What They Don't Tell You About Secondary Infertility
Start writing a post

What They Don't Tell You About Secondary Infertility

"You'll blame yourself, and probably your partner too."

What They Don't Tell You About Secondary Infertility

When you had absolutely no trouble getting pregnant with baby number one, it may come to surprise you that over three million women in the United States alone, suffer with secondary infertility. I am a part of those statistics. Here are a few things they don't explain to you when trying for baby number two and a few of the feelings you may get.

1. No one can tell you why.

Every doctor's visit, every failed fertility pill, and every checkup, no one can really explain to you why you were able to get pregnant within a month with your first child and then take years of trying with your second. You can't fully comprehend why things were so easy the first time around and seem impossible now. It's truly devastating and you may feel like no one cares or is trying to help you; trust me, they are!

2. The pain.

Every single month you convince yourself, this is it. You're finally pregnant. You get the nausea, the sore breasts and the cravings. Even though it's too early to test, every nerve ending feels like it's on fire with excitement. Finally when the time comes and you're ready to test, and you get that huge negative, it's like a slap in the face. I couldn't begin to count how many tests I would take in a day to convince myself that I in fact was not truly pregnant. I also wouldn't be able to tell you how many tears I've shed over this. You can't stop yourself from getting your hopes up no matter how hard you try. Realizing your mind was playing tricks on you and you were never truly pregnant is one of the harshest realities I've had to come to. Sometimes it feels like this is some sick twisted joke the universe is playing on you. You over analyze every single test, I took pictures of mine and filtered them every way imaginable to try and see if maybe the faintest line would show up in a black and white filter. I've held flashlights to the backs of them to see if maybe the lighting just wasn't right enough to see the second line, but ultimately got my periods the next day if not the same day and it's heartbreaking.

3. The confusion and the guilt.

You'll end up blaming yourself, and probably your partner too. I know I did. You won't understand why this is happening to you and no matter how badly you want to stay positive, after so many months of "Not pregnant" showing up on those tests, you can't help but to think 'something is wrong with me' even when the doctor tells you that you are in fact perfectly healthy. I felt hatred; for myself and for my body. There were so many sleepless nights and tears shed because I truly believed my body wasn't good enough. I blamed everything I did, if I didn't eat healthy, that was the reason I wasn't pregnant. It made me feel like I wasn't a good mother to my first daughter. I believed that if I was a better mom then maybe God would bless me with a second child. It's hard to not think this way but when you finally see, maybe you are in fact healthy, you may start to blame your partner. If I am healthy, then obviously he can't be. I blamed everything my husband did, from a cigarette or a sip of wine. Once I stopped blaming myself, then he had to become the source of the pain because there has to be a source! You cannot fathom how there is no one to blame, but trust me, there's no one to blame. This isn't your fault and it isn't your partner's fault

4. The gain.

Having your first child was a breeze and you're so grateful for how easy it was to conceive. After all the pain of secondary infertility, I promise you as soon as those two lines show up on that little test there isn't a feeling like it. You feel like you're on top of the world and everything just seems a little bit sweeter. On January 18th, 2019, I gave birth to a beautiful little girl. She is my absolute pride and joy. Now, on November 3rd, 2020 I'm expecting my second bundle of joy my husband and I tried so desperately to conceive.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

No Sex And Upstate New York

A modern-day reincarnation of Carrie Bradshaw's classic column


Around the age of 12, when I was deciding whether or not to be gay, Satan appeared on my left shoulder. “Ramsssey,” he said with that telltale lisp. “Come over to our side. We have crazy partiessss.” He made a strong case, bouncing up and down on my shoulder with six-pack abs and form-fitting Calvin Kleins. An angel popped up on the other shoulder and was going to warn me about something, but Satan interrupted- “Shut up, you crusty-ass bitch!’ The angel was pretty crusty. She disappeared, and from that moment forward I was gay.

Keep Reading... Show less

To The Classes That Follow

I want you to want to make the most of the years that are prior to Senior year

To The Classes That Follow
Senior Year Is Here And I Am So Not Ready For It

I was you not that long ago. I was once an eager freshman, a searching sophomore, and a know-it-all junior. Now? Now I am a risk taker. Not the type that gets you in trouble with your parents, but the type that changes your future. Senior year is exciting. A lot of awesome things come along with being the top-dog of the school, but you, right now, are building the foundation for the next 4 years that you will spend in high school. I know you've heard it all. "Get involved", "You'll regret not going to prom", "You're going to miss this". As redundant as these seem, they're true. Although I am just at the beginning of my senior year, I am realizing how many lasts I am encountering.

Keep Reading... Show less

The Power Of Prayer Saved My Best Friend's Life

At the end of the day, there is something out there bigger than all of us, and to me, that is the power of prayer.

Julie Derrer

Imagine this:

Keep Reading... Show less

Why Driving Drives Me Crazy

the highways are home


With Halloween quickly approaching, I have been talking to coworkers about what scares us. There are always the obvious things like clowns, spiders, heights, etc. But me? There are a number things I don't like: trusting strangers, being yelled at, being in life or death situations, parallel parking. All of these are included when you get behind the wheel of a car.

Keep Reading... Show less
Baseball Spring Training Is A Blast In Arizona
Patricia Vicente

Nothing gets me more pumped up than the nice weather and the sights and sounds of the baseball season quickly approaching.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments