15 "Christmas Vacation" Quotes To Use This Holiday Season

15 "Christmas Vacation" Quotes To Use This Holiday Season

Hip, hip hooray for Christmas vacation!
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It's that time of year: Christmas is here. Everybody knows there isn't a better time of year. "Hear that sleigh, Santa's on his way: hip, hip hooray for Christmas vacation!" If you were singing that in your head by the third line, then you understand the glory of "National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation." Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo blessed us with this film nearly 30 years ago, and with a screenplay by John Hughes, the film is just as funny today. Here are 15 quotes from "Christmas Vacation" that you should be using this holiday season.

1. “Hallelujah! Holy sh*t! Where's the Tylenol?”

When to use it: the holiday season can be stressful, but the key to staying cheery is to fake it until you make it. Use this quote when you need some extra help faking it.



2. “We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f***ing Kaye.”

When to use it: when your family is killing your Christmas vibes.



3. Todd: "Hey Griswold. Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big?"

Clark: "Bend over and I'll show you.

When to use it: when family asks you about what you’re going to do with your future, how college is going, or if you have a significant other yet.
Or when your neighbor, Todd, is #theworst.




4. “She falls down a well, her eyes go cross. She gets kicked by a mule. They go back. I don't know.”

When to use it: any time your family comments on your appearance.



5. “Worse? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We're at the threshold of hell.”

When to use it: when it’s finals week, and you're watching Christmas movies instead of studying.



6. “Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.”

When to use it: when professors give you 20 million assignments right before break.



7. “Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?”

When to use it: when your uncle starts talking about how Donald Trump should be president at your family’s Christmas dinner.



8. “I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and we're all in misery.”

When to use it: when your parents won’t let you open presents at 6 a.m. because you’re an adult now.



9. Ellen: "He's an old man. This may be his last Christmas."

Clark: "If he keeps it up, it will be his last Christmas.

When to use it: when your racist grandpa is being extra racist.



10. “Lotta sap in here! Mmmm... Looks great! Little full, lotta sap.”

When to use it: when you regret buying a real Christmas tree, but you’ll never tell your significant other they were right and you should have gone with a fake one from Lowe's.



11. “Every time Catherine revved up the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour or so.”

When to use it: when you need to deflect because a co-worker asked you to cover their Christmas Eve shift.



12. Audrey: "He worked really hard, Grandma."

Art: "So do washing machines.”

When to use it: when someone gives you a homemade present and says it’s “the thought that counts."



13. Clark: "Our holidays were always such a mess."

Clark Sr.: "Oh, yeah."

Clark: "How'd you get through it?"

Clark Sr.: "I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.”

When to use it: every day of finals week. And every day of break spent with your family. And every day in general…



14. Ruby Sue: "Rocky bit my thumb. Him's nervous."

Clark: "Nervous or excited?"

Ruby Sue: "Sh*ttin' bricks."

Clark: "You shouldn't use that word."

Ruby Sue: "Sorry. Sh*ttin' rocks.


When to use it: when your family doesn’t appreciate your potty-mouth.



15. “Merry Christmas. Sh*tter was full.”

When to use it: All. Year. Long.

Merry Christmas!



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Sorry Not Sorry, My Parents Paid For My Coachella Trip

No haters are going to bring me down.
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This piece is intended to be a satire of an experience at Coachella.

With Coachella officially over, lives can go back to normal and we can all relive Beyonce’s performance online for years to come. Or, if you were like me and actually there, you can replay the experience in your mind for the rest of your life, holding dear to the memories of an epic weekend and a cultural experience like no other on the planet.

And I want to be clear about the Beyonce show: it really was that good.

But with any big event beloved by many, there will always be the haters on the other side. The #nochella’s, the haters of all things ‘Chella fashion. And let me just say this, the flower headbands aren’t cultural appropriation, they’re simply items of clothing used to express the stylistic tendency of a fashion-forward event.

Because yes, the music, and sure, the art, but so much of what Coachella is, really, is about the fashion and what you and your friends are wearing. It's supposed to be fun, not political! Anyway, back to the main point of this.

One of the biggest things people love to hate on about Coachella is the fact that many of the attendees have their tickets bought for them by their parents.

Sorry? It’s not my fault that my parents have enough money to buy their daughter and her friends the gift of going to one of the most amazing melting pots of all things weird and beautiful. It’s not my fault about your life, and it’s none of your business about mine.

All my life, I’ve dealt with people commenting on me, mostly liking, but there are always a few that seem upset about the way I live my life.

One time, I was riding my dolphin out in Turks and Cacaos, (“riding” is the act of holding onto their fin as they swim and you sort of glide next to them. It’s a beautiful, transformative experience between human and animal and I really think, when I looked in my dolphin’s eye, that we made a connection that will last forever) and someone I knew threw shade my way for getting to do it.

Don’t make me be the bad guy.

I felt shame for years after my 16th birthday, where my parents got me an Escalade. People at school made fun of me (especially after I drove into a ditch...oops!) and said I didn’t deserve the things I got in life.

I can think of a lot of people who probably don't deserve the things in life that they get, but you don't hear me hating on them (that's why we vote, people). Well, I’m sick of being made to feel guilty about the luxuries I’m given, because they’ve made me who I am, and I love me.

I’m a good person.

I’m not going to let the Coachella haters bring me down anymore. Did my parents buy my ticket and VIP housing? Yes. Am I sorry about that? Absolutely not.

Sorry, not sorry!

Cover Image Credit: Kaitlin Harasta

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The End Of The Year Itch

The final stretch until summer time.
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It is the almost the most wonderful time of the year: summer vacation! If you’re like me that means an internship and work but getting to stay in your favorite city! Plus living with my best friend!

That also means you are probably experiencing what I call the end of the year itch, it’s that super uncomfortable and irritating transition from school to a summer vacation that drives me absolutely mad.

This is the time right before you take final exams that you truly feel like you might rip all of your hair out if summer doesn’t get here soon! Just me? Probably.

We've arrived at the last stop before break and professors are frisbeeing assignments left and right. The library is no longer a peaceful place but rather a funhouse of chaos hinted with a tense, anxiety-filled atmosphere. Study rooms are long gone and booked so it's every man for himself.

If you live with people this is the time that y'all are starting to drive each other beyond crazy, and are in need of some time apart especially if you plan on living together the following year.

I have lived with 6+ people since my freshman year of college and this has always proven true. Absence does make the heart grow fonder and is the silent glue that holds a friendship together. I love the feeling of being back at school with my friends and hearing all about their summer adventures while also looking forward to the future.

And don't forget the little things you have to take care of like canceling your parking pass for the summer, finding a place to sublease or a subleaser, and all of the packing/unpacking it takes to move out of one place and into another. Whew! There is no greater feeling than the sweet relief of being moved in/out and unpacked.

Then finally the heat wave hits, you don't have to use the words exam or group project for two and half months. That end of the year itch is covered by a suntan and there are nothing but blue skies my friend. You may be busy with other things but hey at least you're not in class, right?

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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