I don't know about you, but my parents are constantly on my case about studying, wearing my retainer, and not eating past 8:00 p.m. Sometimes telling little white lies to get your parents off your back isn't so bad. Let's face it, it's college—do your parents really have to know everything about you?
1. I didn't go out last night.
Us socialites sometimes feel the urge to go out on a Wednesday night. Bar hopping and frat parties are definitely contagious and our parents will never understand. FOMO is a real thing.
Parent: “I saw a picture of you posted on Facebook last night. Don't you have a test Friday?"
Me: “Oh, that must've been from last weekend."
2. I passed that test.
You have all semester to make up for that one bad grade so what your parents don't know won't kill them. A word to the wise, you should probably study for the next one.
Parent: “How did your test go?"
Me: “It was okay, not too bad."
3. I need money for a textbook.
We know you blew all your money on booze and food so now you're just trying to find a way to get by while you wait for your next allowance. Doesn't matter what point it is in the semester, this cop out will always work.
Parent: “You think money grows on trees."
Me: “Mom, I can't pass the class without that textbook."
4. We're just friends.
Your mom sees multiple pictures of you and your new bae on Facebook and nonstop nags you about who it is, what he's like, and if you're dating. To avoid the conversation all together, result to claiming that you're only friends even if you actually are an item.
Parent: “So who's the boy? He has pretty eyes. Where's he from?"
Me: “You're so annoying—it's nothing."
5. I've never skipped a class.
After a long night out on a Thursday, there's no way you're going to your 8:00AM chem lab—but obviously you would never admit this to your parents. As far as your parents know, attending class is at the top of your priority list.
Parent: “Did you go to all your classes today?"
Me: “Yeah, of course I did." **hasn't left bed yet that day**
6. Everyone failed...
You get one bad grade and you know your parents are gonna freak. The best way to excuse yourself for not studying enough and ease the bad news for doing poorly on a test is to blame the teacher. More often than not, this isn't even a lie.
Parent: “Why do you have a C in English?"
Me: “He doesn't teach us anything, everyone has a C!"
7. Can't talk, I'm in the library.
How many times have your parents called you to small talk and catch up on your life, but you were just not in the mood? Telling them you're studying for a huge exam coming up and that you'll call them later works every time.
Parent: “Hey honey, how are you?"
Me: “Hey I'm good. Studying for a huge test—can I call you back?" **Click 'next' Netflix episode**
8. I promise, I'm eating well-balanced meals three times a day.
Parents are always worried about their child's health when they go off to college due to all the late night eating and limited time to go to the gym.
Parent: “I saw on your debit card that you ordered Papa John's at 2:00 a.m. last night."
Me: “I swear that was a one time thing. I work out and eat fruits and salads everyday!"
9. I'm getting a job.
The reality is our parents are sick of us consistently asking them for money. Showing them you're proactive in the job search may make them less reluctant to hand over a few extra bucks.
Parent: “You really need a job."
Me: “I'm looking. I turned in a resume and spoke to a manager today!"
10. My room is clean, I swear.
First off, why do they even care? They don't have to live in it. The way I keep my room isn't really their business anymore so as long as they believe it's clean, everybody wins.
Parent: "I hope you've been cleaning your room. Remember, you have a roommate."
Me: "Oh, I actually just cleaned it." **is that mold?**
