My mother is a believer in signs. I am not. I'm not talking about signs like stop signs or signs promoting a business, but signs that are "messages" from a deceased loved one. My mom has always told me when she experiences a "so-called sign," one that comes from either her parents (who passed away before I was born) or my dad (who passed away last June). These signs make my mother a believer that these special people who, although are no longer in her everyday life, their spirit is felt by her.
I was never a big believer in signs. I thought these signs just coincidentally showed up at a time you were thinking about a loved one and then the sign went away. However, as this past year came and went, I have found that these so-called "signs" are extremely prevalent in my life. For anyone who has not experienced a loss, this may be hard to understand. For me though, I will take whatever I can get.
Everyday at work I am surrounded by trees and nature. I am not very into nature or bugs for that matter, but one insect has literally followed me all throughout the workday at camp: the butterfly. Sometimes the butterfly is a Monarch; its beautiful orange and brown wings flutter around me. Monarchs are said to be spiritual carriers from the deceased to the living. Other times it's a small white butterfly that seems to have no sense of direction whatsoever, as it always soars right into my arm. During the first week of work, I did not think much of these butterflies. I noticed that they were following me of course, but I did not think much of it. The butterflies would only come out when I was walking alone or when I was with my co-workers. They very rarely flew near me when my campers were around. I continued to work as normal, but the thought of the butterflies clung to the back of my head like glue.
One day two weeks ago, the thought finally hit me. These butterflies may be a sign from my dad. I knew that my mom always said that butterflies are a sign from her parents, so maybe they are a sign from my dad. My dad knew how happy I was to go to work each day and perform a job that I thoroughly enjoy. Are these butterflies him following me around and giving me extra motivation to move through the day? Or are these butterflies simply following me because they like me? Those questions have been marinating in my brain for the past two weeks. Like I said before, I am not a big believer in signs.
Today, however, I feel that this longing question has been answered. It was Parent's Visiting Day at work and each camper brought his or her parents or family members to camp for the day. Even though I am a counselor and my family is not supposed to come for visiting day, it is still hard knowing that my dad never got to watch the enjoyment I have being the counselor I am today. Today was extremely hot; all of the girls were uber excited to go jump right into the pool. We had just finished a game of kickball and I was dripping sweat. As the girls jumped in, I sat on the bench in the shade. As I sat, a Monarch butterfly fluttered out of nowhere and decided to sit five feet in front of me. The butterfly stared at me for about five minutes and I stared right back at it. It was silent and steady and it did not move a muscle. There was no way that this butterfly was not my dad looking down upon me. Sure the butterfly could have just been getting its rest from the hot day in the sun, but that would be quite the coincidence.
There is still a small part of me that thinks that signs do not exist. This part of me still thinks that these signs are just coincidental and do not mean anything. As I ponder more and more about these signs, however, I realize that they may just be my dad watching over me from above. I guess I will just never know, but for now, I can say that I am more of a believer.
