2019 was hands down the hardest year of my life. I had such high highs and such low lows. I was counting down the days to 2020. A new year, and better yet, a new DECADE! This year was going to be such a fresh start. Or so I thought.

December 31st, 2019

I spend the night with my family. I sneak off to my room to write in my journal that I decided to start to keep to document my life during college. "2020 has to be better", I write.

January 2nd, 2020

I watch the news report on the wildfires in Australia. My heart hurts for all those suffering and effected from the fires and all of the animals that are dying. My favorite animal is the koala bear.

8 A.M. January 12th, 2020

The day I leave home to return to college to start the Spring Semester. I cry as my dad and I leave my driveway, waving to my mom and sister. I don't like being away from home and am not looking forward to spending the next seven weeks away from my family.

1 P.M. January 12th, 2020

My dad drops me off at my dorm and hits the road, leaving me to unpack. I get a phone call from my little sister crying. Her childhood best friend passed away. I break down in tears. I cry for sweet Abbey who left this Earth far too early. I cry for her family. I cry for my sister. I cry for all those who knew Abbey and loved her. For the first time in my life, I was all alone and left to process something like this. The guilt I feel for not being able to be with my sister during this hard time. I realize that the only thing in life that matters to me is spending time with my family and just how precious time is.

January 26th, 2020

I am in the doorway of my dorm room on a lazy Sunday about to head to the student union for lunch. I am on Snapchat and see a TMZ headline on one of my friend's story. "KOBE BRYANT DEAD IN HELICOPTER CRASH". I call my father immediately. He can't believe it. I am in shock. Kobe Bryant? No, it can't be true. I make my way to the student union, people are yelling across the big building, "KOBE DIED". Later that night, I break down crying in bed. Another reminder of how precious time is and how badly I want to be with my family and not at college. I have so much guilt for going away to college, even if it is my dream.

February 18th, 2020

I am laying in my twin-sized bed in my dorm room sick. My throat is the sorest it has ever been. I am calling my mom to figure out how to take care of myself for the first time ever. I watch a lot of the news that day and express my concern for Coronavirus coming to the U.S. "If you get it, you get it", my mom says to me, "it will be in our town, I'm sure. There's no way to avoid it, just wash your hands and don't touch your face". I laugh at her saying that the virus would spread to our hometown. Yeah, right.

February 29th, 2020

The first day of my Spring Break and also the day the first death from Coronavirus is reported in the U.S. I watch the story on the first death on the CBS Morning News. I underestimate what the virus really is.

March 11th, 2020

The Wednesday after Spring Break. Colleges are starting to announce they are going to be closing for the semester. I anxiously await the fate of Villanova. I am so beyond homesick. Even though I just spent a week at home, I want to be there more than ever. I am starting to apply as a transfer to other schools. My phone gets an alert and I have the much-awaited email. We are closed for the rest of the semester.

March 13th, 2020

I have to pack up my dorm and leave after my last class. It is bittersweet. Even though I was thinking of transferring closer to home, I feel so sad leaving behind Villanova and all of my friends and my life there. I don't want to go. I decide if I really wanted to transfer and Villanova wasn't for me, I wouldn't feel this way. I can't transfer. Villanova is my home.

May 7th, 2020

The day of my last test of my freshman year. I am a Sophmore! I am finally done with one year of college. I did it.

May 8th, 2020

I see on the news a video of a man named Ahmaud Arbery that was fatally shot while jogging by two white men. I see the video and feel sick to my stomach. I can't believe my eyes. What just happened? How could this have happened?? My heart bleed. I can't believe that the two men weren't arrested. Ahmaud did nothing wrong and two monsters took his life. Black lives matter and things need to change in America.

May 26th, 2020

CBS News reports that there is a case of police brutality that killed a man, George Floyd. I watch the news report and have tears in my eyes. How does this stuff still go on? I am so upset about what happened. George was an innocent man and the four evil policemen abused their power. George Floyd should be alive. Black lives matter. No ifs, ands or buts. Racism in America is real. It is prevalent. There needs to be change. I want to be part of the change. I vow to educate myself on how I can stand with and support the Black Lives Matter movement. This needs to stop.

May 27th, 2020

Protests are starting to form. People from all different walks of life are coming together to protest the police brutality and to envoke change in America. Black Lives Matter. They always have, and they always will.

June 2nd, 2020

I drive downtown in my small little conservative village. I see a group of people holding signs that say "BLACK LIVES MATTER" and "BLM". As I pass, I hear many car horns beeping at the group of people, waving out their windows showing their support and agreement. I frantically do the same. I am proud that this is happening in my town. If I didn't have to go to work, I would join them.

This is, of course, only half of 2020. I don't know what the rest of it looks like but I pray there are better days ahead of us.

#BLM