So I Left: A Poem
I left so I could be happy and I realized that fighting for your love just wasn't worth it.
He was the one that showed me love was like a fountain
With the click of a button, the rush of water would come gushing through.
Just like the amount of tears that would stream down my face, every single time he pushed that damn angry button of his.
His button, the on and off switch of fury,
His anger, his demeanor, his attitude.
He didn't want me to be free.
He didn't want me to see the world as the way I see it, something that gave me so many beautiful opportunities: the friends I have, my love for the world, and my love for my hobbies.
He told me to turn my switch off, so that I can deem him as the world, that everything I do would have to revolve around him.
He was the one that I loved, and so I hid my switch.
My switch was nothing to me until the day I decided to leave.
Not because I saw who he truly was, but from the way he reacted when I began to remove the covers that hanged on top of that switch.
He would move my hands away from the covers and fix the covers, edge by edge, so the switch would continue to stay in the dark.
Away from the world, away from my family, away from my friends.
They say a relationship needs trust, needs growth, needs love and value.
But...
He wouldn't allow me to turn my switch on, he wouldn't allow me to "abandon" him and see the lights in the sky.
He would pull me away from the lights, into the darkness, and every night I cried myself to sleep.
He would give me so much love, so much admiration, and I truly thought my switch was the one thing that prevented me from being close, that I was so different, and he desperately needed me to relate to him.
And so I started to embrace the darkness.
See, that was my mistake.
The darkness swallowed me whole, allowed me to see the demons that embraced him, allowed me to see him for he was, yet prevented me from changing him, healing him.
At the same time, I was just his girlfriend that was strung by a string, being held back by his strong hands around my throat, just because he didn't want me to heal him, since he believed that who he was was something that he only loved about himself.
I know I was in deep pain, even before he revealed his own switch.
His emotions would everyday cascade on my shoulders and continue reminding me that he was my responsibility.
That he was my boyfriend, that I should be there for him, that I should be there to change him, to make him feel that he was the top of my universe — my life.
Those empty promises of his, those threats of his, eventually didn't stop me from doing anything I loved.
I chose to step out of the darkness, even those hands of his were everywhere, refusing to let me go.
He wouldn't stop persevering, because he needed me to love and understand him.
But, two days ago, I finally let go.
