Don't Give Up: A Story Of Second Chances

Don't Give Up: A Story Of Second Chances

Don't let your past define your future
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Your past does not define your future.

I graduated high school in June 2015. I thought I was super ready for college, but I wasn't ready at all. I had many bumps in the road for my first semester of college. I did not know how to study and my roommate and I did not get along. My grades were average and by the end of the semester, I completely failed out of school. I was not allowed back to school for the upcoming spring semester. I had to get my grades up at a community college to be allowed back at school.

Now, I am returning to a school after having once failed out of. I am extremely nervous and anxious. I need to show that I am better than who I was a year ago. I cannot have the same mentality as I did. I feel ready but I still have a pain in my chest that can't go away. My failures will not define who I am as a person. I know one day I will be able to achieve things I never thought I would be able to achieve before. Everyday is a learning process for me. There may be a few bumps in the road from time to time but I know it will all work out.

Now, on the flip side, I was a Veterinary Technology major. I love studying science. The down part is my irrational anxieties. I had panic attacks during lab. My own professor thought I was crazy. My anxiety really escalated when I had to practice injections on cats and dogs. I have always have had a major fear of needles. I literally still have to be held when I get a needle. It's extremely irrational. I had a fear that the needle would go into me, so I would always start to shake, panic, and cry.

So, I'm 19 years old crying over a needle. Not many people are probably like me. Also, I helped many people study for Animal Anatomy and they got better grades than I did. I only passed one test in that class. My professor knew about my anxiety and let me take the test at a later time to try and calm my nerves. Sadly, it did not help. I studied a week for that test and I never have done so poorly. I got more than half of the answers wrong. I was so anxiety-filled that I couldn't even focus on the test itself. I also get very anxious in work environments around animals. Most are caused by my past issues: my 7th grade science teacher saying I won't be a doctor, a job I had a few years ago and being in the Veterinary Technology program. Episodes of panic play in my head over and over again. I can't seem to stop thinking about it. I just hope one day I can get my life together and be able to do something I love. I would absolutely love being a Veterinary Technician, my anxiety is just too high. Plus, Veterinary Technician programs aren't going anywhere so I could become one at 60 years old if I wanted too.

I am now a liberal arts major with science and math classes. I know one day everything will work out for me. I just have to breathe and take it all in. Everything will come into place. I am extremely thankful for getting a second chance at SUNY Delhi. I really hope to prove people wrong. I know I can do it. I will not mind if it will take me many years to get me to where I want to be in life.


Cover Image Credit: www.domesticshelters.org

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To The Friends I Won't Talk To After High School

I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.
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Hey,

So, for the last four years I’ve seen you almost everyday. I’ve learned about your annoying little brother, your dogs and your crazy weekend stories. I’ve seen you rock the awful freshman year fashion, date, attend homecoming, study for AP tests, and get accepted into college.

Thank you for asking me about my day, filling me in on your boy drama and giving me the World History homework. Thank you for complimenting my outfits, laughing at me presenting in class and listening to me complain about my parents. Thank you for sending me your Quizlets and being excited for my accomplishments- every single one of them. I appreciate it all because I know that soon I won’t really see you again. And that makes me sad. I’ll no longer see your face every Monday morning, wave hello to you in the hallways or eat lunch with you ever again. We won't live in the same city and sooner or later you might even forget my name.

We didn’t hang out after school but none the less you impacted me in a huge way. You supported my passions, stood up for me and made me laugh. You gave me advice on life the way you saw it and you didn’t have to but you did. I think maybe in just the smallest way, you influenced me. You made me believe that there’s lots of good people in this world that are nice just because they can be. You were real with me and that's all I can really ask for. We were never in the same friend group or got together on the weekends but you were still a good friend to me. You saw me grow up before your eyes and watched me walk into class late with Starbucks every day. I think people like you don’t get enough credit because I might not talk to you after high school but you are still so important to me. So thanks.

With that said, I truly hope that our paths cross one day in the future. You can tell me about how your brothers doing or how you regret the college you picked. Or maybe one day I’ll see you in the grocery store with a ring on your finger and I’ll be so happy you finally got what you deserved so many guys ago.

And if we ever do cross paths, I sincerely hope you became everything you wanted to be. I hope you traveled to Italy, got your dream job and found the love of your life. I hope you have beautiful children and a fluffy dog named Charlie. I hope you found success in love before wealth and I hope you depended on yourself for happiness before anything else. I hope you visited your mom in college and I hope you hugged your little sister every chance you got. She’s in high school now and you always tell her how that was the time of your life. I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.

And hey, maybe I’ll see you at the reunion and maybe just maybe you’ll remember my face. If so, I’d like to catch up, coffee?

Sincerely,

Me

Cover Image Credit: High school Musical

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