To The Emotionally Unavailable Men in 2018, Take Notes From The Men In 'Love Letters Of Great Men, Volume 1' In 2019
"I will cover you with love when I next see you, with caresses, with ecstasy. I want you to be amazed by me and to confess to yourself that you had never even dreamed of such transports...When you are old, I want you to recall those few hours, I want your dry bones to quiver with joy when you think of them."
-Gustave Flaubert, 1846
To the men reading this, I am going to start off by saying that you do not have to write love letters to the girl you admire across campus in the same format Beethoven or Flaubert did. I am not telling you that you have to confess your love for someone over a letter, though in my unpopular opinion, it is a little more romantic than confessing your feelings via Snapchat or Tinder. To the men reading this who lack the ability to express how they feel, lack the ability to show how they feel, or just lack the ability to be emotionally available in 2018, AKA, to all the men I've encountered in the year of 2018, this one for you.
It has been brought to my attention that there is a common denominator, or at least in 2018 there has been, that you lack commitment. You lack the ability to fully devote yourself to another human being. You lack the ability to stay focused on what's right in front of you. Now, there is no magic switch that I can flip to make you suddenly want to commit, be devoted, or be faithful. I wish there was, but only you have control of this switch-I don't. But, if you take notes from the men in the book linked at the end of this article, you can be sure to flip your own internal switch to do whatever you need it to do.
Most of the men in 'Love Letters Of Great Men' are in a situation ranging from the 1700s-1900s where the woman they love has been taken from them in one way or another. Either the woman's parents are involved and forbid their daughters to see these "great men" or death took the innocent life of one's sweetheart. Regardless of how the women were revoked from their beloved's lives, one thing remains - these men didn't realize the great love that they had for these women existed until they were gone.
You see, I take this to heart, ladies. After recently being played and toyed with for the last year and a half by a guy whom I thought I was madly in love with, I realized that ~some~ men can never be satisfied. Some men can never know the worth of something until it's gone. Though this is a painful lesson to learn, it is the most important. It is important because it shows that ~hopefully~ when you lose someone who you thought was your life and reason for breathing, there is someone else coming down the line who has already experienced this heartache, and he won't treat you as though you are plastic when you are glass. You see, he will see that love is fragile and the importance of it when it is around and he won't be so quick to ignore his feelings.
Back to the men, now. You can't be like the men in 'Love Letters of Great Men' because if you are, you will find the woman of your dreams and you will lose her. Your careless acts and loveless heart will break the glass that is her love to you. How easy is it to fix broken glass? It's not. Therefore, how easy is it to fix a broken love? And once your woman sees that some other man who is more careful with her love, she won't go back to you. So men, take notes from Michael London, Beethoven, and F. Scott Fitzgerald. Don't be reckless, but be careful. Treat the love you share as though it is a ticking time bomb and can ruin your life in seconds if it is mishandled. Don't wait until your lover is out of reach to confess how you feel. Say what you mean and mean what you say because life is short and love is rare.
Be calm- love me- today- yesterday- what tearful longings for you- you- you- my life- my all- farewell. Oh continune to love me- never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
Ever thine
Ever mine
Ever ours
-Ludwig van Beethoven
July 7, 1806
You can snag a copy of this book here - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1440496021/ref=ox_sc_mini_detail?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER
Love Yourself First
"I gave you my heart and that's all I can give you, and if that's not enough, then I'm not enough."
- Haley James-Scott
After my last relationship, I truly believed that I was not meant for anyone. There were a few boys here and there after him, but nothing serious. I was too afraid of commitment. I really felt like I couldn't trust anyone again. It's tough to open up to someone after being walked all over. (Especially after being cheated on and left for my ex-best friend...) After some time, I finally got enough courage built up and decided that it was time to go out into the world again–not for a relationship but for myself. I wanted to love myself.
After a month or so, I realized why people say "If you can't love yourself how can someone love you?" Once I started taking care of myself, mentally, emotionally, and physically, I started being noticed not only by guys, but family and friends. They seemed more eager to be around me and were complimenting me. It was nice. Now, this was a while before college–maybe a year and a half. I kept to myself and focused on me. I hate how I had to get my heart broken to love myself, but at least I realized my mistake–to not depend on anyone.
Before I left for college (more like when I watched my mom leave in the car), I promised myself that I'd focus on my studies and that I wouldn't fall in love with anyone. I would not lose myself again. I didn't like being vulnerable or meddled with. I didn't like my mom seeing me cry over a guy.
Until August 1st.
I received a notification from my school's app about someone commenting on a picture I posted. I had posted a picture of me holding pigeons from my trip to Puerto Rico, and a boy commented, "This would be awesome if I was a big bird fan." Not only did that spark our conversation, but it got to the point that there was a little flirting and he hid his identity because I couldn't see a current picture of him (his profile picture was from when he was younger).
I noticed you on social media after that comment and thought you were cute–actually, too cute for me–but I thought I'd give it a shot anyway and talk to you. You had these mesmerizing green eyes… Just looking at them made me feel all "blah" inside. Cheesy, right?
Eventually, I got his Snapchat.
A small note to him:
At first, I was so nervous to continue talking. I didn't know why. I was scared to get to know you because I didn't want the past to happen again. The moment I met you, I could not take my eyes off of you. I crashed into you in the elevator. You recognized me, but I didn't recognize you. I kept trying not to stare because I wasn't sure if it was you.
You were everything I wanted and more. The first time we hung out will be a day I'll never forget. You were so generous, courteous, and so funny. We were studying in your dorm room and ended up watching a movie. That was the first night I ended up sleeping in your room. It was nice. I felt safe.
You kept a smile on my face that whole night. It was strange to have these feelings back again, but I liked it. It scared me, but I liked it.
The more we hung out, the more I got to know you and the more I fell for you. I started developing these feelings that I've never felt before. It was at this point that I knew you weren't like the other boys that I have known. You were honest, you loved school, and you knew what you wanted in your life and future.
It's been said that the best love happens when you least expect it and I believe that now. You are the best blessing that came into my life right when I needed it. The feelings that I have for you are feelings I have felt once before, only stronger.
What scares me is that you've said you want me, yet do nothing about it. I don't want to lose myself again. I don't want to depend on anyone–not you. You scare me. I'm scared. My heart physically hurts. And what sucks is that I'm OK with it. Why am I OK with it?