I don’t know about you and your life, but, for me, being an adult is depressing as fug. Like, me and adulting is no bueno. Literally, this is my reaction to life.

Sure, as an adult I have more options and opportunities. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want! Well, kind of sort of.

And adulthood, my friends, comes with challenges and a very personal, dark oblivion. Okay, so I’m a little dramatic. But, if you hate your job (or hate the tediousness and repetitiveness of your job), struggle to pay your bills or help support others, never have time to do anything, have difficulty with relationships, and genuinely feel like you’re missing a certain spark in your life, then hop aboard this train because you’re not alone.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how I can get that spark back—that limitless positivity and carefree attitude that use to radiate off me like blinding summer sunlight. However, that spark seems unattainable now. The only time I remember having that spark was when I was a child.

I get it. I've got to deal with being an adult. I’m fine with that. However, it won’t stop me from reminiscing about my childhood. So, here it is. A super basic list of the top five things I miss about being a kid.

1. The World was Full of Light

This is unquestionably and undeniably my number one. I wasn’t entirely sheltered as a child, but I was lucky enough to have caring and protective parents. They tried to keep me away from the world’s evils. Of course, there was only so much they could do. Eventually, the darkness they didn’t want me to see or experience as a kid greeted me. Despite that, I still never fully comprehended my surroundings. One minute I’d be upset or throw a temper tantrum, then seconds later I’d forget about what happened. I was in my own little world, playing with my favorite toys or outside exploring nature. Even watching the news as a kid, the only thing I remember is the weather forecast. Obviously, my parents had something to do with that (thanks for monitoring my TV intake, parentals)!

Truly, though. I didn’t know war existed or why. I didn’t realize people across the world suffered from famine and disease. I didn’t know or understand people’s capacity to murder, steal, rape, etc. I knew what I directly experienced in my home and in my neighborhood. Although my experiences growing up weren’t perfect, I was blessed to NOT know a lot of things. I was free from a lot of evils, and that’s something I miss, dearly.

2. Everything was Exciting

Honestly, I use to be Sailor Moon excited!

Now, I’m Snape stressed!

I was enthusiastic about everything as a child. Going on trips, going out to eat, going to the store, etc. Just experiencing everyday life was a new and exciting adventure that I endeavored with charisma. Now, as an adult, the things I use to perceive as cool and out-of-this-world are completely mundane. Although I love going on small trips or going to the movies, it doesn’t have the same effect on me like it did when I was a kid. I’m so use to those things. It has lost its magic. However, I’m not unappreciative of doing certain things. It’s just old. I feel there are more important things in life now. Maybe I’m more excited about adult-like things, but not as excited as I once was. Still, it’d be nice to see the world through child-like eyes again. I want that magic back.

3. Friendships were Easy-Peasy

It’s true. It was SO much easier socializing and making friends as a kid. I didn’t really have insecurities, nor did I have a good or bad perception of myself. Therefore, I wasn’t held back by negative thoughts. I didn’t care what other people thought about me. I just wanted to talk to as many kids as possible and make friends. All I had to do was run up to someone at recess and be like, “Hey! Want to be friends?” Abracadabra! I had an immediate best friend. I was honest and open. There was really nothing to fight about because nobody had developed values or opinions yet. If there was ever a conflict, it was immediately squashed because it was trivial. It’s not like that anymore. It’s far from that. Now friendships, or any relationship for that matter, is a fight to begin and maintain.

I’m not sure I want to risk trusting someone with my personal life because I’ve been through betrayal, and it’s not fun. My internal thoughts and feelings are too precious to give away to someone who’s going to be careless with them. I don’t like people with bad intentions. I’ve experienced too much drama, backstabbing and trash talking in the past. I frequently question whether friendship with anyone is worth it. I’ve kind of given up. There are people who appear to be genuine and potentially good friends, but I’m just not sure. Of course, I don’t want to live life friendless or questioning anyone who comes into my life. But, then again, I have a right to. I just wish it didn’t have to be so complicated. Can’t I go back to playgrounds, tag, and pinky promises? It was legit back then.

4. Time Went by Slower Than a Sloth

I swear to the god and goddess, ever since I turned 25 years old, time has rushed by and won’t pause for a second. Where has the time gone? Yesterday, I learned to walk. I got my first bicycle with training wheels, had the worst thirteenth birthday party because of a very selfish cousin, met some of the greatest people and graduated from high school, recorded a cool album with my brother and partied it up in Florida. Now, I’m buckling down and going through college. I’m trying to make something of my life. It’s a surreal dream, and it’s going by way too fast. I’m going through life at the speed of light, but somebody told me it gets much worse after 30. Oh boy, someone throw me a rewind button or build me a time machine!

5. Infinite Energy

Lastly, I miss having enough energy to conquer the world before lunch time. I was a super active kid, then one day I turned 80 years old and stopped moving. I went from doing 10 things at once to doing one task a day. What happened to all my energy? Like, I had so much energy as a kid, and I didn’t even realize I had energy. How does that even work? No wonder my parents always told me to settle down or go outside to play. I was too extra for them. My energy level was, well, on another level. I sometimes try to envision what I could accomplish if I had that energy back for a day. I would use it for the greater good, of course.

I'll forever mourn my childhood, but it's bittersweet. Besides, it will never truly be gone. I’ll always have the memories stored away in my heart and mind. Hey, I can always act like a kid. I can be an adult kid. Besides, I’ll get to experience childhood all over again once I have kids—yes! Until then, I’ll simply keep adulting. But I can’t make any promises!