I've been struggling with my mental health since I was a kid, but was never diagnosed or in therapy until the end of high school. The kind of therapy I received, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), was designed to help me understand my thoughts and what influenced my self-destructive behaviors. One thing I learned in particular has always stuck with me and that is Cognitive Distortions.
As defined by Psych Central, "Cognitive Distortions are simply ways that our mind convinces us of something that isn't really true. These inaccurate thoughts are usually used to reinforce negative thinking or emotions — telling ourselves things that sound rational and accurate, but really only serve to keep us feeling bad about ourselves." The way my therapist explained it to me was, my brain was so used to behaviors I had learned, that I used those behaviors unknowingly to make myself feel worse and couldn't even grasp that they were wrong!
She printed out a sheet of them for me to carry with me and here we are, five years later, and it's still tucked into my wallet. Once I learned them, I could pick them out in my thoughts and actions and it made me more aware of it so I could reverse the negative thoughts. If you or someone you know is struggling with negative thinking, here are some of the ways that your mental illness is tricking your brain.
1. All-Or-Nothing Thinking
GiphyThis is when you see things as black and white. You think if you don't do something perfectly, then you failed and there's no reason to try again. This isn't true for many reasons: everything in life is a process and a learning experience and learning new things takes practice and no one can be perfect all the time. Almost everyone fails their first time trying to ride a bike, but the fun part is when you get back on and try again! Be kind to yourself.
2. Over-Generalization
GiphyOver-generalization is just what it sounds like: something negative happens and then everything is negative. It can be easy for anyone, not just someone with a mental illness to over-generalize, but you have to remember that going into situations with a positive attitude can change the outcome. My tip is, when you're dealing with a negative situation, try to remember three positive things that have happened previously, even small ones. It can really help bring you back to a rational line of thought.
3. Mental Filter
GiphyWhen you pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it instead of focusing on the experience as a whole, you are using a mental filter. For example, when you're with a group of friends and everyone is talking and having fun, but one friend says something that potentially was hurtful. Instead of turning your attention back to the fun experience you were having before, the night is now ruined in your mind. The negative detail, is the drop of ink discoloring the entire beaker of water.
4. Disqualifying the Positives
GiphyThis is when you reject positive experiences, because you insist they "don't count". For some reason, your brain can make some pretty bold statements when you're depressed. My popular ones were, "I have no friends" and "no one loves me". I wouldn't think about my actual friends at all, because my brain had convinced me I had none! You have to think of your everyday experiences and decide if you're being rational in your thoughts or if you're just disqualifying the positive to keep up your negative belief.
5. Jumping to Conclusions
GiphyJumping to conclusions is when you make a negative assumption about a situation with no facts to back it up. This could be with another person, where you think they're mad at you, or with an event, where you think things will 100% end up badly. Our mind can do some pretty bizarre things, but to my knowledge it can't read other minds. It also can't predict the future. When it comes to jumping to conclusions we need to keep in mind that nothing is set in stone, and you never truly know what will happen until you experience it.
6. Binocular Trick
GiphyMagnification of your errors or other peoples achievements and minimization of your skills and talents are examples of the "binocular trick". Everyone messes up sometimes and you can't always expect perfection, so it's important to not make your mistakes a big deal and stress so hard about them. It's natural. On the other hand, if you have a talent or skill, don't minimize it! Show it off and find others who are interested too. It can help you feel more confident in your abilities and make you feel good about yourself.
7. Emotional Reasoning
GiphyDepression can cause a multitude of negative emotions, but sometimes your brain uses those emotions to make you think that's how things really are. Just because you feel like the world would be better without you, definitely doesn't make it true. When you're struggling with thoughts like this, try to reach out if you can. Think of the people around you who you impact everyday, and think about the difference you make for them.
8. "Should" Statements
Giphy"Should" statements are a big no-no. The word should when directed towards others, evokes feelings of anger, frustration, and resentment. Using should and shouldn't to motivate ourselves only makes us feel guilty, and like we aren't doing what we're "supposed" to be doing. Remember there is nothing more important than taking care of yourself, and when you're struggling the last thing you need is to make yourself feel worse. Try to change your mindset from "I should..." to "I want to do these things, but if I don't it's okay."
9. Mislabeling
GiphyMislabeling is when you make a mistake, instead of explaining your error, you write it off as, "I'm a loser." This is wrong because one mistake doesn't change the character of who you are. It turns describing events into a emotionally loaded situation and can cause negative feelings. You can also mislabel others that rub you the wrong way. This can cause tension as well. Always try to keep an open mind about situations and people. Also, remember to take credit for your mistake without talking yourself down as not to negatively affect your self esteem.
10. Personalization
GiphyThis is where you see yourself as the cause of an event you weren't responsible for. This can lead to tremendous feelings of guilt because you can't justify something that wasn't your fault. For example, let's say, your parents get divorced when you were young and you grow up with a belief that if you'd have behaved better, or been a better kid, your parents would have worked out. This is obviously a distorted way of thinking because there was nothing you could do. Parents get divorced because of adult issues their kids probably never even knew about but a child growing up feeling responsible for issues out of their control can take a toll on their mental health.
If these ways of thinking are something you struggle with, being aware of them and that others have a similar mental process can make a world of a difference. When you are lost in your train of negative thinking, remembering that your brain is just tricking you can be a big relief and can help pull you back to rational thinking.
If you or anyone you know is struggling or needs support you can always reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Crisis Text Line by texting 741741.
