I woke up on a normal Sunday morning, the sunlight peeping through the blinds. Nothing has changed in my surroundings however I could feel something heavy just weighing me down.

I dragged my footsteps to the bathroom and as I looked up to see myself in the mirror, tears suddenly were streaming down my face. I just knew it was going to be a bad day then and there.

I hid in my bathroom for a whole 30 minutes, not having any idea on what to do or how to even begin my day. The thoughts in my mind were so loud and overpowering and I could not push them out. Sometimes people long for some silence, some alone time but for me, all I wanted to be anything but alone as being alone would mean I had to face all this negativity alone.

Even though I hate being alone, I am also scared to take the initiative to seek my friends. They were right in front of me but I dare not show them this side of me. I was, no I still am scared that them seeing this side of me will scare them all away.

This idea of people being scared of me is not an assumption, it was a past scar that never healed. I smile and I pretend that I am fine to the world for I am afraid that someone might harm me once more.

I am hurt, alone, depressed and scared. However, I am also trying to be a better version of myself. For I realized, the moment I manage to change these thoughts was the moment that heavy weight in my chest lifted.

The moment I start changing those thoughts from "I am a failure" to "I am improving for the better", is the moment that hope actually seems to be by my side once more.

At this moment, this change is still a work in progress but hopefully one day I get to live the happily ever after that I always imagined me getting when I was a child.

I hope everyone finds their happiness too.