1. The hot professor 

I haven't really had one of these but I think it's secretly (or in my case not so secretly since I'm writing about it on the internet) every girl's dream to have one. Finally, a good enough reason to go to office hours. Seriously, go to office hours though and free tutoring because they're helpful regardless of the hotness of your professor #wisdom.

2. The guy who participates in a massive lecture 

What this shows: confidence. What this also shows: no boundaries. This person usually has a distinct voice so you always know it's him. You admire his courage but question his motives. You wonder if he's a plant and the professor is paying him to be the sole participant. Does he not understand the concept of rhetorical questions? I feel like this is the same person who picks an overly ambitious karaoke song ("Stayin Alive" wound up being a little higher than you remembered didn't it, Jake?)

3. The cute guy who doesn’t notice you at all

Ah unreciprocated crushes (coincidentally the title of my new memoir). I had a cute guy in my class last year and recently ran into him and was like "hey I think I had a class with you" (of course I knew I did because he was the cute guy from my class). He said "no we didn't". There were eleven people in that class. First of all, just play along. Second, this means that I wasn't the cute girl from his class in his mind which feels like a personal attack.

4. The guy who’s name is near yours in the roll call

He might not be that cute but if you have the same last name letter you get to keep all your monogrammed things. Think about that.

5. The blatantly hungover guy

You know this guy thinks he's cool. He's religiously wearing a frat t-shirt and he shows up to class with bags under his eyes on the reg. Multiple bar wristbands line his arm. He doesn't attempt to cover up hickeys. We can't get confirmation on the last time he showered. You overhear him telling a story about how he forgot to close out his tab and now his daddy is going to kill him. You're waiting for the day the teacher adds his mugshot to the powerpoint presentation.

6. The guy in your group project who makes you question your will to live 

I might have to write a whole separate thing about group work because it seems like something the world's shadiest slacker invented but boys who are annoying in group projects are the worst. They're especially the worst if they are the only guy in the group and they don't do anything but think they still run the show because they are a guy. My personal favorite thing they do is interrupt me with a totally new idea never discussed with the group during the live presentation in the middle of me talking about an actually good idea. Also, you're not funny.

7. The guy who never shows up but still shows up 

This might be the most perplexing one. You've read the syllabus and know that everyone loses a full letter grade every time they miss more than two classes. This kid has missed ten, easily. Why is he still coming? For a while you thought something happened to him but then he appears the next week and you're like "does he now have below an F??? Someone should probably tell him right? Or does he know?". I'm so curious about this whole situation. Also what are you doing at 3 o'clock that is more important than this? Are you developing an app that will make millions? Taking phone calls from the President? Maybe I should just leave #3 in the dust and date you! No, likely you're smoking pot and simply forgot to attend which isn't exactly my standards.

8.  The guy that you study with 

I personally haven't experienced this (mostly because I am more of a "due date is the do date" kind of girl) but a lot of my girlfriends have study buddies. Is it just schoolwork? Are you going to have brilliant children together? It's a fine line between the two, really.

9. The guy who carries a briefcase

First of all, what the $%^&!? I can't even with this. There was a guy in my class who carried one of these and thought he was super cool and evolved and instigated a lot of stereotypically "college" enlightening conversations with our professor. He was the kind of kid that actually responds when the professor walks in and asks "how is everyone?". Unless you're nuts you know you mumble good and MAYBE crack a slight smile and get out your pen to take notes like a normal person. But this degenerate had the nerve to like comment on the weather and talk about his girlfriend (as if we believed he had one). I know, that's mean of me to say but let me just mention again that he was CARRYING A BRIEFCASE. EVERY DAY. How am I single and this man child who is carrying a $%^&#*@ briefcase is not alone? Like if he was telling the truth that's it, I quit. If you need me, I'll probably be with #5 because it's honestly the best I can do. And why do you feel the need to debate what these authors thoughts or what they were like? Isn't a general idea good enough for you? These people are majorly dead. We can't call them up and ask them. He was talking about them like he just had tea with them this morning like you knew Shakespeare SO well? You guys hang out and go to the movies together? NO. Because Shakespeare is deader than dead so stop acting like you have his favorite color memorized and are bringing him Starbucks later.

10. The normal guy

Although there were a lot of people I called out on this list, most people are good. Hopefully most of the boys in your classes fall into this category and if not, well maybe it's time to transfer.