One year. 365 days. 8,760 hours. 525,600 minutes.
One heartbreak, a couple anxiety attacks, 40 college credit hours, countless sleepless nights, lots of tears and a few life lessons, and I am a completely different person than I was a year ago.
365 days ago I thought that my life was coming to an end. Okay, so maybe that is a bit dramatic. But I had just broken up with the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was heartbroken, lost, confused, anxious about my future and so incredibly hurt. My depression was at an all-time high and I found myself having suicidal thoughts way too often. On top of that, after the break up, I moved back in with my parents in a rush to get out of the apartment my boyfriend and I shared, so my whole life was cramped in a spare bedroom and the anxiety this brought to someone who already had anxiety was unreal. My life was a mess and to make matters worse the next day I would start my junior year of college taking 18 hours–no biggie, right? Balancing the emotional roller coaster I was on along with my full time job and school schedule was proving to be too much for me handle, and no joke the only reason I made it out alive was because of my best friend.
(Shout out to the best friends that save lives by holding hands, letting us cry, being our number one supporters and never giving up on us- we couldn’t do life without you)
Things slowly started to look up and my attitude started to change a little at a time. Don’t get me wrong, there were times where I backtracked a little and sometimes I still do, but for the most part, I’m looking ahead with a smile on my face. It didn’t hit me until recently just how much has changed in the last 365 days, and how much more will change in the next 365 days.
I’m no longer heartbroken. In fact, I’m at peace because now I know I will find true happiness one day. I know that eventually someone will love me, appreciate me, and care for me the way I deserve, but in the mean time I should focus on learning to do those things for myself. I have grown in my career, partnering with my brother to launch a new card game, while also pursuing my life-long dream of working for a non-profit. I also get to write weekly and share it with all of you, hopefully maybe inspiring someone. I am learning how to channel my anxiety, although some days this is more successful than others, but there is effort and that is more than I could say before. I don’t even give my depression that title any more. I just say I am having a “rough day” because that is what it is, one rough day. I don’t think I am any more lost and confused than other 20 year old, so why put any more pressure on myself than I have to?
The point is this: 356 days is a very powerful thing. It can make or break you. But you have the choice on whether it does or not. No matter what you are going through in this moment, I promise you can get through it. Use those around you to lean on or reach out and get help from others if you need to. Maybe you just need to make this next 365 days about you- focusing on school, your health (mentally, physically, or both), to set personal goals and reach them, or start your dream career. What will you do with the next 365 days?
