The Conversation that Changed My Life
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The Talk That Changed My Life

Keeping everything held in is not the best way. Talk about it, let it out.

The Talk That Changed My Life

For as long as I can remember, I have held stuff in. I'm not sure if it's because my closest "friends" have turned their back on me, if it's because I am a loner, I'm not sure. I just don't like to talk about my problems with anyone but myself, in my bed, at 3:00 A.M. on Thursday nights. Anyway, it has caused some serious issues in friendships, relationships, and even how my family interacts with me. It got to the point where I was not happy with my life, at all. Every day was a bad day.

I have been struggling with this since I was in 8th grade (I'm now a senior in college). What makes it so bad, is that nobody really seemed to care that I was this bad off. It was like I was always under water and nobody wanted to give me a hand, which is why I think I let myself go into my shell so much and just rely on myself and myself alone. It wasn't until I almost lost my boyfriend of almost two years, at the time, that I realized I needed help. The only reason I even heard him out and didn't shut him down is because he called me out on all my bull crap. So, I tried to get help, but nothing worked. I was still extremely unhappy, and I didn't know why.

It wasn't until I went to New York on a mission trip that I realized why nothing was helping the way I felt. It was Wednesday night and we were all sitting around the house half the team was staying at, when our leader told us that we were giving testimonies. I was so scared because I had never done it before, I always found a way out of doing it, and I was happy with that fact. But, there was something in me saying that I wasn't going to get out of it this time and that it was going to be big. Anyway, I, of course, decided to go last because I needed that time to mentally prepare myself.

Everyone went and then came my turn. I automatically started shaking, even when two people from my team came by my side to comfort me. So, without me really wanting to, I started to talk. I talked about how I was a very religious person when I was younger. I loved church and learning about Jesus and all that fun stuff. Then, I started to talk about when my life went darker. When I saw nothing but dark, sadness, and just emptiness. I started to pull away from family and friends, but nobody noticed.

I started to hate my life and it just kept getting worse and worse until I was just over the thought of doing anything. I was open about my whole life, every dark, messed up demon. But, I also told them how Jesus came back into my life when I was at my lowest and changed it for the better. And, guess what? Nobody hated me. Nobody thought I was some awful monster who could not be saved. Nobody looked at me with disappointment. Up until telling them that, I had carried so much of my past around with me, I had always let that affect my life and in that 15 minutes it took me to open up, I could feel myself getting happier. After finally talking about it, I felt calm and like life wasn't falling apart around me. It was such a free feeling and it still is, a week later. I am still happy and getting happier every day. I am positive, I see the light. I see the good.

Talking helps. People care. You're not in this alone.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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