11 People You Meet At Auditions
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11 People You Meet At Auditions

The Talker, the Asker, the Resume Flasher.

11 People You Meet At Auditions

Auditioning is a strange thing that actors have to do in order to stay employed or at least stay semi-employed from time to time. At auditions, there are many actors in the same position who are all vying for the same job. Actors are eccentric, dramatic people by nature and this competitive environment only amplifies these qualities. After auditioning for a while, one begins to recognize patterns in the types of people that can be found in this odd, unique setting. Here are some of the people we all know from auditions:

1. The Talker

Nerves can manifest in strange ways. Sometimes they cause people to talk nonstop. This is true of 'talkers' at auditions. These are the people that are super friendly to everyone and love to chat or even flirt before they audition. While you're trying to focus on your work, The Talker strikes. You like to prepare in solitude, but The Talker has a different method of warming up. You're along for the ride, whether you've asked for it or not!

2. The Hallway Rehearser

You're not sure if this person is "getting into character" or a time-traveling, runaway patient from an old Victorian mental asylum. She sits catatonic with her sides in hand and stares dramatically into the abyss, a single tear trickling down her cheek. After a long dramatic stare, she mouths her lines (thankfully) and you can relax. It's just an actor! She's fine! (Or is she?)

3. That one really attractive person that makes the other attractive people feel inferior

These people are the Barbies of the acting world. You look around the holding room when you arrive and everyone is beautiful, but it doesn't feel particularly threatening...until she walks in. Heads and stomachs turn as this perfectly constructed human being/creature/angel walks by and you wonder when she fell from Heaven or Malibu. The worst is when she also happens to be genuinely nice and a great singer. You want to ask her upfront for a laminated list of flaws just so you can make it through the day feeling like you still have something to contribute to the world.

4. The Hyperactively Nice Person

This person sweeps in out of nowhere and compliments your shoes, but it doesn't feel genuine. She is overly excited to see you even though you've never met before and you find this utterly perplexing. Behind the startled smile plastered dumbly on your face, you mutter to yourself with teeth clenched, "Ahhh, I can't tell if you're real or not... what is happening? Who are you? Someone save me!"

5. The Humble Bragger

“Yeah when I worked with Laura [Osnes], I couldn’t get this one step, it took me like forever and Laura was so, so kind. She really helped me.” This is good work. She’s talking about working with Laura Osnes and low-key being her friend; this statement is diluted with the humbling fact that she had trouble learning choreography. Nicely done! An experienced Humble Braggers artfully places these anecdotes into ordinary conversation. However, a newbie HB feels she might pass out if she doesn't namedrop immediately. For example, actors who are waiting to audition may be chatting about a sale at Capezio when random girl bursting at the seams explodes with, “I worked with Patti Lupone at Lincoln Center” and then pants in recovery. At this point, someone usually holds her hair back and pats her on the shoulder consolingly.

6. The Résumé Flasher

This is akin to “bleeding” in poker. The Résumé Flasher already has a Broadway credit he would love for you to see. While you're sharing a tiny hallway bench, he subtly tilts his headshot/résumé towards you as an invitation to see that "Wicked" First National Tour credit. Résumé Flashers are more common than you might think. While some auditions are relaxed and fun, others can feel like "The Hunger Games."

7. The Acquaintance (Almost)

You know each other but have never spoken. Either you have the same agent, took the same master class, or were in a final callback together for the same role. At this point, you should really just say "hello" to each other but that would mean one of you has to say it first... and it's not going to be you.

8. Your Doppelganger

You are called in for all the same roles and instead of being arch nemeses, you share a mutual laugh when you see each other in acknowledgement of your uncanny resemblance. Other people in the holding room stare at the two of you in disbelief. You know that identical strangers are possible because you have a true stranger twin. A few of my friends have texted me saying “I just saw you at Ripley-Grier Studios!” and I have to explain that it wasn’t me. My Doppelganger and I should just team up and star in a “The Parent Trap” re-remake.

9. The person who knows he has already booked the job

As he leaves the room and fakes a grateful smile at the monitor, his face immediately shifts from modest to smug. When he passes you by, his eyes seem to say:

“Bow down to me, peasants.” Or sometimes, his mouth says it.

10. The Asker

“Did they ask for two contrasting 16 bar cuts or one 32 or the sides or both?”

“Are they like… chill or, like, mean?”

“Which sides did you do first?”

"What was the vibe like in there?"

I get it. Actors do not want to be blindsided in the room. This is totally understandable and we're all guilty of being The Asker. I always feel like it's not worth it to bombard the person who just came out of the room with questions, because your experience might be totally different. It's impossible to analyze or find an algorithm for how auditions work. Each one is going to be different.

11. The Sassy Praise-giver

We all heard the auditionee hit that high D or belt the end of "The Music That Makes Me Dance" from "Funny Girl" or something. The Sassy Praise-giver usually sits waiting by the door listening to the auditions like it’s a free show. He may even lip sync along with pathos. When people leave the room and step into the hallway, he hits them with a “Slay queen” or “yas gurl” or any combination of these words. Other common exclamations of praise include “werk” (with an ‘e’ by the way), “fierce” and “yas diva, you are giving me lyfe right now." Note: 'life' is spelled with a 'y'. Again, these exclamations are spoken, not written, but it's still of vital importance to know the alternate spellings in order to understand the breadth of the compliment.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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