When to "Break Up" with Your Fair Weather Friend

When to "Break Up" with Your Fair Weather Friend

It's okay to end a friendship if you aren't being treated fairly.
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Okay, ladies: it's time we had a talk.

For many of us, we can tell when a significant other is not the one for us. They make us feel bad, they tell us what to do, how to dress, where to go; they don't like our other friends, they get jealous way too easy... all of these things are red flags, right? We're young, intelligent women – we know when someone is toxic for us. We recognize the person they make us isn't the person we want to be. So what do we do? We end it. (Side note, darlings, if you're reading this and the first person you think of is your current significant, this might be a sign to end it. Just a thought.)

It's hard to break off these relationships, however, unhealthy they are. During our heartbreaks, we can't imagine anything hurting worse than the pain we are experiencing right then. But there is something that hurts far worse than any pain a boy or significant other of any kind could put us through.

We've all had to do it, break up with a friend. Whether it was by our own choosing or theirs, it doesn't change the fact that it hurts just as much, if not more, than a break-up with your boyfriend, girlfriend, what have you.

When we become friends with people - best friends with people - we never anticipate that friendship coming to an end. Like I said, we're young; we think of ourselves as practically invincible which means our friendships should be virtually indestructible, too. But, like the glorious Tina Fey said in Mean Girls, there have been major girl on girl crimes in friendships today that have really started to bug me.

I have seen way too many of my fellow estrogen carriers get hurt - not because of some boy - and be devastatingly unhinged by their other girlfriends. Why? Because they allow their friends to treat them exactly like the toxic significant others I mentioned at the beginning.


Here are a few warning signs that your supposed "bestie for the restie" is just not for you:

-They don't have your best interest at heart

-They are there for you when it is convenient for them

-They take more than they give

-They put their needs and desires above yours

-They talk badly about you behind your back to other friends

-They always undermine things you're proud of

-They talk down to you to make themselves feel better

-They get jealous when you hang out with others and don't invite them to do things


If any of your "best friends" treats you that way, maybe it's time to find a new best friend.

Let me ask you another question: If you would not allow a boyfriend to treat you that way, why would you allow your friend to do it?

Think about it, it is exactly the same thing. It is a person who claims to care about you through thick and thin judging you, making you feel down about yourself, and betraying your trust. Who wants someone like that in their life?

Just like with a love relationship, you need a friendship that is mutually beneficial. Why? Because you deserve it. If being in any kind of relationship with someone causes you more tears and more heartache than smiles and laughter, then, according to logic, it is not a good relationship for you to be in. Just because we have dubbed them with the coveted title of "best friend" does not give them a free pass to treat you poorly. They don't get to decide who you hang out with, they don't get to decide what you do all the time, they don't get to determine the tone of your relationship. A friendship is an equal partnership, just like a relationship.

Again, this is one of the harder things we will have to do in our lives. But it is important to recognize and handle it before it gets out of hand. This means actually communicating with your friend to let them know their behavior bothers you. If they are truly your best friend, they will see the error of their ways, and hopefully apologize profusely so you can move on. However, if this is a repeated incident in which you are treated any of the ways I listed above more than once after you've told them it hurts you, then you need to move on. It is okay to break up with your friend for your best interest.

I'll say it again for the ladies in the back:

You need to move on!

Just like there are more fish in the sea for you to love and hold, there are plenty of other fine young ladies out there who will be a true friend to you. Take it from me, someone who has been there and done that long ago and seen many of her friends go through it as well: you will find people who will be the true definition of a friend to you. Maybe it's in high school, maybe it's in college. Maybe you found that one good friend in kindergarten. My hope for all you gals is that you find someone who is willing to stick their neck out for you just like you would for them.

Cover Image Credit: destinationfemme.com

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An Open Letter To The Friend Who Became My Sister

Love is thicker than blood.
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Sis,

There are friends. Then, there are best friends.

According to "Grey’s Anatomy’s" Meredith Grey and Cristina Yang, they're your person. The one who, “if I murdered someone, I’d call you to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor.” You’re so much more to me than any of those titles can express.

As I’ve matured throughout the years, I’ve come to the conclusion that good friends with good hearts serve an incredibly important purpose in our lives, going above and beyond what we give them credit and appreciation for.

The family we choose. You’re one of those.

The day we met, I knew that you were going to play an important role in my life. What I had no idea of was that you would join the cast of my life with a starring role.

First, I need to say thank you. Thank you for always coming to my locker to check in before class during high school. Thank you for letting me control the music on road trips. Thank you for sharing your family with me, and addressing my family as if you were born into it.

Thank you for patiently listening to the physical embodiment of a broken record when I complain about the same boy I’ve loved since senior year. Thank you for tagging along on every doctor’s appointment, grocery run, and trip to the post office, just because you know that I hate doing things alone.

Thank you for not thinking twice before dialing when I text you “please call me.” Thank you for never saying no to a coffee date. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for being my better half.

We don't share the same genetic makeup, but after all the sleepovers, heart-to-heart conversations, shopping until our bank accounts cry, and swapping clothes so often that we don’t know what belongs to whom, how could I not consider you family? We have shared some my fondest memories together, and I wouldn’t want them to feature anyone but you.

You’ve been with me on my best days, and loved me on my worst. You know how to make me laugh when all I want to do is crawl into a hole and die.

Picturing sitting in my car with you in the passenger seat makes me long for summer, where we spend three months together doing all of our favorite things. You’ve seen me naked, done my makeup, and warned me before making a poor decision. Being away from you for extended periods of time makes me feel incomplete.

You are a piece of me that I am not quite whole without. You taught me that blood doesn’t make a family; love does.

You know me better than I know myself, which is both amazing and terrifying. You make me realize I’m enough for this world, and that means more to me than I know how to express in the limited words that make up the English language.

You remind me that I am more than my mistakes, and you keep me grounded when I spiral out of control. You’ve helped me carry my burdens along with your own, even when the universe comes down on you full force, way harder than you deserve.

You’re the one I come to for the truth if I think my new dress makes me look fat, and I know you’ll be honest. I trust you with my whole heart. You know the gory details about every boy I’ve ever crushed on, every professor who was an absolute jerk, and every fight I’ve had with my mom.

I wouldn’t make it in this life without someone who already understands and listens to every thought going through my head and each thing I seriously over think, even when you know, though you don’t say, it won’t matter in a week.

With all these affectionate things being said, don’t forget our fights. The few we’ve had were very real. We still don’t see eye to eye on some events of the past, but I never told my mom about it because there was no need to make her choose a side between me and her “second daughter.

We have learned to move forward, because the love we have for each other overwhelmingly outweighs any disagreement we’ve had, and always will.

Through all the tears and laughs, I don’t think that anything the world has to offer could seriously come between us. You go to a different school than me now, and college has rudely gotten in the way of our routine of spending every waking moment together.

Since we met, we’ve grown separately without growing apart. Neither of us are the same person we used to be all those years ago. Even so, we’ve pushed each other to our limits and you’ve given me the courage to keep going and do things that make me happy.

We lean on each other when it’s been a bad day and all we want to do is to snuggle and indulge in whichever show the other is currently watching unceasingly and unabashedly for comfort (it’s the little things). Having you as my co-pilot on this crazy ride called life has been frustrating, exciting, slightly concerning, absolutely insane, and something I don’t know how I would live without, and I don’t intend to find out.

I’ll conclude this letter with a quote from every basic, white girl’s favorite musical, “I don’t know if I’ve been changed for the better, but because I knew you, I have been changed for good.”

Love you forever,

Your sis

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A Letter To The People I Met Freshman Year

To my friends who are now family, thank you.
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To my new family,

I would like to start by saying thank you for making this first year of college better than I could have ever imagined.

Since we just said our goodbyes a little over a week ago, it is time to reflect on these past nine months. Even though I cried for days saying goodbye to you all one by one, these months were filled with so much love and happiness, and for this, I am so grateful.

It is bittersweet because although high school was memorable, college is where we have started to gain the most knowledge, the best friends and the greatest memories of our lives. I believe that college is where it all happens and so far, I have proven myself right. These years will shape the rest of our lives, and that excites me so much.

I was incredibly grateful this year to have met people with such big smiles and even bigger hearts.

I have so much confidence that these relationships we have formed will last a lifetime. It is crazy when you think that we are still so young yet we have practically lived together for these past months, seeing each other every day and experiencing each other from all perspectives; It must be a sign that we are not yet sick of each other. You have made me laugh, cry, smile so hard it hurts, and everything in between.

To my future roommates, I cannot wait to experience the opportunity to live with my best friends.

To my crazy friends, you are truly insane, but I love you and will never stop caring for you.

To the person I least expected to meet, my love; I will never forget you or this incredible freshman year with you.

There is nothing better than finding people that understand your soul and love you for who you are. The people I have met this past year are the most genuine and amazing people I have ever encountered; I never saw this coming. But this eventful year filled with so many experiences was the best surprise I could have asked for.

This is the first step of our adulthood and together we will grow into amazing human beings; we will make mistakes, go through many trials and tribulations, but the most important thing is that we will be by each other's sides.

Not all of it will be hard though, we will make memories that will last a lifetime and even when we are telling them as we get older, we will still smile and be overcome with nostalgia as if they were yesterday. I promise to be there for you all through thick and thin and to always love you and be there for you. I never want these memories with you all to end.

I may be known as the girl who loves way too hard, but frankly, you are all worth it. Thank you, and I am so excited for these next three years and a lifetime with you all.

Cover Image Credit: Abigail Merritt

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