President Donald Trump has announced his new Chief of Staff, the fourth during his administration. In a surprise move, Trump has appointed his own horse, a Russian Trotter named "Long Con", to the position.
Long Con will succeed Reince Priebus, fired after just 190 days, former general John F. Kelly, and Mick Mulvaney. The new Chief of Staff was quick to clarify, through his official Twitter account, that Mulvaney was only ever the "acting" chief of staff which isn't actually a position, "so who cares".
When reporters questioned the decision, White House Communication's Director Sarah Huckabee Sanders snarled smugly at the newsroom before spitting on Jim Acosta and announcing "All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others", a statement she claims the president made up all on his own and anyone who says otherwise is not patriotic.
Long Con's appointment was just one in a flurry of moves from the White House this week. The usual policy outlets (Twitter) have circulated Trump's plan for a trade war against the sea god Neptune. The president has cited a trade deficit in seashells as "just one of many very very good and smart reasons for this long overdue victory for our country".
This piece is a work of satirical fiction.