When Love Isn't Love
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Health and Wellness

When Love Isn't Love

In This Crazy World, One Thing Is Clear: You Are Worth It.

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When Love Isn't Love

**This story was given to me from a friend, with permission to publish as long as she stays anonymous**

“Everyone has disagreements. Every couple argues. Whether it’s over something as basic as deciding where to eat, or as complicated as taking the next step in a relationship. It never feels nice. But you persevere. You kiss and make up and move on in your life.

But sometimes you need to know when a line has been crossed. You need to know when a kiss and flowers just won’t cut it. I’m sure he just wanted to explain himself to me. I’m sure he wanted me to understand things from his perspective.

But he didn’t have to hit me.

He apologized, begged for forgiveness, and I gave it to him. He kissed my forehead, frantically wiped away my tears because I was too shocked to do it myself. “I’m sorry,” he said. “It will never happen again.” And I gave him my forgiveness and, without realizing it, gave him my soul.

Abusers touch your heart and you fell in love and they always say “Love is putting up with someone’s bad qualities because somehow they complete you.” You don’t realize that there is a huge difference between him not putting his dirty clothes in the hamper and him violating your physical being. Weeks pass without incident, I hadn’t spoken of it.

One night he comes home from a hard day and is upset. I tried my best to stay out of his way, but he snapped. I only asked him about his plans the for next day. A simple “I don’t want to talk” would have worked, shaking his head would have gotten the idea across, even walking out of the room would have sufficed.

There was no warning, and nothing but a darkness in his eyes that shook me more than the impact of his hands across my face. You never feel as terrified as you do with his hand on your arm, gripping so hard you can feel the bruise form beneath his clamp of steel. You attempt to pull away in a panic, but he just yanks you back and his hand makes contact again before he just throws you down and walks away. You pull yourself up, lean against the cupboard, and just cry.

An hour later he sits next to you and pulls you into his arms as if the same hands didn’t just betray you a little while ago. The next morning you wake up and reach for your make-up. Soon after, it’s as if it never happened. Your clear-looking face hides a murky truth. The pain of it sinks in and soon the truth is revealed in the tracks of your tears.

But the unbearable pain wasn’t from him striking me. It was from him slowly choking out every last bit of confidence I had. As he laid his hands on my body, all the pride that I worked to build throughout my life was laid to rest.

Everything I thought I had was taken away in one quick move. I felt like I wasn’t worthy. I deserved to be hit because I could be trained like an animal how to love him right. I thought he knew what was best but I didn’t realize that he was wrong.

He. Was. Wrong.

He was wrong about everything he thought of me and everything he made me believe. He was wrong to take something that wasn’t his and destroy it to the point where it took me session after session of therapy just to feel again.

To this day, I wake up from the nightmares that make me think that hell is still real, and in those moments I can’t breathe.

And now I’m speaking you. The victim who may be reading this, and is in the same situation. They can say they care about you, but you deserve someone who shows it in a way that isn’t harmful. My therapist once said “Remember that you are worth someone who loves you for who you are. If they can not do that they are not the one for you.” and she’s right. They can make you think this is all that matters, that this pain is normal, and that it’s the best you’ll find but THEY’RE WRONG.

You are worth love that lifts you up above the clouds, not one that feels like a shackle dragging you down so deep you can’t breathe. You are worth being with someone who builds your confidence, instead of tearing it down brick by brick. Take your soul back. Revive you pride and lay the pain to rest. In this crazy world one thing is clear, you are worth it.”

The woman who told this story is a kind soul. The strength she shows is an inspiration to me, because despite the pain she has gone through she manages to keep fighting for those she cares about, including herself. She has rebuilt her confidence and she holds herself to a high standards. She celebrates her accomplishments, and recognizes where she needs work without tearing herself down. She’s still in therapy which helps and, like everyone, has her breakdown days where it’s hard to handle the weight of what’s happened to her combined with the stress of the average college student.

Despite all of that, she’s working hard for her dreams, and achieving wonderful accomplishments. She is one of my inspirations, and will always be someone I admire. If you find yourself in a similar position, just know you’re going to be okay when you leave the situation. You are worth more than what you think. You are worth happiness, and a love that doesn’t leave a stinging mark on your face or painful words echoing in your mind. In case no one told you recently, you are worth it.

You are not to blame for how this person treats you.

You are not the cause of this behavior.

You deserve to be treated with respect.

You deserve a safe and happy life.

You are not alone, and there is help out there.

For help, look for domestic violence shelters in your area. These shelters can help provide counseling, support groups, and legal help.

You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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