To the boy I love who sucks a lot right now.
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To The Boy I Love Who Sucks A Lot Right Now

Yes I want to say that I love you with my whole heart, but I kind of don't like who you are at all right now.

To The Boy I Love Who Sucks A Lot Right Now

To the sucky but lovable boy,

I can't even begin to explain to you how much I actually love everything about you. Some things include: your ocean blue eyes that shined every time you looked at me or your dog, your undeniable faith that was shown in everything that you do in your life, the way you used to fall asleep whenever I came over because you were just so comfortable being with me, and lastly I love how you were so passionate and loyal when it came to the things that you loved. My heart bursts every time I hear your voice on a video or if I see a picture of you in your daily life. I love you so much, but I don't know who you are anymore.

The day that you told me you needed time you could literally hear my heart rip in two, but somehow I picked myself up and walked out of your house while you went to your mom and cried because I had gone. Did you know that your mom cried to me too about it all?

Well here we are now. I am still the same blue-eyed, blonde-haired girl that fell for the blue-eyed, brown-haired boy those two years ago. Somehow though, I feel like I'm different at the same time. I mean I've grown in my faith since falling to rock bottom after you let me walk away and I've learned so many things about myself since leaving home and coming to college, but I still am the same. My love for you has only grown and the frustration and anger I held towards you has turned into forgiveness and understanding.

Since you've reached out to me two months ago I've been in a weird limbo. You told me you missed your best friend and the love that I gave. I told you that I still loved you and it would take a long time before I could get over you. Then, you cried and said that you had to go, but you told me that you still dream about me. I don't know what to believe, but I do know that you're lost and you're looking for a life-raft to save you. I asked if you were happy and you never said yes or no, so should that mean something?

To the boy that has broken my heart twice now, I love you more than I did yesterday. However, I love myself more than I did yesterday too and I know that I am completely satisfied in God.

To the boy with the ocean eyes and dog that I named Ruby, I wonder if you think about me more often than you admit and I wonder how many times you've wanted to contact me but convinced yourself not to.

Finally, to the boy that just sucks a lot right now, remember that you will always have a place in my heart and if it's in God's plan for us to meet again then I will see you on the flip side sweet boy.

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