Take It From Olivia

Scandal. If you haven't watched it, you should. I'm not going to lie...it's a nice place to get lost in for awhile . It also makes me want to over-dramatize every life moment with a giant bottle of wine while dancing in the sun. Seriously, who doesn't love that? Shonda Rimes has captured my attention and crushed my soul with Grey's Anatomy and now she's allowing me the opportunity to live vicariously through the possessor of the 'White Hat'-Olivia Pope and her gladiator team. If ShondaLand ever becomes a theme park...don't go. Everyone will either die or get sucked into a void of inescapable drama.

Olivia Pope's life is such a whirlwind that I get caught up in so much to the point that I begin to think I could manage to do her job. Then I realize how much I value sleep and Netflix. And how I'm not good with words. I need at least a three day notice before we negotiate so I can lay out my facts and dialogue. Sorry Mr. President, you're on your own. According to Scandal, it takes a village to run the nation and sometimes that village isn't ran well itself. The President has a mistress, the First Lady is vindictively amazing in her own right, Cyrus Beene is not a bitch baby, and Olivia Pope is...well Olivia Pope.

Life lessons from Scandal:

1) Don't date/sleep with the President

Under any circumstances. I don't care if his butt does look delicious in slacks. Just don't date/sleep with the President.

2) Don't date the President's friend either

Once again, I don't care if his butt looks good in his uniform. Don't. Date/Sleep. With. Him.

3) Don't ever leave the beach

Why? Why did you ever leave you crazy woman?! Stay. In. The. Sun. It's FREE.

4) Dad's are crazy

Yeah, so your Dad killed your lover's son....'for you'. That takes pillow talk to a whole new level. #awkward

5) Mom's are crazier

Your mom....your mom jokes do not apply here unless they start with "Oh" and end with "crap".

6) Crews that slay together, stay together

Unless you get shot. That's a whole other story. (R.I.P Harrison)

7) Wine fixes everything

One glass? Nope, the whole bottle. Keep the red coming! Liv never spills a single freaking drop. You better keep up.

8) Make a fierce entrance

Olivia Pope let's people know she's arrived with her little swagger and hair bounce when she walks in the room. If you're like me and completely uncoordinated...it's probably best us two-left feeters don't do this. Stick to the shadows and pray you make it to your seat with as much grace as a newborn horse in those heels. Then, and ONLY then, do you let people know you've arrived.

9) Walk away the way you came in

For the two-left feeters, once you've made your point, stick to shadows again. Or grab onto the closest person to you, unless it's the President or his friend - then you're screwed, and have that lovely person escort you out in a fierce manner. Being carried is always optional.

10) Perfect your 'shooting daggers'

Yes. That's right. Perfect your bitch face. Olivia Pope's bitch face is so potent that you feel the sting of being slapped by her eyes. Never start it. Always finish it. End it with a glaring, visibly bitch slapped look that will rock someone to the core. If you're like me and sometimes have aggressive eyebrows, don't do this. You look constipated. I'm sorry. I've perfected the art of doing my eyebrows by doing a technique that's been used for ages. It's called "Leave Them the Hell Alone".

11) Dress is everything

You need to look good no matter where you go. Even if it's just a night in with popcorn and red wine, still you should look good. You never know when the President or his friend may pop in to visit you. Although, Olivia Pope could wear the most hideous outfits in season and still have a multitude of men chasing after her. Whether to love her or kidnap her is to be determined.

12) Be a gladiator...in a suit

Whatever you pursue, pursue it just as actively and passionately as Olivia pursues to cover up and spin her client's misdeeds into a new perspective. Do it grace and poise and as calculating as you can. Doesn't hurt if you have a team to support you!