You may be the worst thing in my life. It is as simple as that. You are constantly tearing me down, making me feel worthless and you are always trying to make me self-conscious. There is no sugar coating you, Anxiety. You...You are the worst thing that could ever be bestowed on someone. You are controlling, unstable and honestly a complete waste of an emotion. You make me feel as if the world is closing in on me. People say you are breathtaking, but when you give me an attack, you are literally taking my breath away and forcing me to beg for it back. People say you make their eyes throb but in reality, you make my eye sockets go numb and red from crying because you are such an attention seeker. Let me ask you something Anxiety, have you ever felt like a rug was pulled from underneath you? Like you couldn't touch the ground? Everything you do in life you have to second guess or over analyze? Anxiety, that is what you do to me every single time you show up. Hanging out with you isn't fun, you are a burden. You like to play games, especially when I go out with friends. You take a small comment that was said, and stick in the front of my mind for the entire night. You think it's funny when I become introverted and silent. You like excluding me from the conversation and keeping me all to yourself. You think my life is a game, well let me tell you one thing. It's not.
You put me through hell and back. You made me feel worthless when I knew I wasn't. You kicked me in the face when I was down. You made me feel like I couldn't move on because of a comment, or an action, or even a thought... a thought. You were able to even control what I was thinking, actions that weren't even occurring. You made up scenarios in my head and played them over and over again until I would crack. You make me nightmares reality, you show the evil inside of me. Well, guess what not anymore. I hate you, I really do. Guess what? I am stronger than you, I am better than you and do you want to know why? It's because of you. After living my life with you anxiety, not on medication or seeing someone to talk to, I learned that there is more to you than your tough outside. You're vulnerable. Without me and my worries you are worthless, you are weak and you are able to be stopped. I pushed you out of my life. I made you beg for me back. I looked you in the eyes and said: "f*ck off." If you think for one second that I want you back, then you were more pathetic than I thought. I am addressing this letter to you and making it public because I feel not only do you deserve to be shown to the world, but you deserve to be called out. You do not control us, the ones with anxiety. We now control you. You may be a part of us, but you under no obligation or allowance control us.
For my final conclusion Anxiety, I would just like to say thank you for all the tears, attacks and mental breakdowns that you have given me throughout my life. I'm a lot stronger because of it, and I'm damn more confident.
The One Who Got Away