It’s happened. Somehow you are always surprised every time

you are chosen to participate in the Hungover Games. It’s not fair. You didn’t ask for this. There is no way you are going to win this fight. But your hangover is the bane of your existence and you have to learn to accept it and fight it to the death.

Status: Winning

The games start off easy, you wake up somewhere (hopefully not in a bush, but most likely in a bush) and you feel like a hot mess version of Beyoncé! Obviously the night went well because you don’t remember anything, you’re still a little tipsy, and your bank account is at a solid $3. Once you find your freshly cracked iPhone (most likely in that bush) you text your friends to hit up IHOP with you because pancakes that’s why.

Just look at your fellow tributes from last night. You may have leaves in your hair from sleeping in a bush but you can easily pass it off as a Coachella trend. Look how rough they look.  Peasants. They aren’t going to make it through their first plate of hashbrowns.

Status: Declining

Your fellow tributes are thoroughly impressed yet slightly annoyed with how perky you are this morning. They don’t understand how it’s possible that you have defeated the aftermath of an alcoholic night. Because you’re the Katniss Everdeen of the bars that’s why. Hell, you can take on the world today; you may even try out this “running outside” thing your athletic friends talk about. You’re friends don’t even….OMG no it’s happening. The walls of IHOP are closing in on your head and most importantly the walls of your throat. Where is the gum-smacking waitress with the H2O from the heavens above? Why does it feel like the world is Sharkeisha-ing your skull WHYYYYY? It’s at that moment you realize…you have officially been selected to join the Hungover Games and there’s no turning back.

Status: Close to Death

Everything is happening so quickly. That beautiful plate of French toast is now a platter of death doomed to send you running for the shame infested stalls in the IHOP bathroom. Your fellow tributes, who earlier wanted you as their ally, are now eyeing your green complexion suspiciously. No, you have to keep your cool. The next 30 minutes is a blur. The French toast you inhaled was projected out of your body in less than 5 minutes, you almost died on the car ride home due to the vomit inducing sound of Pitbull blaring through the radio, and now you are lying facedown on your bedroom floor. Your demon of a roommate drank your only blue Powerade. All hope is loss.

Your life is in the hands of the games. Jack Daniels, Hunch Punch, and Jose Cuervo are the Gamemakers and they’re out for blood. Should you give in and claim defeat or should you make this hangover your b**ch?

Status: Still Alive, but Barely Breathing

In order to win the Hungover Games, you need to diminish the hangover. The hottie from the other district wanted to meet you at the bars tonight, and by damn you’re going to make it out. You chug enough water to dry up the MS River, take the god sent Ibuprofen pill, and set your alarm for a long nap. After missing your alarm and arriving at the bars with your hair still wet from your shower, you defeat the Hungover Games and meet up with your fellow blackout tributes.

You look forward to taking on the Hungover Games tomorrow and know for a fact that the odds will never be in your favor.