Ah, being a stay-at-home mom. How much better can it get, right? I mean, you don't have to take showers daily and we all know you really just spend the day watching your favorite Netflix series. You don't have to poop at the office, you can do it all in the comfort of your own bathroom! That bathroom may contain three children, two dogs, and the last of your modesty but who's keeping score anyway? You don't have to drop your kids off crying at daycare and relive the look of devastation on their faces as you walked out the door. Surely, being a stay at home mom is much easier. Let me tell you that this gig isn't all it's cracked up to be. The reality is, we all have struggles regardless of how much greener that grass may look on the other side. Being a stay-at-home mom is filled with tears and learning experiences. There is so much I wish I knew, that I wish I could have prepared for. The things no one tells you; or maybe I just didn't want to hear.
1. It can get pretty lonely.
Don't get me wrong, I love my children. However, when the most compelling conversation you have all day is about how your 4-year-old should wipe her butt, you get a little lonely. There is this really important need we have for adult interaction, and it's something every stay-at-home mom absolutely has to make time for. You need to go out with your friends. You need to take a long shower while blasting your favorite music. You need to have date night with your husband. And it's okay! It's healthy and normal to need space from your children. They may be some pretty cool kids, and I'm sure they fulfill you in many ways. Listen, you don't have to convince me. You love them. Your whole life is devoted to them! But you know what your kids can't do? They can't drink margaritas and sing karaoke with you. They can't binge watch Game of Thrones with you. They can't listen to you vent about how much of an asshole your boss is being. It would be weird and unhealthy if they could, so put your time and effort into other relationships as well. You need it, and you deserve it.
2. You will still feel guilty, but you are enough.
It's funny to me how when I worked full-time I also felt guilty, just for different reasons. You feel guilty for leaving them, you feel guilty for missing moments, you feel guilty for being so damn tired by the end of the day. You feel that will all go away if you could just be home! I hate to be the one to say this (okay not really), but you will still have guilt. You will have guilt when you snap and raise your voice because you really did ask your 2-year-old to get his shoes on seven times. You'll feel guilty when your house is a mess because what did you do all day anyway? You will feel guilty when you just don't have it in you to get the paint out even though you promised we could paint the Elsa piggy bank today because some spawn of satan thought paintable piggy banks for kids was a great idea! You. Will. Have. Guilt. And guess what? It's okay! It's normal. We all do it, we all beat ourselves up and we all have moments where we think we aren't good enough for our kids. The good news is, if you feel that concern then you already are enough. And I'm not really sure how our parents held up the charade so long but trust me, none of us know what the hell we are doing.
3. It will be an adjustment.
It will be one of the biggest adjustments of your life, actually. Again, this is okay and totally normal! Starting to feel better, huh? You and your significant other will fight. He will not get it. He just won't. You will get lonely. You will feel guilty. This dream will slap you in the face with the reality that it is. It is hard work! You have the responsibility of raising tiny people that ideally will grow into kind, responsible adults and that's a lot of pressure. To be clear, I really only shot for mediocracy in my own life. Now I'm shooting for the stars for these little humans of mine and man, talk about pressure. Not to mention, there is literally an endless amount of laundry to be done. I'm half convinced that being a stay-at-home mom is really just an endless cycle of giving baths and doing laundry. I'm still collecting data on this. The point is, this is a huge change. Give yourself time. Be patient with yourself. Probably try to give your husband some patience as well, but take care of you first sister. Have you ever heard the saying, "You can't pour from an empty cup?" You can't. I promise.
4. It will all be worth it.
Okay, so you might fight with your husband more often at first and you might have an audience every time you poop, but you do get to have a ton of fun with your kids in the meantime. Even when you don't have it in you, even when you look like a bum, they will love you for it anyway. It is true that you definitely don't have to get dressed or shower daily, and you won't. You may be going on day four, but your secret is safe with me. You will have time to make dinner (most days) and you might even have time to get on Pinterest for some recipes! Pinterest is amazing and totally worth getting amped about. Salad tastes exponentially better out of a mason jar, I don't care what anyone says. Being a stay-at-home mom is amazing, through all the hard work and tears and laughter, I wouldn't have it any other way. It has its struggles and its perks, like anything in life. It is absolutely, undoubtedly worth it. Enjoy it. You aren't going to screw up your kids (too much), you will get through the weird transition period, you will have time for yourself and your spouse, and you will make the best damn mason jar salad anyone has ever had. You got this momma! We are all just doing our best, and I believe in you.
