Time and time again I hear the same story from my girlfriends."There's a guy, and we're essentially dating, but we're not dating, he doesn't want to put a title on it," or "When we're alone he acts like we're together, and then in public, he acts like he's single." or we have the typical, "I know in the beginning he was sleeping around, but he definitely isn't now he told me he isn't! Besides it's not technically cheating because we're not technically dating."
Almost every time I hear this I hear it from my girlfriends who are what I consider relationship people. They accept these behaviors from their partner, but they in return act monogamous, meaning they would never even consider being with anyone else but the partner who is toying around with them. So, they act like they're in the relationship, but their partner is acting single. So why do they put up with it?
The answer boils down to a few things.
The first thing is emotions. These girls are normally very picky about the people they spend their time with and don't normally find themselves attracted to a lot of people, so when they find someone they like or even love, they latch on for dear life, despite some complications. They love this person, so whatever it takes to be with them, they'll do, even if it means sacrificing some of themselves in the process. Love takes compromise, but not sacrifice. There's a difference.
The next is the "fixing" ideal. The thought that a man's behavior can be changed, or he can learn to be the man you want him to be. You can teach him, or fix him to act a certain way, do the things you want him to do. But still, you are constantly asking for more, begging him to do more, and when he doesn't want to do it, he acts like you are high maintenance for expecting too much. As a girl who is hopeful and tends to romanticize situations, she believes him. You cannot change someone who doesn't want to change. If he says he does, yet he again makes the same mistakes, don't believe him.
The next is another big reason why these girls refuse to walk away from these situations: fear of dating and a fear of being alone. As a relationship girl, they don't like the idea of casual dating or having to reject a guy that they think is sweet, but they are not interested in. They are nice, and they don't want to come across as mean. Also, they don't want to have to try to date other people, but they also don't want to be alone as they are relationship people and they are picky about who they spend their time with. It is better to be alone than be with the wrong person. Besides, you have every right to say no, embrace it instead of fearing it.
Multiple factors contribute to girls dealing with the same type of uncommitted "commitment" man. At the end of the day, it's difficult to walk away from someone you care about and have spent so much time and effort on. However, to all the ladies out there, if you need a sign that you deserve better, this is it. You deserve to have someone who effortlessly chooses you day in and day out. You shouldn't have to fight so hard to be with someone, they should fight every day to be with you. You shouldn't have to question if they do or do not like you, you should just know. They should want to commit, not be asked to. You. Deserve. Better. Besides, he's really not worth it.
