will take me many years to get me to where I want to be in life.