The inevitable free churro we all get

The Inevitable 'Free Churro'

"My mom died and all I got was this free churro." - Bojack Horseman (Season 5, Episode 6)

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Season five of Bojack Horseman was just released on Netflix and by far was one of the best seasons. Bojack Horseman isn't just a cartoon about a horse from a famous 90's sitcom, it's the dark, comical relief we all need in our lives. Bojack Horseman isn't afraid to open conversations up and brings things to light like--death. It's a topic nobody wants to talk about, but it's an inevitable conversation.

This season, there's an episode titled "Free Churro." Longtime viewers come to discover that Beatrice, Bojack's mother, has passed away. The relationship between Bojack and his mother wasn't the best. Like a lot of things in Bojack's life, it was rather a toxic relationship consisting mostly of mental and verbal abuse. In season four, they gave an insight into Beatrice's life showcasing why she is the person she is; an abusive, cold-hearted woman. Her life wasn't ideal, but it certainly wasn't an excuse for how she mistreated Bojack. I knew her death was a long time coming, but I wasn't expecting it this season.

"Free Churro" is done entirely in a monologue of Bojack delivering his mother's eulogy. Of course, this funeral wouldn't be complete if it wasn't done Bojack Horseman style. He begins his eulogy by telling the attendees how before arriving at his mother's funeral he stopped at a Jack in the Box where the girl behind the counter asked if he was having an awesome day which he replied no due to the death of his mother. This caused the girl to start crying profusely and apologizing to Bojack in the gesture of a free churro. He then proceeds to tell distasteful jokes, "knock [on your casket] once if you're proud of me" followed by Bojack reminiscing about their final moments together, how crappy of a mother she was, and ending with Bojack opening up the casket as his mother's final wishes were to have an open casket only to discover he was in the wrong room for the funeral and had opened the casket of another dead individual.

Throughout this eulogy, Bojack let us know how much he wasted his life in vain to please his mother and even though she's gone, that feeling isn't. Death isn't an easy subject to talk about let alone create an entire episode devoted to it, but it made the conversation a lot easier for me. (It just may be my dark humor, but it made it easier.)

If this episode didn't make you reflect or feel some type of way, you're a cold-hearted liar. It weighed heavily on my heart and made me reflect on the relationships I have with my loved ones. I'd be lying if said I didn't call my parent's after I watched this episode. It's the feeling nobody ever wants to go through. That hard knot in your throat or the uneasiness in your stomach, however you decide to take this episode is up to you.

I for one, believe that the lessons learned here are that some people in your life are always going to be toxic; they don't get better after they die, you shouldn't try to live your life trying to please others, and that the best way to deal with anything too serious is to joke about it––my lifetime mantras.


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I Went To "The Bachelor" Auditions

And here's why you won’t be seeing me on TV.
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It’s finally time to admit my guilty pleasure: I have always been a huge fan of The Bachelor.

I can readily admit that I’ve been a part of Bachelor fantasy leagues, watch parties, solo watching — you name it, I’ve gone the whole nine yards. While I will admit that the show can be incredibly trashy at times, something about it makes me want to watch it that much more. So when I found out that The Bachelor was holding auditions in Houston, I had to investigate.

While I never had the intention of actually auditioning, there was no way I would miss an opportunity to spend some time people watching and check out the filming location of one of my favorite TV shows.

The casting location of The Bachelor, The Downtown Aquarium in Houston, was less than two blocks away from my office. I assumed that I would easily be able to spot the audition line, secretly hoping that the endless line of people would beg the question: what fish could draw THAT big of a crowd?

As I trekked around the tanks full of aquatic creatures in my bright pink dress and heels (feeling somewhat silly for being in such nice clothes in an aquarium and being really proud of myself for somewhat looking the part), I realized that these auditions would be a lot harder to find than I thought.

Finally, I followed the scent of hairspray leading me up the elevator to the third floor of the aquarium.

The doors slid open. I found myself at the end of a large line of 20-something-year-old men and women and I could feel all eyes on me, their next competitor. I watched as one woman pulled out her travel sized hair curler, someone practiced answering interview questions with a companion, and a man (who was definitely a little too old to be the next bachelor) trying out his own pick-up lines on some of the women standing next to him.

I walked to the end of the line (trying to maintain my nonchalant attitude — I don’t want to find love on a TV show). As I looked around, I realized that one woman had not taken her eyes off of me. She batted her fake eyelashes and looked at her friend, mumbling something about the *grumble mumble* “girl in the pink dress.”

I felt a wave of insecurity as I looked down at my body, immediately beginning to recognize the minor flaws in my appearance.

The string hanging off my dress, the bruise on my ankle, the smudge of mascara I was sure I had on the left corner of my eye. I could feel myself begin to sweat. These women were all so gorgeous. Everyone’s hair was perfectly in place, their eyeliner was done flawlessly, and most of them looked like they had just walked off the runway. Obviously, I stuck out like a sore thumb.

I walked over to the couches and sat down. For someone who for the most part spent most of the two hours each Monday night mocking the cast, I was shocked by how much pressure and tension I felt in the room.

A cop, stationed outside the audition room, looked over at me. After a brief explanation that I was just there to watch, he smiled and offered me a tour around the audition space. I watched the lines of beautiful people walk in and out of the space, realizing that each and every one of these contestants to-be was fixated on their own flaws rather than actually worrying about “love.”

Being with all these people, I can see why it’s so easy to get sucked into the fantasy. Reality TV sells because it’s different than real life. And really, what girl wouldn’t like a rose?

Why was I so intimidated by these people? Reality TV is actually the biggest oxymoron. In real life, one person doesn’t get to call all the shots. Every night isn’t going to be in a helicopter looking over the south of France. A real relationship depends on more than the first impression.

The best part of being in a relationship is the reality. The best part about yourself isn’t your high heels. It’s not the perfect dress or the great pick-up lines. It’s being with the person that you can be real with. While I will always be a fan of The Bachelor franchise, this was a nice dose of reality. I think I’ll stick to my cheap sushi dates and getting caught in the rain.

But for anyone who wants to be on The Bachelor, let me just tell you: Your mom was right. There really are a lot of fish in the sea. Or at least at the aquarium.

Cover Image Credit: The Cut

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All The TV Shows Returning This Month!

Check out all the great TV shows returning during May.

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May is here and has brought the return of a ton of great TV shows along with it!

Check out which of your favorite shows are back with new seasons this month and be sure not to miss them!

May 8th: "Lucifer"

Season 4 of "Lucifer" is airing on Netflix.

May 10th: "Easy"

This show about sex, love, and everything in between drops on Netflix on the 10th.

May 10th: "Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D."

This fan favorite returns to ABC on Friday the 10th.

May 10th: "Sneaky Pete"

Season 3 of "Sneaky Pete" is back on Amazon Prime Video.

May 13th: "The Bachelorette"

Hannah B. premieres as the new "Bachelorette" on ABC.

May 17th: "Fleabag"

This criminally underrated series hits Amazon Prime Video on the 17th.

May 23rd: "Elementary"

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Lucy Liu's NYPD drama returns to CBS on May 23rd.

May 23rd: "Vida"

Season 2 of "Vida" is back on STARZ on the 23rd.

May 24th: "She's Gotta Have It"

The second season of this Spike Lee inspired Netflix Original drops on Friday the 24th.

May 28th: "Animal Kingdom"

TNT's smash hit "Animal Kingdom" is back on May 28th.

May 29th: "Archer"

Everyone's favorite animated series returns with a new season on the 29th.

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