It's much darker and scarier than you may think.
Having anxiety is a scary thing because it can blind you from how things truly are. The cashier at a restaurant doesn't actually think you're stupid for messing up your order, they know its a simple mistake but when you have anxiety, simple encounters such as this make you want to never show your face again. It's easy to let anxiety control your life and how you go about things. I find myself omitting a lot of feelings from what I tell others in fear they will judge me. I talk about my breakdowns in a laughing matter so people don't feel like they have to check up on me in fear that they'll think I'm a burden.
I like to write a lot. Mostly because it can help me get emotions and thoughts out that I wouldn't be able to say or don't know how to say. Writing is one of the ways that I deal with my anxiety because I can get everything off my chest while being creative about it. When I have problems with my boyfriend that I need to discuss and talk about, I usually write it down, sometimes my anxiety takes so far that I have to have him read what I wrote rather than me talking in fear that I'll say something wrong.
Anxiety and panic attacks are the worst by far. After a couple of years, it's easy to tell which one is coming on and you may be able to prevent it, but sometimes it just hits you hard. Usually, an anxiety attack doesn't involve a sob fest. They are usually sudden frustration and anger along with lashing out, complete and utter silence and wanting to be alone in the dark. It can be a three-hour nap in the middle of the day and putting off all of your work because you just don't have the energy to do it. I find my anxiety attacks can last for hours and then peak at a certain moment after I can't take it anymore and everything spills over, sometimes causing a panic attack. But overall, panic attacks are much different.
Sudden triggers or situations that cause extreme anxiety can cause panic attacks which cause a sob fest and sometimes even scream crying if it's after everyone has gone to sleep. I often find my panic attacks are hard to prevent and or stop. You have to make the decision early on if you want to try and calm down or let it go and get out of your system. These are the absolute worst and when you have moments like these, you never want anyone to see them. Crying out, writhing, curling up into a ball and all of the tears on your face just make you want to curl up in a hole and die.
Anxiety is hard to talk about, let alone talking about it with other people which is why I write about it. You are not alone and your mind that is filled with anxiety is more common than you think.