8 Red Flags To Look For In Dating

8 Red Flags To Look For In Dating

Ignoring the signs is a good way to end up at the wrong destination.

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First dates are hard, and finding good guys to go on dates are hard, especially in college when a lot of guys don't want anything serious. Here are some red flags that I have noticed when going on dates with guys, so you can spot the losers from the winners before the second date.

1. He takes forever to respond.

If guys are interested, they will most likely let you know. Guys usually don't play games when they are interested in someone because they usually go after what they want. If a guy you are interested in isn't texting you back (a.k.a. ghosting you) or taking forever to respond, he most likely is not interested. The exception to this is if the guy is busy, but most people look at their phones more times than every 13 hours, and so answering one text shouldn't take him that long.

2. He doesn't make any effort when planning things.

If he keeps expecting you to make plans, and not making any effort, then this is an indication that he doesn't care enough about you to try to make sure you have a good date. Also, if he only wants to "Netflix and chill", he is most likely not boyfriend material.

3. The conversation is going nowhere.

If the conversation is boring and he doesn't ever have anything to talk about, he is either one, a very boring person and would be very boring to date or two, doesn't have the social skills to hold a conversation or three, you both do not have anything in common. Both of which are big red flags. You don't want to be in a relationship that is one-sided because that's boring. Can we get a yawn please?

4. He is being a Sad BoyTM.

Part of a relationship is sharing important details about your past, so you can better understand each other. However, if he is constantly telling you sad stories about himself, it might just mean that he wants attention and sympathy. Negative people are exhausting to be around because they bring you down with their negative behavior. This is a red flag because you want to be someone that is fun and makes you happy when you are around them, not someone who is moody all the time.

5. He is being mean.

THIS IS A BIG RED FLAG!! I don't care if he says "just kidding" or "no offense." If he is being a jerk, don't talk to him. Humor is not an excuse to be mean, and there are plenty of ways to be funny without putting other people down.

6. He talks about his exes.

A big red flag is when a guy will not stop talking about his ex. This either means that he has a lot of anger that he hasn't gotten over yet, and needs to mature and forgive people, or it means that he isn't over his ex. Either scenario is not a good one.

7. He brags or talks about himself A LOT.

Bragging is annoying for anyone to do. If a guy feels the need to brag or talk himself up a lot, then he most likely is very insecure about himself and feels the need to prove himself to everyone else. This is not the greatest quality to have, and it may lead to him putting you down. Not cool.

8. He is controlling or pushy.

Guys who won't respect your wishes and boundaries are a no-go end of story.

A good guy will be respectful of you, your time, and won't play any games. He will listen, ask questions about yourself, and think about you first. Yes, dating is hard, but you will find the right person, don't worry. Just try to get through these terrible first dates, and then you will find the gold one day.

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Dear 'Straight Pride,' Check Your Privilege: It's HOMO-Sapiens, Not HETERO-Sapiens

Don't be upset, you are more than welcome to enjoy your straight-ness, just as much as you have to tolerate our non-straight-ness.

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Disclaimer: This letter contains sarcasm and unfiltered honesty.

Pride month is one of the BEST MONTHS OUT THERE. Four weeks of rainbows, glitter, and good old fashioned love... except for Boston. Apparently, Boston is holding a Straight Pride Parade planned for August 31st to celebrate... well, I'm not quite sure what would be celebrated. Sexual confusion? A false sense of Christianity? The delicate structure that is "no homo?"

Honestly, I feel like its a huge waste of city funds. So, I figured I should highlight some important details about gay pride.

In June 1969, police raided the Stonewall Inn, a gay club in New York City on the basis that being gay wasn't OK. That's it. The raid caused a riot among LGBT+ patrons and neighbors as police brutally threw patrons and employees out of the club. This event was followed by six days of protests and violent clashes, lead by a group of Drag Queens, including Black American Drag Queens. This was the catalyst for the gay rights movement.

Since then, gay rights have made so much progression such as Same-Sex Marriage legalized in the US in 2015, to same-sex couples, and LGBTQ+ roles shown on television.

Dear Straight people,

The entire point of pride is to celebrate a group of people who are ostracized IN SOCIETY. People who have to FIGHT for the right to love, the right to be represented, and the right to be accepted by their friends, family, work colleagues, their place of worship and the rest of the world!

It's all well and good to want to celebrate yourself for your culture and traditions (google search: family holidays), or your own accomplishments during your life (google search: Applebee's). Celebrating sexuality is much more personal because it's still not accepted in most regions or religions of the world.

Don't be upset, you are more than welcome to enjoy your straight-ness, just as much as you have to tolerate our non-straight-ness. You don't have to believe in a same-sex marriage, the same way I don't believe that religion is your sole reason to ostracize, bully, torment and dehumanize a group of innocent people who don't conform. Gay, lesbian, transgender, asexual, bisexual, the victims of the pulse shooting, ALL THESE PEOPLE HAVE HEARTS, TOO.

If at the end of this article, you still care to make an argument, I'd like to ask you some questions.

Have you ever been fired because you are straight?

Have you ever been bullied, assaulted, attacked, or banned from using the bathroom because you are straight?

Has anyone from your family ever stopped talking to you or stopped loving you because of your sexuality?

Have you ever been afraid to be yourself?

Has your church (or any form of safety zone) ever told you that you would burn in hell based on your sexuality?

Let me know.

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The Sad Reality Of Losing My Best Friend

I had been your friend. I wish you stayed mine.

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When I think of you, I think of blue flannels and acoustic guitar strings, the smell of cigarettes and metal, the first day of August, long study sessions, the seventies, roses, earl grey tea, greek yogurt, waking early and sleeping late, the view on top of the Blue Ridge Mountains, black coffee, callouses, long walks by yourself at the first hour of dawn, parking tickets, the smell after it rains, Bach's Cello Suite, Polaroid photos, the indifference in your voice the last time we spoke.

My first two years of college were charted by the hours I spent studying and taking long drives with you. I was in a new city, a new apartment, and no one to talk to. There was such peace and excitement in the days we spent together that I wanted to trust, and forgot I trusted, that we would always be friends. When even that changed, I needed a routine to anchor myself to this strange life. In the morning, I'd wake up early to go to the gym, walk along Lake Herrick, or get breakfast at Panera Bread. After class, I'd stay on campus and get my homework done where there are no distractions and the campus scene to remind me I was here to get good grades. If I wasn't doing school work, I was reading in the Founder's Garden. If I started to feel sad, I'd write how I felt in my journal. Writing helps because it makes me feel soothed by what I wrote, even though there's nothing to feel soothed by, much less my own words. At the end of the day, I'd write down why that day was a good one: I got out of bed, I attended class, I emailed my advisor, I finished one chapter, I learned something new online, I went to a coffee shop or a public outing, each movement was good movement. I also wrote down my plans for the next day: take a long walk along the Beltline in Atlanta, read at that coffee shop down the street I'd never been to, go to the museum, buy tickets to that concert, learn how to paint, ask a classmate out to lunch, sign up for that yoga class, visit other places I found on the top 10 places to visit in Athens on The Odyssey. Not every day had to be productive, some days I genuinely wanted to lie in bed and watch Netflix.

Deleting social media was crucial. I wasn't trying to show anyone that I was better. I wasn't trying to be better at all. in Mark Manson's The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, "The desire for a more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one's negative experience is itself a positive experience." When I went off the grid, I accepted the fact that I was lonely, and I accept this loneliness because with it comes the ability to learn to not depend on others for fun, the experience of dealing with sadness and hurt, and being my own therapist. I had been your friend. I wish you stayed mine, but I will be okay that you didn't.

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