Young love! That's exactly what it was! At least that's what I like to think it was.
He was my high school sweetheart, captain of the varsity football team, cute (very, very cute), and had a great personality. There was really nothing too wrong with him, and in many ways, he was "perfect." He initially always made sure to appreciate me and show me that I was loved. He had a plan for his future. He had gotten many football scholarships to go to college, but there was one in particular that caught his eye, an offer from a smaller college in Louisiana. He's from Louisiana, so it was no question that, that was where he was going to want to go. It is also about 4 hours from Texas A&M University, the college that I had originally planned on attending. It was like everything was working out for us.
That was until I changed my plans to move to Austin, and then he left for summer training...but I'm getting ahead of myself.
We really had a good thing going, or so It seemed that way because that's what we let the world see. However, behind the scenes was a different story. Things were happy, don't get me wrong, for the first couple of months, then around the sixth month in we hit a few snags. We started officially dating the end of my first semester as a senior, and so we spent Christmas, New Years, and basically the holiday season together. We were inseparable. He got really close to my family, as I did to his, and things were just good. My birthday came around and he went all out, surprising me with the cutest DIY mini surprise party ever. I was really falling in love with this guy, that's how I know things were going good!
Time passed, we spent the next months helping each other through life, side by side.
He had torn his ACL from football season, so mentally I was always there, making sure he didn't give up on his comeback.
Around the sixth month into our relationship, we hit a very big snag, the kind of snag that I should have left him for. We were approaching the end of our semester events, so Prom, graduation, all that good stuff. I believe this first happened in March of 2018.
We were together in my room, my family doing their own thing around the house, my mom in the kitchen trying to figure out what she wanted to eat, my dad in the living room just outside my room, my siblings enjoying their alone time. It was a typical day with my family.
My parents soon left us home with my brother to pick up some dinner.
While they were out, we decided to watch a movie, talk and enjoy each other, things we always enjoyed doing on a Saturday night, that was until my phone went off. He jumped at the ding of the phone, It was a message from a very old friend.
The first message read, "Hey Jocy, I have to tell you something."
He constantly asked who it was, and what they wanted, asking why she texted me, and what she had to say. After reading this, my stomach immediately felt uneasy. I didn't know what to expect next. In many ways I had already known, simply because he had been dropping hints the week before, saying things like, "if anyone was to ever say something crazy about me, don't believe them. I would always tell you."
I replied to her message immediately, asking what it was and that she could always talk to me. What she had to say next sent my mind to many different places.
She replied with, "I know if you knew anything about my relationship, I would want you to tell me, so this is why I'm telling you," she continued, "There's a rumor going around school saying that Curtis slept with Miriam."
I didn't know how to really react after reading that. I stood still for a minute until I got the courage to look over and ask him if it was true. He immediately denied it. I told him to get out of my face because I could feel myself getting hot. I walked to the kitchen to see if I could cool down, maybe we could talk this out, maybe there was a simple explanation for It. He followed me into the kitchen, where he continued to grab me and tell me to calm down.
I was calm. I was oddly calm.
The only thing I could actually think clearly about was the fact that I wanted the truth. I knew he wasn't going to tell me that, so there was one other person I needed to talk to, and that was her. She was the type of girl that would claim her partners, so it was worth a shot. I walked away from him in the kitchen uttering the words, "I'll find out, watch. I'll find out for myself." I continued to grab my car keys, put on some shoes and ran out the door. He attempted to stop me, but he couldn't, there was really nothing he could do.
I started the car, reversed out my driveway and left to Miriam's house.
She didn't live too far, but I was so angry and sad and feeling so many emotions, I really didn't know what I was doing. I eventually couldn't find her house, maybe because I was so furious and just driving was calming, I don't really know. So I parked and called her. She answered and I told her that I was looking for her. I also asked her if she slept with my boyfriend, and she denied it, but I still insisted that I see her face to face. She eventually told me she would come to my house, so I drove back home. I had called my friend at the time, who is Miriam's ex. He explained to me that he was on the way. We all eventually met at my house. As soon as I got back, my parents had just pulled up. I got out my car and explained to my mom what had happened, and told Curtis to leave. He left and we were there in front of the house talking about the situation. I wasn't crying, I literally felt numb. Curtis ended up coming back with one of his friends. and I called Miriam asking where she had been. She said to meet her at a certain location not too far from my house, so Curtis (who insisted he drive me), his friend, my mom and my friend all drove to meet her.
Eventually, we found her standing in the middle of a road.
We all got out, I stood at the hood of Curtis' car and just eyed her in awe. How could a woman just be so comfortable in front of the woman she had hurt, how could the man that claimed to love me stand in front of the woman he had committed adultery with? I was confused and ready to swing at the same time at both of them. I didn't though. I maintained a level head, asked her why people would even think they had sex. She went on to try and flatter me, which didn't work. I eventually got so annoyed I stopped talking, and that's when my mom chimed in.
She went off on Miriam, claiming that she had little to no respect for herself.
How could we trust the word of the woman that claims to have so much respect for me, when she doesn't even have respect for herself. Everything she said was pure bullshit, and the same goes for him. I then looked over to Curtis, who wasn't even engaged in the conversation and told him to look at her, to stare at the woman he risked everything for. "Was she worth it," I asked. We got back in the car and drove back to my house, I got out and told him to leave. I sat in front of my house and just thought about everything for a while. I didn't know what to do. I loved him, and I didn't want to lose my best friend.
I didn't talk to him for the rest of the night until the next morning.
I woke up, and for a minute everything felt surreal. It took me a while to finally realize that everything that happened the night before actually HAPPENED! He eventually came over, and to save me the pain of reliving my horrible decisions, I'll make this part short...I took him back. I made it clear that my trust in him was fucked up, and that if he was going to be with me that he was going to have to put up with it for a while. He claimed he would do anything, while still denying that anything happened between him and her.
Time went on and things were smooth for a while.
That is until my friend, who was Miriam's ex, finally confessed that Miriam had told him all about the night she had with Curtis. I was pissed at this point. At Curtis, and my friend. He kept that secret from me this whole time. My friend could have told me that night, he was there when we confronted Miriam. Because he didn't tell me, I had time to convince myself that it was just a rumor, they were both denying it, and Miriam wasn't one to deny having sex. I was pissed at everything. I immediately drove to Curtis' house and confronted him. I don't remember much of what I said, but I know I blew up. I even texted Miriam from his phone, but they were both slick.
My dumbass stayed with him, UGH IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY! I WAS A LITERAL IDIOT!
We lasted all summer long, even when he left in July for college ball. Eventually, I had to leave to Austin, and that's when things got complicated again. He wasn't used to me actually having a life of my own. I was always there 24/7 when he needed me to be during the summer while he was at school, but when I got to school, he was bothered that, "I didn't have time for him." In a way, it was very hypocritical. Things got hard, and don't get me wrong we knew this going into it. I even tried to leave him before he left, but HE was the one that insisted on us staying together.
This is where we're all caught up.
If you read my last blog post you would know that the first time I had gotten drunk, I accidentally drunk called him. After that things got really weird between us. He went out the weekend after that and, I'm not going to lie, it bothered me, but I couldn't say anything, I had did that the weekend before. That same weekend, however, was the weekend I was in Dallas. On my way back, I texted him and told him that things weren't working out, that we should just break up. He replied with, "I agree" and that was that...for a week.
That whole next week was the weirdest, saddest, most odd week of my life.
We talked every day for bits on what we were doing. He kept insisting that we "take a break", which was the stupidest idea ever. If you're going to be with someone, and you claim to love them, why would you put yourself in a position to lose them? We were to be single, but on a break, so eventually we would come together again. That makes no sense. The week was rough, Mallory was a big help in me coping with my many feelings. She took me out Friday night to get my mind off things, and in a way it helped. I woke up the next morning and called him. We had been communicating through messages this entire time and it sucked. The call lasted about 10 minutes, and it basically consisted of me telling him that we were done. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him, that a break was a stupid idea, and I wasn't going to wait for someone that was going to be out there acting single. I cried, he cried, but in the end, it was what was best for both of us.
I don't regret this relationship one bit.
I loved him, and in many ways, he taught me how to love someone. He gave me the opportunity to learn how to love, and show affection. It was my first real relationship, and I have so many good memories with him. Did he get in a whole new relationship a week later? Yes...lmao, but that's beside the point. He was an amazing guy who made bad decisions. I learned a lot from this situation. One, always know your worth. Two, A guy who claims to love you will show you he loves you with his actions. Three, long distance relationships take effort from both ends. We're young, in college, and have so many experiences ahead of us. Learn from my situation, and realize what you deserve. Real love will find you, me, and us in time.
Until then, let's see how this story plays out.