Philly is a whole different world compared to Long Island. Arriving here for college flipped my world upside down. This left me with 14 questions that desperately needed to be answered.

1. Why are your soft pretzels shaped like that?

Are they meant to look like those paper chain links we all made in art class when we were younger? Either way, I don’t know what you do to those pretzels but they are so delicious. Keep it up, Pennsylvania!

2. Who taught you to say “Ree-cee’s Pee-cees?”

Everyone knows the candy was named after H.B. Reese (not Ree-cee) and pee-cee is definitely not a word.

3. Do you really think Arnold Palmer is just a golfer?

Arnold Palmer is the sweet nectar from the gods if you’re from Long Island. The beautiful concoction of half lemonade, half iced tea, better known as “Half and Half” (no, I’m not talking about the cawfee creamer) is a staple in the Long Islander’s diet.

4. What in the world is a tomato pie?

Don’t even try to tell me that that’s pizza; that is a mortal sin to pizza everywhere. In fact, don’t try to convince me that pizza from Pennsylvania is delicious (looking at you, Tony Roni’s). New York is known for its pizza (and bagels, too!), and there is just nothing like it anywhere else.

5. Also, can we all agree that ranch dressing does not belong on pizza?

I’m sorry your pizza tastes so bad that you have to put ranch dressing on it to make it taste better. This is an injustice; Pennsylvania, you need to start a pizza revolution ASAP.

6. Why do Philly cheesesteaks taste so good?

Philly cheesesteaks are like the pizza and bagels of Long Island, often imitated but never duplicated. If you’re going to school in Pennsylvania, especially in the Philly area, you know just how great a cheesesteak is. Just make sure you’re ready to order correctly! Mention whether you want a cheesesteak “wit or wit’out” (onions) and what type of cheese you want or else you'll just look like a fool.

7. Why do you not know what a "hero" is?

No, I’m not talking about Superman or Captain America. A hero is a beautiful, long sandwich stuffed with deli meats, cheeses, vegetables, etc. You can tell me it’s a “hoagie” or a “sub” all you want, but don’t be telling me it’s wrong to call it a hero.

8. What is with all these people from Jersey?

Sometimes I think I actually go to school in New Jersey because most of the people I meet are from Jersey. Also, what is the obsession with saying you’re from North, Central, or South Jersey or stating which county you’re from? You’re from Jersey, that’s all I need to know before I start drawing my New Yorker assumptions about Jersey people.

9. Why do you hate the word “to” so much that you had to omit it from the phrase “going down the shore?”

I think it would be much easier to say that you’re going to the beach. Also I’m very sorry, Pennsylvanians, that you have to travel so far to go to a beach. Luckily, we Long Islanders can travel about 15 minutes in every direction and hit a beach.

10. What is a Wawa?

When I first arrived at college, everyone loved to talk about their favorite food to buy at Wawa. Is it a restaurant? Is it a gas station? How can food from a gas station actually taste good?

11. When did you change Italian ice to “wooder ice?"

It’s an Italian ice, plain and simple. Yes, there is a difference between water ices and crème ices, but they are not all categorized as water (or as you guys say “wooder”) ices. Rita’s, you are a fine establishment but sadly, you will never be Ralph’s.

12. Why did you not have to take Regents exams?

Consider yourselves extremely lucky, Pennsylvanians (and the rest of America). Having to prolong the school year into those blistering hot summer days just to take difficult final exams that the state, not your teachers, made up was the worst. So much money spent on red Barron’s books!

13. What is the enjoyment you all get out of making me say “coffee” and “hall” over and over again?

I didn’t realize I had an accent until I came to school in Pennsylvania. Some people are mesmerized by the way I pronounce certain words and make me repeat them over and over for their enjoyment. I'm not the one that tawks weird, that would be you, Pennsylvanians.

14. Why do you automatically assume I know the Long Island Medium?

Yes, Theresa Caputo and I live in the same town (Go Hicksville! Also known as the home of Billy Joel, not hicks), but we are not on the acquaintance level. I have seen Theresa around town and driven past her house multiple times, but she has yet to pick up on whatever spirits are lurking in my presence.