I want to cry during worship. I want God to overwhelm me so much so with His presence that I can't help it but to just cry. I want Him to break my heart like His.
A couple weekends of go, my school had a city-wide worship night, led by one of our band teams. During that time of worship, my friend who was leading spoke on how broken our city was. She said how we are the lights that are going to reach them, and that the people of our city may not even realize what they're missing until they see how we are different.
That hit me hard.
Immediately, I couldn't stand. My knees grew weak and I feel on my face, sobbing. I was a wreck.
And I realized at that moment just how long it had been since I had really cried during worship. I used to cry during times of worship every. single. time. Kind of like clockwork. But then, I was hurting more. I needed God to change me.
Now, I'm not saying that stopped. I am still a broken person who needs God's relentless Grace and Love. I need Him to change me every single day.
The thing that did change, though, was that I grew complacent. God took away my hurting and I came to a good place in my life. I stopped hurting and didn't need to cry out for God as I had before.
I stopped crying during worship.
This recent worship night where I fell on my knees sobbing reminded me of how God uses broken people. He uses those who are broken to reach those who are broken.
If you're hurting, you're not going to take advice from someone who has their entire life figured out. You will, however, listen to someone who has been kicked down, bruised and stood up for more.
It also reminded me that I cannot be complacent. I cannot grow stagnant in my worship of God. I cannot become bored, simply just singing the songs and going through the motions.
I need to own my brokenness, letting God use that to move me to tears. But I can't let it stop there, either. Once He's moved me to tears, I need Him to push me to action.
Use my brokenness, Lord. Move me to a puddle of tears.
So, I want to cry during worship. I want to be so overwhelmed that I cannot do anything else but cry out to God, tears pouring down my face. I do not want to grow complacent. Ever.