It's that time of year: Christmas is here.
Everybody knows there isn't a better time of year. "Hear that sleigh, Santa's on his way: hip, hip hooray for Christmas vacation!" If you were singing that in your head by the third line, then you understand the glory of "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation." Chevy Chase and Beverly D'Angelo blessed us with this film nearly 30 years ago, and with a screenplay by John Hughes, the film is just as funny today. Here are 15 quotes from "Christmas Vacation" that you should be using this holiday season.
1. “Hallelujah! Holy sh*t! Where's the Tylenol?"
When to use it: the holiday season can be stressful, but the key to staying cheery is to fake it until you make it. Use this quote when you need some extra help faking it.
2. “We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f***ing Kaye."
When to use it: when your family is killing your Christmas vibes.
3. Todd: "Hey Griswold. Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big?"
Clark: "Bend over and I'll show you."
When to use it: when family asks you about what you're going to do with your future, how college is going, or if you have a significant other yet.
Or when your neighbor, Todd, is #theworst.
4. “She falls down a well, her eyes go cross. She gets kicked by a mule. They go back. I don't know."
When to use it: any time your family comments on your appearance.
5. “Worse? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We're at the threshold of hell."
When to use it: when it's finals week, and you're watching Christmas movies instead of studying.
6. “Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah."
When to use it: when professors give you 20 million assignments right before break.
7. “Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?"
When to use it: when your uncle starts talking about how Donald Trump should be president at your family's Christmas dinner.
8. “I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and we're all in misery."
When to use it: when your parents won't let you open presents at 6 a.m. because you're an adult now.
9. Ellen: "He's an old man. This may be his last Christmas."
Clark: "If he keeps it up, it will be his last Christmas."
When to use it: when your racist grandpa is being extra racist.
10. “Lotta sap in here! Mmmm... Looks great! Little full, lotta sap."
When to use it: when you regret buying a real Christmas tree, but you'll never tell your significant other they were right and you should have gone with a fake one from Lowe's.
11. “Every time Catherine revved up the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour or so."
When to use it: when you need to deflect because a co-worker asked you to cover their Christmas Eve shift.
12. Audrey: "He worked really hard, Grandma."
Art: "So do washing machines."
When to use it: when someone gives you a homemade present and says it's “the thought that counts."
13. Clark: "Our holidays were always such a mess."
Clark Sr.: "Oh, yeah."
Clark: "How'd you get through it?"
Clark Sr.: "I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels."
When to use it: every day of finals week. And every day of break spent with your family. And every day in general…
14. Ruby Sue: "Rocky bit my thumb. Him's nervous."
Clark: "Nervous or excited?"
Ruby Sue: "Sh*ttin' bricks."
Clark: "You shouldn't use that word."
Ruby Sue: "Sorry. Sh*ttin' rocks."
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When to use it: when your family doesn't appreciate your potty-mouth.
15. “Merry Christmas. Sh*tter was full."
When to use it: All. Year. Long.
Merry Christmas!
