Poetry On Odyssey: Awhile
A poem written for my ex-best friend who couldn't handle my coming out to him as a lesbian.
"Awhile" has left what's left of my security
Because the comfort of our intimacy never seemed to be a luxury
Under your influence I found a safe spot of proximity
Laced by friendship to the group who felt entitled to my sovereignty
Our connection was beveled by acceptance and sincerity
A safe haven forged from assurance and validity
But since our link has been broken, and it happened so suddenly
The past, like a siren, sings out old insecurities:
I am made in the image of man
I'm property of men for they choose it to be
I am is secondary
Should wait tongue bore and cheeks splayed in obligation to society
You're the disappointment of the century
My perceptions of social maturity not all they cracked up to be
Instead they hung back, incubating my original uncertainty
I'd never suspect you'd introduce me to the pain of my community
For lacking the same piety
Which kept me lugging behind the barge
And wading across the murky waters of identity
Right when I started to think that boat was finally behind me
Today, I'm retrospectively pining for the misinterpreted purity I associated with you and me
I'm desperate for a foothold in the confidence that you had a hand in expanding then dismembering
I'll miss you
Cause right from point A you had always been beside me
But all the lefts I had to take to finally feel right hadn't yet factored in your impression of destiny
With that mistake I'm barely one leap forward and two steps back from where I was initially
I want to scream, "Wasn't my love enough, even though it comes from a different mentality?"
But I know communication can't be had when we were too close for comfort to our inevitable point B's
At which we're together forever at an impasse, separated indefinitely, and alone for awhile
