15 "Christmas Vacation" Quotes To Use This Holiday Season

15 "Christmas Vacation" Quotes To Use This Holiday Season

Hip, hip hooray for Christmas vacation!
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It's that time of year: Christmas is here. Everybody knows there isn't a better time of year. "Hear that sleigh, Santa's on his way: hip, hip hooray for Christmas vacation!" If you were singing that in your head by the third line, then you understand the glory of "National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation." Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo blessed us with this film nearly 30 years ago, and with a screenplay by John Hughes, the film is just as funny today. Here are 15 quotes from "Christmas Vacation" that you should be using this holiday season.

1. “Hallelujah! Holy sh*t! Where's the Tylenol?”

When to use it: the holiday season can be stressful, but the key to staying cheery is to fake it until you make it. Use this quote when you need some extra help faking it.



2. “We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f***ing Kaye.”

When to use it: when your family is killing your Christmas vibes.



3. Todd: "Hey Griswold. Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big?"

Clark: "Bend over and I'll show you.

When to use it: when family asks you about what you’re going to do with your future, how college is going, or if you have a significant other yet.
Or when your neighbor, Todd, is #theworst.




4. “She falls down a well, her eyes go cross. She gets kicked by a mule. They go back. I don't know.”

When to use it: any time your family comments on your appearance.



5. “Worse? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We're at the threshold of hell.”

When to use it: when it’s finals week, and you're watching Christmas movies instead of studying.



6. “Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.”

When to use it: when professors give you 20 million assignments right before break.



7. “Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?”

When to use it: when your uncle starts talking about how Donald Trump should be president at your family’s Christmas dinner.



8. “I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and we're all in misery.”

When to use it: when your parents won’t let you open presents at 6 a.m. because you’re an adult now.



9. Ellen: "He's an old man. This may be his last Christmas."

Clark: "If he keeps it up, it will be his last Christmas.

When to use it: when your racist grandpa is being extra racist.



10. “Lotta sap in here! Mmmm... Looks great! Little full, lotta sap.”

When to use it: when you regret buying a real Christmas tree, but you’ll never tell your significant other they were right and you should have gone with a fake one from Lowe's.



11. “Every time Catherine revved up the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour or so.”

When to use it: when you need to deflect because a co-worker asked you to cover their Christmas Eve shift.



12. Audrey: "He worked really hard, Grandma."

Art: "So do washing machines.”

When to use it: when someone gives you a homemade present and says it’s “the thought that counts."



13. Clark: "Our holidays were always such a mess."

Clark Sr.: "Oh, yeah."

Clark: "How'd you get through it?"

Clark Sr.: "I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.”

When to use it: every day of finals week. And every day of break spent with your family. And every day in general…



14. Ruby Sue: "Rocky bit my thumb. Him's nervous."

Clark: "Nervous or excited?"

Ruby Sue: "Sh*ttin' bricks."

Clark: "You shouldn't use that word."

Ruby Sue: "Sorry. Sh*ttin' rocks.


When to use it: when your family doesn’t appreciate your potty-mouth.



15. “Merry Christmas. Sh*tter was full.”

When to use it: All. Year. Long.

Merry Christmas!



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15 Things Only Lake People Will Understand

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.
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The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people. Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look. Every year when summer rolls back around, you can't wait to fire up the boat and get back out there. Here is a list of things you can probably identify with as a fellow lake-goer.

1. A bad day at the lake is still better than a good day not at the lake.

It's your place of escape, where you can leave everything else behind and just enjoy the beautiful summer day. No matter what kind of week you had, being able to come and relax without having to worry about anything else is the best therapy there is. After all, there's nothing better than a day of hanging out in the hot sun, telling old funny stories and listening to your favorite music.

2. You know the best beaches and coves to go to.

Whether you want to just hang out and float or go walk around on a beach, you know the best spots. These often have to be based on the people you're with, given that some "party coves" can get a little too crazy for little kids on board. I still have vivid memories from when I was six that scared me when I saw the things drunk girls would do for beads.

3. You have no patience for the guy who can’t back his trailer into the water right.

When there's a long line of trucks waiting to dump their boats in the water, there's always that one clueless guy who can't get it right, and takes 5 attempts and holds up the line. No one likes that guy. One time my dad got so fed up with a guy who was taking too long that he actually got out of the car and asked this guy if he could just do it for him. So he got into the guy's car, threw it in reverse, and got it backed in on the first try. True story.

4. Doing the friendly wave to every boat you pass.

Similar to the "jeep wave," almost everyone waves to other boats passing by. It's just what you do, and is seen as a normal thing by everyone.

5. The cooler is always packed, mostly with beer.

Alcohol seems to be a big part of the lake experience, but other drinks are squeezed into the room remaining in the cooler for the kids, not to mention the wide assortment of chips and other foods in the snack bag.

6. Giving the idiot who goes 30 in a "No Wake

Zone" a piece of your mind.

There's nothing worse than floating in the water, all settled in and minding your business, when some idiot barrels through. Now your anchor is loose, and you're left jostled by the waves when it was nice and perfectly still before. This annoyance is typically answered by someone yelling some choice words to them that are probably accompanied by a middle finger in the air.

7. You have no problem with peeing in the water.

It's the lake, and some social expectations are a little different here, if not lowered quite a bit. When you have to go, you just go, and it's no big deal to anyone because they do it too.

8. You know the frustration of getting your anchor stuck.

The number of anchors you go through as a boat owner is likely a number that can be counted on two hands. Every once in a while, it gets stuck on something on the bottom of the lake, and the only way to fix the problem is to cut the rope, and you have to replace it.

9. Watching in awe at the bigger, better boats that pass by.

If you're the typical lake-goer, you likely might have an average sized boat that you're perfectly happy with. However, that doesn't mean you don't stop and stare at the fast boats that loudly speed by, or at the obnoxiously huge yachts that pass.

10. Knowing any swimsuit that you own with white in it is best left for the pool or the ocean.

You've learned this the hard way, coming back from a day in the water and seeing the flowers on your bathing suit that were once white, are now a nice brownish hue.

11. The momentary fear for your life as you get launched from the tube.

If the driver knows how to give you a good ride, or just wants to specifically throw you off, you know you're done when you're speeding up and heading straight for a big wave. Suddenly you're airborne, knowing you're about to completely wipe out, and you eat pure wake. Then you get back on and do it all again.

12. You're able to go to the restaurants by the water wearing minimal clothing.

One of the many nice things about the life at the lake is that everybody cares about everything a little less. Rolling up to the place wearing only your swimsuit, a cover-up and flip flops, you fit right in. After a long day when you're sunburned, a little buzzed, and hungry, you're served without any hesitation.

13. Having unexpected problems with your boat.

Every once in a while you're hit with technical difficulties, no matter what type of watercraft you have. This is one of the most annoying setbacks when you're looking forward to just having a carefree day on the water, but it's bound to happen. This is just one of the joys that come along with being a boat owner.

14. Having a name for your boat unique to you and your life.

One of the many interesting things that make up the lake culture is the fact that many people name their boats. They can range from basic to funny, but they are unique to each and every owner, and often have interesting and clever meanings behind them.

15. There's no better place you'd rather be in the summer.

Summer is your all-time favorite season, mostly because it's spent at the lake. Whether you're floating in the cool water under the sun, or taking a boat ride as the sun sets, you don't have a care in the world at that moment. The people that don't understand have probably never experienced it, but it's what keeps you coming back every year.


Cover Image Credit: Haley Harvey

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10 Annoying Things That Always Happen In The Summer

Everyone is looking for a way to escape the heat.

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At first, it was too cold (because of global warming (yes, it's real!)), but now it's way too hot. Summer break is fun because it includes fun at the beach, hanging out with friends, and ice-cream, but it also brings along some cons.

1. Power outages happen at least once every week

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When everyone is using their air conditioner at the same time, it ain’t pretty. Power outages entail going back to medieval times with candles and NO AC.

2. Snapchat is filled with stickers showing the temperature

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Please stop posting about the temperature on Snapchat. We get it!! It’s hot!

3. Having to change twice in one day because you outsweated your first outfit

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I don’t know if this is TMI, but body sweat is a big no-no.

4. Getting into your car after it’s been sitting in the sun for a good hour

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If you own a car with black seats, you'll probably need aloe for all those burns on your back thighs.

5. Seeing your utilities bill at the end of month

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Ah, the pitfalls of instant gratification. Air conditioner, you are good but too expensive.

6. The weather is ALWAYS one of the topics of conversation

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Let’s stop this small talk about the weather. Yes, it’s hot, but talking about it won’t change anything!

7. Going to the beach results in sand EVERYWHERE

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Going to the beach is a double-edged sword. You get to play in the sun and have fun, but sand goes EVERYWHERE!!

8. Tan lines are no joke...sock tans, shorts tans, farmers tans, sandals tans

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Tan lines are literally the worst. Currently combating a Birkenstocks tan right now..

9. Insects are literally everywhere

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This is me if any bug comes near me. I know God created these bugs, but please just stay away from me!!

10. The smell of sunscreen hits you like a truck at the beach (or anywhere, for that matter)

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Don’t forget to apply your sunscreen, but remember to spray your sunscreen AWAY from other people. It’s not fun (nor safe) to inhale all that spray on sunscreen.

Summer break is fun and all, but is it really? Is it worth all the sweat, sand, tan lines, and insects?

Cover Image Credit:

https://unsplash.com/photos/_tj8czMkd7Y

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