Look, I'm not a single girl who is spiteful of everyone's Valentines' Day happiness. What I am, however, is sick of all the theatrics involved with it. You don't need to show off every year and be all "look at how GREAT my boyfriend is even though he cheats on me!" (yes that one IS personal). Here are 21 things I'd rather do than see another V-day post ever again.
1. Eat cat poop.
2. Never take a big enough breath before jumping in a pool.
3. Step on a lego.
4. Smell Axe Phoenix again.
5. Step on hot coals.
6. Never move away from the smoke at a bonfire.
7. Never eat anything but Cranberry Sauce at Thanksgiving dinner.
8. Get hit by a bus.
9. Then, get hit by a train.
10. Watch the Patriots win every Superbowl for the rest of my life.
11. Have to listen to only Beyonce for the rest of my life.
12. Never pass another class.
13. Have all of my professors call on in me every class.
14. Be 10 minutes late to every class.
15. Forget about every exam I have.
16. Have my car never start again.
17. Look for my keys for the rest of my life, never to find them.
18. Swallow every pill I have to take for the rest of my life, dry.
19. Always have slightly greasy hair.
20. Smear my mascara all over my face.
21. And finally, spill a bottle of expensive foundation all over my white carpet.
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