Let's pretend that the deals this year are actually going to be worth missing a whole night's sleep for. The chance of being stampeded, passing out from a heat stroke, and actually fighting another human during the holiday season for a material item has to be worth it in the long run, right? Mentally prepare yourself now everyone, you know what day I'm talking about. Black Friday, and it's lurking.
1. You tuck yourself into bed early, set your alarm, put your coupons in your wallet and map out your route for all your stores in the morning. Around 4 a.m., you open your burning eyes and say:
2. You stumble downstairs, trip over the dog, and cry to your mom for mercy and motivation for the day that is in front of you:
3. Finally, you get it together, and the world is at your fingertips. The outfit possibilities are endless, the deals are flashing before your eyes and the low sum of money in your bank account is disregarded for the moment:
4. You see your first sale and nicely ask the nearest sale associate which items it applies to. Considering she missed Thanksgiving dinner to answer your questions, she bluntly reminds you that not everything is on sale. You pretend like you aren't phased:
5. You move on to your next store right on schedule, but not everyone around you is a seasoned veteran of Black Friday shopping like you are, and you have no time for people who are walking like they are still in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade:
6. Suddenly, your low blood sugar hits and you drop the cashmere sweater you're holding. You need to get to the food court, now.
7. As you come back for your second wind you realize how many layers you actually wore, and you cannot take it for a second longer. Your face is beet-red. You'll try on a wedding dress if it means getting in a dressing room and being naked for five minutes:
8. What you came for is what you're going to get, but you see someone going after the exact pair of shoes you've been dreaming about since September. Dignity is not of importance now, and you're willing to fight:
9. There's no denying you still want to be able to fit into the kid's designer items for half price, but it just doesn't look as good these days and your friends don't have the heart to tell you. Luckily, all the sales associates do:
10. There's not much left in you, but you can't give up yet. You only have two bags full and you're very disappointed in yourself. You find the nearest couch and try to regroup:
11. The need to feel like this day was a success is pressing harder and harder, so you'll really buy anything at this point. Who cares if you've never gone camping? That tent on the front display in Sears is necessary.
12. By 2pm, you've thrown in the towel. The normal people who got a whole night's sleep are rolling in and staring at you, wondering if you're OK. You've done your part. Until next year. And by that time, you'll have forgotten how painful the whole day was and can't wait to do it again.
Happy shopping, and may the sales ever be in your favor!
