With the new year comes the chance to start over, to start fresh, and to become a new you. Now is your chance to take what you have learned the previous year to your best ability and to know what mistakes not to make this year. One thing I have learned this past year and recently is that no one is worth your own happiness or success. If there are people in your life who are negative, selfish, toxic, bring you down, or don't help you become a better person, they need to be removed. I know it can be hard, especially since a lot of the time you may not see them for what they are. They could be an acquaintance, a close friend, a best friend, a family member, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a bae... You may love them and they can say that they love and care about you, but actions speak much louder than words. Here are some actions that are telltale signs that this person is toxic and needs to be removed in 2017:
1. They're always trying to compete with you.
People can say they're happy for you and that they'll support you no matter what, but have you ever noticed that certain people will always try to one-up you? No matter what the subject is, whenever you're happy about an achievement, they always throw in what they personally have achieved. It's great to be supportive of each other and some friendly competition can be beneficial, but they should allow you your time to shine.
2. They make you feel guilty.
Someone who cares about you will genuinely be happy for you in whatever you're doing and won't try to bring you down by making you feel bad. If you're happy, they should be glad and not try to make you feel guilty for being more successful than they are. They are their own person and it is not your responsibility to make their life perfect or to spend all of your time with them. It is OK to have your own life separate from them, and you should not feel like all of the weight is on you. Do not feel like it is your fault for their hardships or for them being unsatisfied with aspects of their life.
3. They do not value your feelings.
Do not listen to anyone who tries to downplay how you feel or tells you that you're wrong for feeling how you do. Everyone is different, they are not in your shoes, and they have no right to tell you how you should or shouldn't think or feel. If you open up to them and share your emotions about something and all they do is shrug it off, that shows that they don't care to take the time to listen and empathize with you. Someone who is a beneficial part of your life will accept how you're feeling and help you in any way that they can, rather than make you feel stupid.
4. They always have an excuse.
If they always have an excuse for things, that's a red flag that they honestly just don't care enough to put in effort. If they continuously can't do something that you asked of them, can never hang out with you, can't meet you halfway... after a point it's not the fact that they can't, it's just that it's not that important to them. People will make time for things that they want. If they can't find time for you, I'm sorry, but they just don't want to. If they can never text or call you back and you're constantly having to double text, just stop. It's 2017, everyone is almost always on their phone. Chances are they saw your message and just didn't care to respond or even read it.
5. They have double standards.
If it's OK for them to do certain things, but they freak out when you do them, they're toxic. They're selfish and most likely insecure and aren't mature enough to understand that being a hypocrite isn't a good thing. Like Gnash says, "If I pulled a you on you, you wouldn't like that shit", is completely right. They should hold the both of you to the same standards and hold themselves accountable for whatever they do. They should also be able to admit when they have done wrong and be able to sincerely apologize for whatever it is. If their apology isn't sincere or they repeat their negative actions, they don't care. Definitely toxic.
If you realize that someone in your life fits these descriptions, I would highly suggest that you sit down and seriously think about just how much they are benefiting your life. If they make you feel bad and tear you down more often than they bring you up, it may be a good choice to eliminate or decrease their involvement in your life. Negative relationships aren't cool, and one sided relationships aren't fun. This year, make it one of your resolutions to be happier in 2017 than you were in 2016. You can start this by removing the toxins and opening up room in your life for positive people who will genuinely care and help you become your best, happiest, most loved self.
