I've noticed something about myself in the last few months; something rather odd. There are times when I feel completely overwhelmed by schoolwork, yet I absolutely love college. In fact, I fully intend on pursuing a Master's Degree after I graduate with my Bachelor's Degree next spring. So why do I complain about college so much when I know, deep down, that I love it?
So that's it - I don't hate the work. I love my classes; the hundreds of pages of readings per week, thousands of words written, multiple breaks to relieve my cramped right hand, many hours spent staring at a screen, the glasses I got at age 20 because my eyes get fatigued from reading or working on the computer, and lots of time spent chasing my dream of a degree. I love studying something I am actually interested in, taking classes I actually enjoy and pursuing a degree I actually care about. No, I don't hate it, I love it; I romanticize it.
I romanticize the late nights, tired eyes, and copious amounts of coffee. I idealize the library and the countless hours spent working there. I glamorize the huge and heavy backpack that weighs down my shoulders and symbolizes my hard work. I fantasized about having glasses because I knew they would make me look studious (and I actually love my glasses, but that's beside the point). But I hate the stress it causes me.
I hate stressing about how much sleep I will get and how tired I will be if I stay up late to finish an assignment. I hate having to decide between getting good sleep and staying up late to finish an assignment; cooking myself a meal or buying a meal to save time; waking up early to go to the gym or sleeping in because I was up late for school. I hate worrying about all I'm missing out on by constantly being bogged down by work. I hate thinking about grades so much.
But I'm not quite ready to graduate (which is good, because I still have another year). In fact, even after I graduate I want to continue going to school. I love this vicious cycle of trying to fit attending classes, doing homework, social time, work, adequate sleep, exercise, upkeep (cleaning) of my house, cooking for myself, and alone time (reading, watching movies, taking bubble baths) into my life. It seems impossible, and sometimes it truly is and some of these elements fall to the wayside because I have to prioritize, but this is the life I chose.
I love college; I hate stress.
