I don't do math if I can help it (sorry Dad), but I leave for college in less than a month. Increasingly, my friends are talking about how nervous they are. If they ask me, I usually say I'm too blinded by excitement to worry.

When it seemed like I couldn't take being at home anymore (try having a graduating class of 191 and not feeling stifled every now and then), the thought of being in college reassured me. Yes, I was that Asian kid. Oops.

I just wanted more things to do than study, go to parties, and (the ultimate small-town activity) "drive around." One time, a friend and I were so bored that we drove through the graveyard.

It never mattered where I was as long as I was with my friends, but I still longed to see what new opportunities college could give me. Yet something weird has been happening lately. Every full moon — I'm just kidding. There is a change though. As I make various trips to Ikea and Costco, I find myself stepping back. Usually, I would carry plastic bins like nobody's business, fueled by what lies ahead.

My mind is going to a different place now, though.

I want one more ride through that weird graveyard. I want to go to another small-town house party where I know everyone there. I want to drive around with my friends until we don't know where we are.

I got so wrapped up in the prospect of college that my excitement buried the fact that I'll never get to experience these exact things again. When people come back from college, it's different. Good, probably, but still different.

Maybe it's just getting too real. College was something I could look forward to, and now it's actually here. The real version. Not the idealized one I've been building up in my head since I was eight. I'm still very ready to meet new people and do things I've never done before, but more and more often I can't stop thinking about what I'll have to leave behind.