Confessions of a Fake Blonde
Start writing a post
Lifestyle

Confessions of a Fake Blonde

Natural Blondes just Wouldn't Get it

2217
Confessions of a Fake Blonde
paper4pc.com

There is nothing more stressful than being a fake blonde. People with naturally blonde hair could never understand the pain I go through daily trying to assimilate in a world of rootless platinum girls dominating the scene. Some people may say "You chose that life," but I can assure you that it chose me. I was predisposed to be a fake blonde in life and although it was a rough journey, the results are fabulous.

The first struggle I find with being a fake blonde is the dark roots that creep out of my scalp every month. They are equivalent to satan because they are as dark as his soul. There's this old saying that "a little root never hurt nobody," but when its half way down my hair length it gets to be a little discerning to some people, including myself. People come up to me and say "Girl you need to do something about them roots!" and I'm like "Girl you got $200 for me?" I aim to get my hair did every two months because I don't have money like that so everyone has to learn to suffer until the time comes.

Being a fake blonde has turned me into a liar. When I walk out of the hair salon with my roots freshly done, I feel inclined to automatically tell everyone its natural. Once I was in the grocery store and me and this one woman were looking at spinach and she glances at my hair for point two seconds so I belted out "It's real." I have even been able to convince my mother it was real and she saw my natural brown hair from the start.

Being a fake blonde also means I have to act dumber than I actually am. No one would believe my 'blondeness' if I was acting intelligent. People will eat with me for lunch and I have to ask something stupid like "How many calories does water have?" in order to keep them entrenched in my lie.

Something else that I hate about being a fake blonde is all the purple shampoo I go through. That stuff is so expensive and if I don't use it my hair will be as brassy as a penny within a week after getting it done. And then I have to explain to my roommates just why my shampoo is purple, which means I have to trust them with my deepest darkest secret of being a fake blonde.

It is such a struggle to be a fake blonde in this world. The stigma of fake blondes needs to end because at the end of the day we just want to be something we are not. I see no harm in that. Hair colors of all kind need to come together, fake or not, and live in perfect harmony. I promise to keep getting my roots done, if everyone else promises to keep the world safe for fake blondes like me.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

77904
houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee
nappy.co

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

149480
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments