Before I share this poem with you, a little bit of a backstory is needed. This was written over two years ago, a time where Skylar was freshly single, and desperately broken inside.
That being said, this poem that I am about to share with you was exactly the headspace I was in two years ago. It is raw, rough, and not romanticized. The capitalization is all in lowercase to represent one thought, a manic flow of speech. I hope you enjoy "The Fisherman"
anxiety anxiety anxiety anxiety
I can't seem to figure it out
anxiety anxiety anxiety anxiety
shut the fuck up no one cares that you can't make it
you made the plans, got the people together, and you bail when people are about to show up
I need a hug, someone to hold me and put me first
putting myself out there for 20 years like a fisherman waiting for a fish to bite, but no luck
sick and tired of people grabbing my hook and dragging me so intensely that my boat flips over
I pray and I don't date and I get all A's in my classes and I ask for a sign and I am still in this skin
what if the ugly parts of me don't change? what if it stays? what if I am a monster?
there has to be a reason why no one has asked me to hang out and I just kinda get included
included and invited are two different things, but you already knew that.
being my own nemesis is so tiring, I am tired of feeling this way
anxiety anxiety anxiety anxiety
This poem is something that I wrote over two years ago, and in no way represents the way I feel now. I realized the best way for me to deal with my anxiety was head on. What I mean by this is that instead of allowing my anxiety to bubble up and consume me, I try to complete something difficult, something I have to work very hard at in order to finish so I can prove to myself that I am in control of my own mind, body, and soul.
I felt the need to share this to maybe help someone out there who has felt the same way as I have. In times like these, it is especially important to put YOURSELF first. Whatever your mind tells you, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
