When to "Break Up" with Your Fair Weather Friend

When to "Break Up" with Your Fair Weather Friend

It's okay to end a friendship if you aren't being treated fairly.
291
views

Okay, ladies: it's time we had a talk.

For many of us, we can tell when a significant other is not the one for us. They make us feel bad, they tell us what to do, how to dress, where to go; they don't like our other friends, they get jealous way too easy... all of these things are red flags, right? We're young, intelligent women – we know when someone is toxic for us. We recognize the person they make us isn't the person we want to be. So what do we do? We end it. (Side note, darlings, if you're reading this and the first person you think of is your current significant, this might be a sign to end it. Just a thought.)

It's hard to break off these relationships, however, unhealthy they are. During our heartbreaks, we can't imagine anything hurting worse than the pain we are experiencing right then. But there is something that hurts far worse than any pain a boy or significant other of any kind could put us through.

We've all had to do it, break up with a friend. Whether it was by our own choosing or theirs, it doesn't change the fact that it hurts just as much, if not more, than a break-up with your boyfriend, girlfriend, what have you.

When we become friends with people - best friends with people - we never anticipate that friendship coming to an end. Like I said, we're young; we think of ourselves as practically invincible which means our friendships should be virtually indestructible, too. But, like the glorious Tina Fey said in Mean Girls, there have been major girl on girl crimes in friendships today that have really started to bug me.

I have seen way too many of my fellow estrogen carriers get hurt - not because of some boy - and be devastatingly unhinged by their other girlfriends. Why? Because they allow their friends to treat them exactly like the toxic significant others I mentioned at the beginning.


Here are a few warning signs that your supposed "bestie for the restie" is just not for you:

-They don't have your best interest at heart

-They are there for you when it is convenient for them

-They take more than they give

-They put their needs and desires above yours

-They talk badly about you behind your back to other friends

-They always undermine things you're proud of

-They talk down to you to make themselves feel better

-They get jealous when you hang out with others and don't invite them to do things


If any of your "best friends" treats you that way, maybe it's time to find a new best friend.

Let me ask you another question: If you would not allow a boyfriend to treat you that way, why would you allow your friend to do it?

Think about it, it is exactly the same thing. It is a person who claims to care about you through thick and thin judging you, making you feel down about yourself, and betraying your trust. Who wants someone like that in their life?

Just like with a love relationship, you need a friendship that is mutually beneficial. Why? Because you deserve it. If being in any kind of relationship with someone causes you more tears and more heartache than smiles and laughter, then, according to logic, it is not a good relationship for you to be in. Just because we have dubbed them with the coveted title of "best friend" does not give them a free pass to treat you poorly. They don't get to decide who you hang out with, they don't get to decide what you do all the time, they don't get to determine the tone of your relationship. A friendship is an equal partnership, just like a relationship.

Again, this is one of the harder things we will have to do in our lives. But it is important to recognize and handle it before it gets out of hand. This means actually communicating with your friend to let them know their behavior bothers you. If they are truly your best friend, they will see the error of their ways, and hopefully apologize profusely so you can move on. However, if this is a repeated incident in which you are treated any of the ways I listed above more than once after you've told them it hurts you, then you need to move on. It is okay to break up with your friend for your best interest.

I'll say it again for the ladies in the back:

You need to move on!

Just like there are more fish in the sea for you to love and hold, there are plenty of other fine young ladies out there who will be a true friend to you. Take it from me, someone who has been there and done that long ago and seen many of her friends go through it as well: you will find people who will be the true definition of a friend to you. Maybe it's in high school, maybe it's in college. Maybe you found that one good friend in kindergarten. My hope for all you gals is that you find someone who is willing to stick their neck out for you just like you would for them.

Cover Image Credit: destinationfemme.com

Popular Right Now

The Thank You My Dad Deserves

While our moms are always the heroes, our dads deserve some credit, too.
407085
views

Dear Dad,

You’ve gone a really long time without being thanked. I'm not talking about thanks for things like opening the Gatorade bottle I couldn't or checking my tires when my car’s maintenance light is flashing, but rather the thanks I owe you for shaping me into the person I am today.

Thank you for teaching me what I deserve and for not letting me settle for anything less.

While the whole world was telling me I wasn’t good enough, you were there to tell me I was. Whether this was with boys, a friend, or anything else, you always built my confidence to a place I couldn’t build it to on my own. You showed me what my great qualities were and helped me feel unique. But most of all, you never let me settle for anything less than what I deserved, even when I wanted to. Without you, I wouldn’t be nearly as ambitious, outgoing or strong.

Thank you for giving me someone to make proud.

It’s hard to work hard when it’s just for myself, but so easy when it’s for you. All through school, nothing made me happier than getting a good grade back because I knew I got to come home and tell you. With everything I do, you give me a purpose.

SEE ALSO: 20 Things You Say When Calling Your Dad On The Phone

Thank you for showing me what selflessness looks like.

You are the prime example of what putting your family first looks like. If me wanting something means that you can’t get what you want, you’ll always sacrifice. From wearing the same t-shirts you’ve had since I was in elementary school so I could buy the new clothes I wanted, to not going out with your friends so you could come to my shows, you never made a decision without your family at the forefront of your mind. If there is one quality you have that I look up to you for the most, it’s your ability to completely put your needs aside and focus entirely on the wants of others.

Thank you for being the voice in the back of my head that shows me wrong from right.

Even though many of your dad-isms like “always wear a seatbelt” easily get old, whenever I’m in a situation and can’t decide if what I’m doing is right or wrong, I always can hear you in the back of my head pointing me in the right direction. While I may not boost your ego often enough by telling you you’re always right, you are.

Thank you for being real with me when nobody else will.

Being your child hasn’t always been full of happiness and encouragement, but that’s what makes you such an integral part of my life. Rather than sugarcoating things and always telling me I was the perfect child, you called me out when I was wrong. But what separates you from other dads is that instead of just knocking me down, you helped me improve. You helped me figure out my faults and stood by me every step of the way as I worked to fix them.

Most of all, thank you for showing me what a great man looks like.

I know that marriage may seem very far down the road, but I just want you to know that whoever the guy I marry is, I know he’ll be right because I have an amazing guy to compare him to. I know you’re not perfect (nobody is), but you’ve raised me in a such a way that I couldn’t imagine my kids being raised any differently. Finding a guy with your heart, drive, and generosity will be tough, but I know it will be worth it.


Dad, you’re more than just my parent, but my best friend. You’re there for me like nobody else is and I couldn’t imagine being where I am now without you.

Love you forever,

Your little girl

Cover Image Credit: Caity Callan

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Screw Girl Code And Bro Code, It's Just Human Code

Simply put, if you see someone looking uncomfortable, do something about it.

45
views

Girl code is an unspoken list of rules that girls have to follow in order to be a good friend or even just a good person. They involve relationships, clothes, appearance, confidence, and honesty.

Some main ones include: Don't date your friend's ex. (even if you ask them and they give you permission)

Wait until your friend is in the house before you drive away(It seems like a common courtesy, but you don't know how many people don't do it.)

Don't let your friend go to the bathroom by herself, even if she's just touching up her make-up (You can wait a few minutes to eat your food)


assets.rbl.ms

Bro code is an unspoken list of rules that guys(bros) have to follow in order to be a good friend or even just a good person. They involve relationships, family and romantic, and honesty.

Some main ones include: Bros before hoes unless you're putting a ring on it (sometimes not even then)

You will always be a wingman for your bro (and a good one)

Always offer the last of anything to your bro (even if it's the last piece of your favorite pizza)


assets.rbl.ms

Both Girl code and Bro code have good points, but why isn't there a gender-neutral code? I'm not saying this in defense of the LGBT community, but as a girl who has multiple guy friends as well as multiple girl friends and is not the only one in this position.

Guys say bros before hoes, but in the scenario am I the hoe or a bro? I'm hoping the latter, but I don't know. Wouldn't it be easier if it was mates before dates? There's no confusion and it makes sense for guys and girls and the exception would still be marriage.

I think that the girl code rule of waiting until your friend is inside should apply to both bros and girls. You want to make sure that your friend gets inside safe and that they didn't lose their key or forget their phone in your car. And if you're feeling extra nice, you could walk them to the door or inside, and get yourself a cup of chocolate milk.

A lesser known bro code rule is that if your bro's girl calls and asks where he is or what he's doing, you don't know. I think this should be applied to everyone. If your bro or friend didn't tell their significant other where they are or what they're doing, it's not your responsibility to throw them under the bus. In fact, it's better to just plead the 5th.

Girls have a policy to save any girl from a creepy guy, even if they've never met each other. I think this should be across the whole playing field. People only think of girls as being targets, but guys can be as well. Simply put, if you see someone looking uncomfortable, do something about it.

And finally, one of the most important, tell your bro or girl friend if their significant other is cheating on them. Even if they hate you for it, you did the right thing because it would be worse if they found out you knew and did nothing.

I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with saying girl code to your friend when you ask her to walk with her to the bathroom. I'm not saying when one of your bros is checking out another bros' girlfriend, you shouldn't say bro code. I'm saying that these rules don't just belong to a specific gender, but mankind as a whole.

Related Content

Facebook Comments