We all go through hard times. Sometimes those hard times last longer than we want them to. Sometimes we get to the point where we wonder when this will end. When will we feel normal again? When will the pain stop and the happiness begin again?
Then, it happens.
For me, it was an eating disorder. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and bulimic tendencies at the beginning of my junior year in college. Up to this point, I was a Dean's List student with lots of friends and a body most people would consider their "after picture." But for some reason, an emotionally traumatic experience in my life completely changed my way of thinking. I had struggled for almost six months before I even saw a doctor. I kept thinking, "it'll go away." "This can't be happening to me." "I can change this on my own."
I tried to fight my diagnosis until I just couldn't take it anymore.
I hated looking in the mirror. I hated what I saw in myself, both physically and mentally. I was a train wreck and my heart was broken for the girl I used to be. I felt every day like I was letting my family down by not being okay. I was letting myself down. Each day my confidence in myself got lower and lower, and eventually it started affecting my school work. I am an intelligent girl, but this problem was not one I could solve on my own.
I sought after God. He created me fearfully and wonderfully. Perfect in His image. I sought clarity and hope from His word.
I sought medical attention. There's nothing wrong with getting help. Especially being a nursing major, I could not be a hypocrite to my future patients if I didn't use the talented men and women God sent to this earth to be doctors.
It still took a while. About four months on medication and with God leading my way, I looked in the mirror one day. I still saw the girl I used to be disappointed in. I saw every flaw on and in my body. But instead of hiding from those flaws, I embraced them. I looked at myself as a smart, strong, beautiful person. I may be a work-in-progress right now, but I am not ashamed to be this girl until I get there.
It's an emotional moment. To love yourself as an unfinished work of art is not an easy thing to do. To nourish yourself mind, body, and spirit is not an easy thing to do. To get past heartbreak and chemical imbalances in your brain are not easy things to do. But that moment when you can see past all of that and love the human being you are right now.
That's the moment you've been waiting on for so long.
