They say you can take the girl out of the North, but you can't take the North out of the girl. Actually, I don't know if that's what they say, but that's what I say...so it's whatever. “Y’all”, there’s something I have to get off my chest—I hate using the word “y’all”. I'm not “fixin” to do anything, and for God’s sake, not every soda beverage is a Coke. Besides these few, I’m here to state 15 of my biggest struggles being a Buffalo girl in Alabama.
1. First of all, Southern hospitality is a b*tch. I am, and always will be, suspicious of your all-too-welcoming behavior.
To the cashier at the grocery store, all we need to talk about is whether I want paper or plastic; you don't need to know my whole life story. Secondly, I appreciate the sudden interest you've taken in my life, but I've known you for 10 minutes, not 10 years.
2. Secondly, “y’all” is not a substitute for “yous."
I don't understand you and I never will, really.
3. I will never get used to calling them “Buffalo wings."
For Christ’s sake, they are just wings. Also, I want a bucket with my pizza. I said that right, Dominoes, a bucket; “y’all” are slackin’ on the pizza game.
4. What is this Sir and Ma’am B.S.?
People have names you know, like Mrs.This or Mr.That.
5. Hot Sauce and chips, salt & vinegar with fries, and one beer with a shot.
Southerners, don't ask... just accept.
6. I don't care who you are, I will take off my shoes at your house.
It’s respect and I was raised with such.
7. I have a sailor's mouth… get the h-e-double-hockey-sticks over it, Mrs. Perfect.
Notice how I said “Mrs. Perfect” and not “ma’am”? I mean, would you just look at that!
8. There is no Timmy Ho’s.
If you slip up and ask for a double-double with a peanut crunch, people look at you like you're from another planet.
9. Same for Mighty Taco; and no, Taco Bell is not a substitute.
It sucks when it's 12 at night and I can't get my super mighty with a nacho deluxe. It's a downright crime.
10. I'll never get used to the fact that the entire city shuts down over, literally, an inch of snow.
Bruh, if it's under three feet, there isn't anything to worry about.
11. Fish Frys at Nickel Creek.
12. Loganberry.
I mean, for God’s sake, no one knows what that is. When I tried to explain it, I got grape juice as a substitute. I can’t.
13. I miss my Tops Bonus Card and the crazy buy two, get three free deals.
Where is my 20 cents off the gallon, yo? Speaking of gas, it’s pronounced SUN-OH-CO not SUN-AHCAH, just so all my Alabamian friends understand.
14. Sahlen’s isn’t a thing here. Neither is Ace or Costanzo’s bread.
It’s like, how am I still alive?
15. People do not understand or accept my dry and sarcastic humor.
I’m not being rude, and I really did just say that. Most of the time, I end up laughing at my own jokes and people think I'm crazy.
So basically, I’m living somewhere between a pleasant ride up Schitt’s Creek and a real life version of "My Cousin Vinny." All-in-all, the south is one of the most beautifully proper places I’ve ever been. Half of me will always reside here, but Buffalo comes with me; and it'll always be my home/my heart. Alright, that's enough of this feelings bull. I'm going to get a pop, turn on some KISS 98.5, and call it a day.
